So you think you have what it takes to join our goblin gang? Well... it won't be easy! We're a tough bunch of tough cookies. Yeah, we're super tough. And if you want to be one of us, you have to be tough like us.

First, you need more spikes. Spikes on your clothes. Spikes on your weapons. Spikes on everything. Spikes everywhere. In fact, change your name to Spike. You got that, Spike?

Second, you need to talk tough and say things like, "nO dUh" and "wHaTEver..." and "PSCH..." so it sounds like you're opening a can of angsty, bored indifference. That's super tough.

Finally, you have to tease your own dad. Tell him his shirts don't fit like they used to and that his tie is lame. Stuff like that. Then jump on your ten-speed and meet us at the arcade.

Do all that, Spike, and you're one of us.

Art by Wizard of Barge