Locations
How many set reviews of Mirrodin Besieged have you read by now? I've been a little short on time this week, but I've still been able to get through six. That's six whole series—five parts each. Plus I watched all the Magic Show episodes. Oh, and listened to some podcasts. If you aggressively pursue the reviews, read the for-pay articles on Quiet Speculation and StarCityGames, and check out a few popular blogs, you could easily be in the ten-to-fifteen range.
What I'm saying is, unless you are the kind of person who only reads my articles (Hi, Mom!), you pretty much already know Into the Core is awesome in limited and Tezzeret is neat with Inkmoth Nexus. But . . . I still want to talk Mirrodin Besieged. So, rather than give you the same old lukewarm, "Pretty okay in Metalcraft" card-by-card review, I'm going to make up some categories, and judge the cards that way. It's like an awards ceremony, except I'm the only one wearing a dress.
On a related note, in high school, the only superlative I was a contender for was "Best Hair." I lost by a narrow margin to a white kid with an afro.
Right, let's get to it.
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Creepiest Phyrexian
Maybe becoming compleat wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to hang out with these uggos.
The nominees are:
Phyrexian Rebirth – Long, bony limbs always make me ill at ease, which is why most of my friends are on the husky side. "Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look," etc., etc.
Priests of Norn – They really nailed what made church terrifying to me as a small child. The solemn tone, the intimidating pointy hat, the expectant upturned palm. I don't want to know what happens if your mom doesn't give you a dollar for these guys' collection basket.
Vivisection – It's the enormous grin on his face—like he cracked open that sternum and found a Jace, the Mind Sculptor—that gets to me.
Phyrexian Rager – Taking the orange metal bubble off (from the original art) may have exposed some ribs and made him more vulnerable, but it increased the Ragger's fear factor tenfold.
Flayer Husk – All of the living weapons are creepy-looking, but this one looks like my grandmother's arthritis-ridden hand. Those fingernails haunt me in my dreams.
Gore Vassal – Didn't make the initial cut, until I realized he's carrying a beating heart on his back. *shivers*
And the winner is:
Biggest Impact on Standard
A lot of cards have a bright future, but their presence won't be felt for at least another set or two. I'm looking for the cards that will immediately find a foothold in Type 2.
The nominees are:
Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas – The only thing holding him back is Jace. Is loading your control deck with artifacts to make Tezz good worth it when you could play the original Blue four-drop Planeswalker? Regardless, there are other applications than straight-up control, so pick up your copies ASAP.
Go For the Throat – This card may see the most play out of any on this list, but is it considered a major impact if a card just replaces a slightly worse card that already sees play (Doom Blade)? It could make people adapt to playing more artifact creatures, which would be a significant change.
Sphere of the Suns – Now you can run eight Everflowing Chalice, which is A Big Deal. That guy up there, Tezzeret? You'll be seeing him turn three a lot, with a little help from the disco ball.
Phyrexian Crusader – Even if poison doesn't take off (which it very well could), the Crusader absolutely crushes White and/or Red creature decks. Nice Goblin Guide. Nice Student of Warfare. Nice Lightning Bolt. Nice Hero of Oxid Ridge. Nice shoes. (No, really, where'd you get those?)
White Sun's Zenith – Black may have too many tools now for Blue/White to be the control deck of choice, but if it is, I expect a couple of these to see play in the main (maybe more in the side).
Green Sun's Zenith – A toolbox deck with Fauna Shaman now has an additional tutor, and this one doesn't die to everything. The only question is if there are enough bullets (Thrun? Viridian Corrupter?). Of course, it could also take the Summoning Trap slot in Valakut Ramp.
Black Sun's Zenith – The best Black wrath since Damnation, every Black control deck should have at least two between main deck and sideboard. I didn't want to be that guy who wonders if mono-Black control (MBC) is a possibility, but with this to punish overextending, and Mind Sludge to punish not overextending, well . . . see the end of this article for a potential deck list.
Inkmoth Nexus – Aside from singlehandedly making dedicated poison decks and Shape Anew decks viable, the Nexus also gives a big boost to Metalcraft strategies as a poor man's artifact land. You already know this is a two-turn clock with Tezzeret on the board. Oh, and if you have equipment, you can probably find room for couple "double-strikers." With all those decks running around, you may have to play Inkmoth Nexus just to block other Nexuses!
And the winner is:
Cutest Creature
Magic isn't always about calling on monsters to kill each other. Sometimes, you summon a creature just to let it know that you care.
The nominees are:
Plaguemaw Beast – Maybe I should be scared, but he just looks so huggable. Wan' me petchoo tumtum? Aww, dere's a good boy!
Brass Squire – Look at him, struggling to pick up that big heavy sword, and he's doing it because he loves you. He's like a robot version of Dobby.
Hexplate Golem – If you were magnetic, wouldn't you make yourself an awesome battle suit out of household appliances? I like to imagine Hexy holding up each piece of metal and saying, "Does this one make me look fat?"
Training Drone – It's the red targets and pear-shape that sell me on Training Drone. I want to equip him with a Snuggie and a remote control and watch Sex and the City reruns with him.
Septic Rats – Some of you may be afraid of rats, but I owned a ton of them growing up. They are easy to train and fun to play with. They're like tiny dogs, with more diseases.
And the winner is:
Biggest Impact on Extended
Extended is the deep end of the pool, and only the big kids get to play. Which cards from Mirrodin Besieged are strong enough swimmers?
The nominees are:
Tezzeret, Agent of Bolas – There are plenty of artifact strategies on the cusp of playability that get a boost in consistency from Tezzeret (also a real deck, Tempered Steel). Master Transmuter, Time Sieve, Myr combo, who knows what's possible with this guy digging for your pieces?
Green Sun's Zenith – Elves certainly wants this card, and maybe that zany Ooze deck. There are more targets in Extended than Standard, so Greenith has more potential. Maybe Doran will come back, with a toolbox that lets it play the Rock role.
Go For the Throat – Faeries immediately snaps this up, and gets to stop playing the "Which removal spell is better at this tournament?" game.
Inkmoth Nexus – No chance this will replace Mutavault in Faeries or other tribe-based deck, but could see applications similar to the roles it will play in Standard.
And the winner is:
Best Art
Art is subjective. What that means is we have to subject ourselves to other people's wrong opinions about it. Here are mine.
The nominees are:
Sangromancer – The perspective on this one is perfect. Clearly, the viewer is the latest victim, and I love how the color fades from bright yellow to an all-encompassing black, as if death is closing in.
Hero of Oxid Ridge – That gunmetal-black Chrome Steed would one hundred percent be my ride of choice if I were a real Planeswalker. Just don't high-five the Hero.
Phyrexian Rebirth – I talked about this one in my article two weeks ago, so it obviously is in the running. Love it.
Knowledge Pool – This really caught my eye while going through the visual spoiler. I like how it isn't too cluttered, like most Magic art (I mean, most of them are showing an action scene, so it's understandable). I just feel the solemnity of the place, the quiet, the eeriness. Plus, it looks a little like where Qui Gon died.
Silverskin Armor – Buzz for this art was all over Twitter when it first got spoiled, and for good reason: It's interesting. It's like a diagram of how the equipment works intended for the Neurok user, not a realistic depiction of the armor in action. It's a cool idea, and great execution.
And the winner is:
Best Uncommon in Limited
If you could open any uncommon in the set in pack one, which would it be?
The nominees are:
Into the Core – My favorite part? "Exile." Sorry, Corpse Cur, you've had enough fun. I've never played a deck in triple Scars with fewer than six artifacts, so you probably don't need to worry about finding two targets.
Flesh-Eater Imp – Disgustingly good. With a fast start, this guy can threaten lethal on turn five—and usually get there.
Kuldotha Flamefiend – If this came without a 4/4 body, it would still be a great card. Most of the time, it has two modes: "Wrath you" or "Kill you."
Corrupted Conscience – Mind Control effects are always premium limited cards. This one also doubles the creature's power. Even if you aren't Infect, stealing a dragon makes for a two-turn clock at most.
Vedalken Anatomist – You like Trigon of Corruption? What if you stapled an Icy Manipulator to it? That's what I thought.
Viridian Corrupter – Oxidda Scrapmelter was in the top five uncommons of Scars, and this is better in the right deck.
Skinwing – Some people say 6 mana is too much for the equip cost. I say, I have a 2/2 flyer for 4 that morphs any random guy into a dragon in the late game.
And the winner is:
Worst Art (for me)
All Magic artists are incredible; otherwise, they wouldn't get the commission. I'm sure there are people who enjoy the following pieces, so I hope nobody gets offended. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder—these just didn't do it for me.
The nominees are:
Neurok Commando – I'm all for different styles and mediums for Magic art, even what appears to be colored pencil. I'm not all for close-up profile shots of a generic Neurok lady. Sure, she could be out on a super-secret commando mission, or she could be waiting in line at Arby's. We'll never know.
Treasure Mage – Some genies hang out in lamps. This guy knows how to grant wishes in style.
Turn the Tide – Either a live-action Little Mermaid production or a bumpin' Phyrexian Cher concert. Have you ever been to a Cher concert? "The might of genius" indeed!
Blightsteel Colossus – This would be fine, if it weren't supposed to be a highly recognizable figure from Darksteel. Where's the tiny, cube-shaped head? Where's the "Hey Baby, how you doin'?" posture?
Go For the Throat – I hate this one because it reminds me of the time I was at a show for one of my favorite bands, singing at the top of my lungs, and the girl in front of me turns around with the exact expression we see here and goes, "Are you in the band?"
Me: "No."
Her: "Then shut the f*** up."
Totally killed my good time. And really, shouldn't the woman in this image be more than slightly annoyed that her jugular is going to get ripped out?
And the winner is:
Most Underrated Rare for Constructed
This is a tough list to compile, because it requires that I make a guess at popular opinion, and then another guess at which cards will rise above expectation. Still, I can think of a few diamonds in the rough.
The nominees are:
Bonehoard – Ever since Stoneforge Mystic came out, I've been paying special attention to equipment cards that are situationally very powerful. Bonehoard is one for the midgame, when your vanguard is slain and your reserves are yet to arrive. The fact that we can now search out actual creatures with the Mystic is very exciting.
Slagstorm – Firespout was a game-changer, right? This card has no restriction on the kind of creature it can hit, and can go to the dome to take out Planeswalkers. I think it's time for another sample deck list—see the end of this article!
Contested War Zone – Especially when it was first unveiled, people despised this card. It's so easy to get a creature through; why would you give your opponent your lands?! In the right deck, though, this card is fantastic. I'm thinking Ornithopter, Pestermites, all those tiny, buzzing creatures I love so much. Your opponent won't even have time to attack back, and your War Zone can easily be worth four or five damage a turn. Goblins, White Weenie—any aggressive deck should try out the Zone.
Creeping Corrosion – There will be a competitive artifact deck, I promise. I'm not sure when, I'm not sure how, but a list starring Mox Opal will win something in the Standard format. That's when the Corrosions start creeping.
Mirran Crusader – Go For the Throat is now the best removal spell in Standard. Stoneforge Mystic is still around, ready to serve up any number of great weapons. Double Strike and protection from Black couldn't be any more relevant—so make it work.
Red Sun's Zenith – The fact that this card exiles makes it one of very few answers to Bloodghast (Bolt the sacrifice outlet first!) and Vengevine. Blaze hasn't been playable ever, but this card does something more efficient burn spells don't, and so could see sideboard play.
And the winner is:
Most Likely to be Picked Last
What cards are you going to take a basic land over in hopes that the guy to your left runs it by accident?
The nominees are:
Horrifying Revelation – The mill on this card feels like someone spitting on my overcooked burger. "What, 1 mana to discard a card isn't good enough for you? Well, here's some extra seasoning, hope you like it!"
Caustic Hound – One time I tried to make a dog-themed deck, with as many good Hounds as I could find. Wild Mongrel was a four-of . . . then I ran into a bunch of cards as bad as Caustic Hound. I quickly became a cat-deck person.
Hexplate Golem – What, are those metal plates made of diamonds? This is the most expensive piece of scrap metal ever.
Shriekhorn – In triple Besieged, this could be an honest-to-goodness strategy. In real drafts, it's the kind of last pick you leave on the table when you get up to build your deck.
Training Drone – If you go through all the work of assembling Megazord, you want more than 2 mana off a 4/4 for your troubles.
And the winner is:
Coolest Card Concept
These cards are why I'm eternally grateful for the Magic creative team. I was watching a game of Yu-Gi-Oh years ago, and one card was called UFO Turtle. It was a turtle with a flying saucer on his back. Yeah, that could happen to our game, if not for the brilliant minds in creative.
The nominees are:
Pistus Strike – Reminds me of the X Files episode where the kid can command flies to do his bidding, and makes some other kid's head cave in by telling them to devour his brain. Man, that show was awesome.
Glissa, the Traitor – Not only does she kill you with just a poke, she then converts you into parts for her machines. She's like the queen of the Matrix.
Decimator Web – Whispers, You have ten turns.
Phyrexian Rebirth – Can you tell I like this card? This time, I'm appreciative of the idea that the skeleton-beast is putting itself together with the bones of The Fallen. Ooh, a femur—perfect for my "night on the town" look!
Leonin Relic-Warder – The encroaching shadowy claws, the "I knew it would come to this" look, I just love how this card tells a story. "You'll take these treasures from me over my dead body!"
Nested Ghoul – Classic video-game stuff here. After a tense fight, you finally finish off the big bad, and let out a sigh of relief. Just then, the corpse explodes, and out come a swarm of smaller enemies gunning for your face holes. I also dig how the heart and lungs are referred to as "useless meat."
And the winner is:
Best Design
Unlike the above, I don't care about the flavor of these cards. Instead, I'm looking for innovative, well-executed ideas.
The nominees are:
Contested War Zone – The fact that people are still debating whether this card is incredible or garbage tells me the designers hit a home run here.
Consecrated Sphinx – This Sphinx does something nobody has seen before, at a level just on the edge of constructed playability. Incredible in multiplayer, maybe great in Standard once the Titans rotate, and an overall cool card.
Steel Sabotage – An elegant way to give Blue some good utility. The modes on this card complement each other, and both should be used often.
Treasure Mage – Sure, it's just a Bizarro Trinket Mage, but anything that gets competitive players to put expensive, situational, awesome machines in their deck gets a shout-out from me. I'm going to cast more Myr Battlesphere this year than I ever would have guessed.
Lead the Stampede – I'm a Green player at heart, and this card makes me smile. It has just enough of a chance factor to generate excitement, but it hits enough to be worth playing. I look forward to thinking, "Reload!" while I put four Elves into my hand.
Hero of Bladehold – I can see that Wizards turned all the knobs up to eleven on this one. It's tough for attack-minded creatures that cost more than 3 to see competitive play, because aggressive decks don't want such an expensive creature, and control decks need something that stabilizes the board. This guy might be good enough to break that mold. Viva la midrange!
And the winner is:
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I hope you enjoyed this disjointed look at Mirrodin Besieged. Most of the categories are supposed to be lighthearted and silly, so take everything with a grain of salt. That said, I'd love to hear your opinions on what should have won, or any ideas for future categories. With a little luck (and your positive feedback), I'll be back with more awards in three months' time.
Until next time, thanks for reading.
Brad Wojceshonek
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Bonus Deck Lists!
"MBC Will Never Work"
- Creatures (11)
- 3 Abyssal Persecutor
- 4 Gatekeeper of Malakir
- 2 Grave Titan
- 2 Wurmcoil Engine
- Spells (26)
- 4 Duress
- 3 Diabolic Tutor
- 4 Go For the Throat
- 2 Mind Sludge
- 1 Black Sun's Zenith
- 1 Liliana Vess
- 1 Mimic Vat
- 4 Sign in Blood
- 4 Everflowing Chalice
- 2 Sphere of the Suns
- Lands (23)
- 23 Swamp
Only one Zenith, because we have plenty of other removal, we can search it up, and it gets shuffled in to get searched up again later. I'm pumped to use my three Persecutor (which are less than 7 tickets each on MtGO right now), especially now that I have nine ways to get rid of it. Liliana is a fine card against control, and Mimic Vat is a decent trump to creatures that won't stay dead (Vengevine, Bloodghast). The best opening is turn two, Chalice or Sphere; turn three, Abyssal Persecutor or Diabolic Tutor; turn four, Mind Sludge (probably tutored up). Then we close the game with either the Persecutor or a six-drop. We might be able to afford a couple of Tectonic Edge, but we need plenty of Swamps for Mind Sludge.
"Red Deck Wins Eventually"
- Spells (31)
- 4 Everflowing Chalice
- 3 Sphere of the Suns
- 4 Tumble Magnet
- 4 Contagion Clasp
- 4 Destructive Force
- 4 Koth of the Hammer
- 4 Lightning Bolt
- 3 Slagstorm
- 1 Mox Opal
- Creatures (5)
- 2 Inferno Titan
- 3 Wurmcoil Engine
- Lands (24)
- 24 Mountain
A new spin on the old Machine Red deck. Tumble Magnet forces your opponent to play at least two creatures, probably more if they ever want to kill Koth. Then you Slagstorm, or if that doesn't do it, Destructive Force. The Force is also your only weapon against Valakut Ramp, and you need to play it before they play Primeval Titan—so maybe more land destruction goes in the sideboard. Clasp is an all-star here, making your Chalice huge, keeping your Sphere and Magnet turned on, and cheating your Koth up to ultimate range. There's a lot of mana in this deck (thirty-two mana sources plus Koth), so you shouldn't have a problem playing your nine top-end spells.
