Magic the Gathering players have a distinct swagger about them.  To have mastered such a complex labyrinth of rules, exceptions and game pieces is no small feat and somewhere deep down, each of us has a little bit of pride in our game.  Many of us are the relative kings of our own little kingdoms whether that be your home country, town, FNM or kitchen table.  We are even told by the maker that we are "one in a million".    So, in some ways, it's quite understandable that a few of us project what your grammar school teacher would call "an attitude" once in a while.  But when does a healthy, self-respecting, swagger become a pushy, arrogant "attitude."  This article is an attempt to draw that line in the sand and help you (and I) to understand when we've strayed over it.

The following examples are stories of "That Guy" from around the multiverse.  Some of them are personal accounts from the Gathering Magic staff and others are tales from the Magic the Gathering twittersphere.  As you read these, you'll probably see a bit yourself in at least one of the examples but try not to ragequit... if only for irony's sake.

[caption id="attachment_10161" align="alignright" width="214" caption="That Guy has never lost."][/caption]

That Guy who has never lost a match fair and square - There's always a story with That Guy.  Whether it was problems with his or her mana, an unlucky top-deck or an act of God Himself - this guy has never lost a match fair and square.  There's just no way he chose the wrong deck for the Grand Prix.  There's no way you outplayed or outwitted him.  And there is certainly no way he might have made any mistakes in-game.  If it's not one excuse, it's another and while there are, of course, valid reasons for his loss, none of them can reflect poorly on him or his Magical prowess.  Don't wait up for a "good-game", a  handshake or even a friendly nod in your direction because you don't deserve it.  He'll give credit where credit is due.. he just hasn't happened to play anyone who is worthy of such praise.  If he had only gotten a better hand, sideboarded differently and had six more turns?....  he would have rocked your world.

That Guy who gets mad at you for passing/not passing a certain card/color in a draft - This is the same guy who always tries to call out your hand in poker but only gets it right 10% of the time.  Unfortunately, 10% is enough to convince That Guy he has some sort of sixth sense when it comes to knowing your cards.  He thinks he knows what colors you're playing, which card you chose last pack and what the guy 6 seats down from him is rolling.  I could be playing mono-white, open up a fresh pack and take a foil Elspeth, Knight Errant and he'd still complain that I passed one too many Tendrils of Corruption to the dude on my right.  "That Guy" isn't having a very good pull today so whatever it is you're doing with your pool, you're obviously doing it wrong.  God forbid someone from your draft table happens to be doing well later on because That Guy will find you and make it clear that it was that Oblivion Ring you passed on three hours prior that caused That Guy to lose.

That guy who cares about the type of die you're rolling - I'm not sure That Guy took basic probability in college but it seems to me that if we're both bouncing the same X-sided die on the same table from about the same height that the "randomness" of the outcome is going to be fairly... random.  Getting "slow-rolled" is one thing but if the toss of the die is clean, can you really argue that your opponent is trying to cheat?  Particularly in a casual atmosphere, does That Guy really think I rigged my Eventide fat-pack die in an effort to maybe go first at a pre-release event?  There is a time and place for anal retention and a casual pre-release isn't one of them.  Let the kid with the sack of 20-sided fat-pack dice roll whatever he wants.  If That Guy is so certain that the die can be manipulated, feel free to do the same on your roll of the same die. Table 1 of Pro Tour Seattle?  Go ahead and say something.  Table 8 out of 8 at FNM in Po-dunk, Alaska?  Grab a chill-pill and keep your theories of randomness to yourself.

That Guy who follows you (and your future opponents) around after a loss - It isn't enough that we have to listen to That Guy's excuses for his loss one time.  Oooohhh nononono... we've got to hear about it for the rest of the night.. And so do our opponents!  That Guy will follow you around after each match and ask how it went in a flagrantly condescending tone.  If he finds out that you've won he'll scoff and repeat his excuses for losing his match to you.  If you tell him that you've lost That Guy will laugh and assure you that he knew your janky tactics wouldn't hold up against X-deck!  To make matters worse he'll often run to your opponents and "warn" them of the aforementioned janky tactics and will probably end up giving that opponent a little too much information.  Even if he manages to withhold all relevant info about your deck he'll still need to get in a few lame excuses before the match.  While it might be interesting to see how your former opponent's decks fared post-you, it just isn't' appropriate to hound me or my future opponents for the rest of the event.  Particularly if you're going to have an attitude about it.  Trolling isn't appreciated online and it's even less so off.

[caption id="attachment_10160" align="alignright" width="180" caption="How That Guy sees himself when trading cards."][/caption]

That Guy who never plays but walks around trying to rip everyone off - Everyone loves to trade Magic cards.  It's part of what makes a Customizable Card Game fun.  But does That Guy really think I want to trade cards out of my deck during my matches with said deck?  Sure, I've got a shiny new Gideon Jura and I'd certainly be open for offers after the match but do you have to put your binder on top of my graveyard and start naming random cards that I might want?  Even if I could get over the intrusion of my physical space, there's still the matter of That Guy's trade ethic.  That Guy will offer you roughly 1/3rd of what you should be offered for the card he's after.  And why not?  He might as well make a few insulting offers to people currently trying to concentrate on actually playing!  For players new to the sanctioned event scene, it's very intimidating to have someone hovering over you trying to to get you to agree to some kind of shady deal.  He might even bump his offer up to 2/3rds of actual value if you hang in there!   Anyone who is that pushy, arrogant and straight up clueless is probably trying to screw you.  There's a reason he isn't playing in the tournament.  He came here for a reason- to screw as many n00bs as possible and GTFO.  That Guy thinks he's a suave business man but he's really just a bully.

That Guy who cares just a little too much about winning - It's okay to have the Eye of the Tiger but is it really worth having the Rep of a Dickwad too?  That Guy who cares just a little too much about winning is capable of anything.  I've seen That Guy do everything from not letting anyone take anything back no matter what, to trying to time out a game with 35 minutes left that he is almost certainly going to lose.  Again, we need to consider the context of casual vs. competitive but even then, does That Guy really want to win his matches based on technicalities?  Doesn't the "Eye of the Tiger" imply that you don't just want to win, you want to show that you're unmistakably better than your opponent.  Do you think Rocky would have preferred a technicality win over Apollo Creed as opposed to a clean victory?!  Where is That Guy's sense of honor, integrity and self-worth?  Answer: He left it back home in his mother's basement along with his dignity and pride.

That Guy who straight up throws a temper tantrum - This is by far the worst thing That Guy does.  I think we can all handle a smallish dose of That Guy's snotty attitude once in a while but what I can't handle is a real-live, old-fashioned, Veruca Salt-esque temper tantrum.  That Guy is smart enough to talk his way out of the consequences associated with any of the above offenses but when cards start flying through the air, it's time for this dude to leave the building.  There is no excuse for a grown man to throw anything at another person, let alone a scared, first time Magic player who just wanted to play his shiny new Liliana Vess at the Lorwyn pre-release (me, true story).  I think we all have a bit of that competitive spirit in us, otherwise we wouldn't be playing a game as difficult and involved as Magic the Gathering is but temper tantrums are unacceptable.  Card throwing, profanity spewing, spitting, drink-chucking, and chair stomping are all fine on Jersey Shore but if any of those things happen in my store, you're gone- no questions asked.  Everyone has the right to feel safe and comfortable while playing Magic.  If you do anything to jeopardize that atmosphere, you're getting biggity-bounced up out of this venue.

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"Temet Nosce"  Know Thyself - That Guy's biggest flaw is that he isn't comfortable with himself.  You need to know what makes you angry, what makes you happy, what annoys you and to be able to control those feelings around other people.  Oddly, while a lot of stereotypical "mom's basement" geeks have all the alone-time in the world to get to know themselves, all of that isolation leaves them with no perception of  how they come across to other people.  It's amazing to me that the same people who think Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy is absolutely hilarious are out there doing and saying the same, completely ridiculous things in real life!  This just goes to show that they know not what they do.  While I am not trying to excuse the above behaviors, I am not one to dismiss another human being as just another "horrible person" for all eternity.  That Guy is a fellow Magic player and we are indeed one in a million.  I am not a Psychologist nor Psychiatrist so I have no business telling That Guy what he needs to do to get over his insecurities.   But if my own life experience as a late-blooming, formerly-obese, closeted geek has taught me anything it's that some people just haven't developed the social skills necessary to maintain a friendly atmosphere in a semi-competitive setting.  Take from that what you will.

For the Love of Magic - Don't be that Guy - If you're not interested in these idealistic notions of "being a good person" or "not being a total dick" or even just "having a good time" consider this:  Being That Guy hurts Magic as a whole.  You are a representative for the game.  When a relatively new player expresses interest in Magic, you can be the guy who brings them into the fold!  I think That Guy looks at the concept of "one in a million" and sees it as an exclusive club.  Whilst I look at that number and think- a Magic player is so rare- let's gather and convert as many "carriers of the spark" as we can and keep this party going!

Between video games, CCGs, RPGs and Farmville there are many games that play like Magic, feel like Magic and even cost less money than Magic.  You and I both know that this little card game is the best of it's breed but there are people out there who understandably still need convincing.   Let's make sure everyone feels welcome and continues to choose this one over all the other options out there.

We'd love to hear your "That Guy" stories!  Feel free to comment on the article with your best ones!