Greetings, readers, my name is Tasigur, and I used to be khan of the former Sultai clan. When I ruled the jungles of Tarkir as the Golden Fang, I was ruthless in my quest for wealth and power. Ant, or “Dragonlord Silumgar” as he forces me to call him, is a lazy good-for-nothing and has forced my zombified self to write his column this week. Typical dragonlord behavior.

“Enough complaining, foolish human! Write the article as I commanded or I will thread your head with gold and drape your lifeless corpse across my chest.”

Ye– Yes . . . Lord Silumgar . . . Right away, as you command.

Ahem. A little over a week ago, Ant—

“WHO!?”

Dragonlord Silumgar! Sorry, master . . . 

A little over a week ago, Dragonlord Silumgar and Mike Linnemann took a trip to Seattle, WA. While the two were there, they did a little sightseeing and spent quality time with friends and family.

As the pair adventured along the west coast, Mike decided to look into—and eventually picked up some—rare Alpha original art.

Look at them, enjoying the space needle and hoarding priceless treasures while their broods are busy at home gathering food. Again I say, typical dragonlord behavior . . . 

“Zzzzz . . . Zzzzz . . . Zzzz . . . ”

Ah! Perfect, the drooling oaf is asleep. Now I can stop referring to him as “Dragonlord” and fill you in on some of the more juicy details from Ant’s trip. You see, on this trip, Ant also visited Wizards of the Coast. While there, he forced me to serve as his commander in a number of games of Magic, all of which he lost (to my ultimate pleasure). I shall use this opportunity to recount his failures with you all and embarrass my current “master.”

Game 1: Cafe Commander, Part I

When Mike and Ant first arrived at Wizards, they faced off in a four-player Commander game against Wizards employees Colin Morris and Robert Schuster.

The first game was rather uneventful, with Mike going infinite by forcing his commander to use her magic in order to repeatedly sacrifice her ally on an oil-soaked altar, creating an infinite loop that allowed Mike to destroy all of his opponents’ resources, forcing their concessions. How I despise dragonlords.

Game 2: Cafe Commander, Part II

Game two proved to be far more interesting—and more humiliating for Ant. In this game, Robert and Colin both opted to switch out their decks and pilot W/U creations (most likely in an attempt to control Mike’s despicable behavior). Colin showcased the power contained within his deck early on by generating unlimited mana using a powerful ghost to summon an infinite supply of mana-infused artifacts.

Without a card in his hand or in play to make use of the infinite mana, Colin was forced to simply pass the turn. Unhappy about another player having more resources than he had, Ant was able to lock down the Ghost King with a large pile or fairy dust, effectively locking Colin out of his infinite mana.

Mike played a few cards that brought him dangerously close to his combo potential, drawing glares from both Robert and Colin. With his opponents suitably distracted (and tapped out no less), Ant opted to go all in, spending all of his wealth on one powerful spell pointed at Robert’s head:

Casting a Villainous Wealth for 13 is a rare event, even in Commander, and Ant was practically drooling when he cast his spell on his seemingly helpless victim. To his horror, and my ultimate delight, Ant’s dreams of wealth were shattered by the sheer force of Robert’s will.

Deflated, Ant was forced to pass the turn to Mike, having spent all of his mana with nothing to show for his efforts. Mike promptly untapped and decided that Melira should give everyone a crash course in evolutionary theory.

With a sacrifice outlet in play, and Robert’s only counter option spent, Mike went on to win the second game easily. If you are like I am, you are eager to know what list Mike was piloting in these games so that you can construct it for yourself and cause misery for your opponents. Well, let’s just say that your old friend Tasigur knows a girl who knows a guy and was able to procure that very list for you all.

Melira Combo? Commander | Mike Linnemann

• Commander (0)

• Creatures (25)
• 1 Acidic Slime
• 1 Artisan of Kozilek
• 1 Brooding Saurian
• 1 Brutalizer Exarch
• 1 Deadly Recluse
• 1 Deadwood Treefolk
• 1 Eternal Witness
• 1 Fierce Empath
• 1 Gatecreeper Vine
• 1 Genesis
• 1 Gobbling Ooze
• 1 Indrik Stomphowler
• 1 Krosan Tusker
• 1 Masked Admirers
• 1 Mwonvuli Beast Tracker
• 1 Riftsweeper
• 1 Sakura-Tribe Elder
• 1 Seedborn Muse
• 1 Starved Rusalka
• 1 Sylvan Safekeeper
• 1 Troll Ascetic
• 1 Woodfall Primus
• 1 Yavimaya Elder
• 1 Dosan the Falling Leaf
• 1 Hua Tuo, Honored Physician

• Planeswalkers (1)
• 1 Garruk, Caller of Beasts

• Spells (44)
• 1 Harrow
• 1 Noxious Revival
• 1 Savage Summoning
• 1 Summoner's Pact
• 1 Summoning Trap
• 1 Worldly Tutor
• 1 Cultivate
• 1 Explosive Vegetation
• 1 Far Wanderings
• 1 Green Sun's Zenith
• 1 Harmonize
• 1 Insist
• 1 Kodama's Reach
• 1 Natural Order
• 1 Primal Command
• 1 Ranger's Path
• 1 Regrowth
• 1 Renewal
• 1 Sylvan Tutor
• 1 Tooth and Nail
• 1 Asceticism
• 1 Cream of the Crop
• 1 Leyline of Lifeforce
• 1 Ooze Garden
• 1 Pattern of Rebirth
• 1 Perilous Forays
• 1 Survival of the Fittest
• 1 Altar of Dementia
• 1 Ashnod's Altar
• 1 Birthing Pod
• 1 Blasting Station
• 1 Citanul Flute
• 1 Claws of Gix
• 1 Crystal Ball
• 1 Culling Dais
• 1 Mana Vault
• 1 Mind's Eye
• 1 Phyrexian Altar
• 1 Sculpting Steel
• 1 Sensei's Divining Top
• 1 Sol Ring
• 1 Spawning Pit
• 1 Swiftfoot Boots
• 1 Trading Post

• Lands (29)
• 1 Bant Panorama
• 1 Buried Ruin
• 1 Crystal Vein
• 1 Diamond Valley
• 1 Ghost Quarter
• 1 High Market
• 1 Jungle Basin
• 1 Misty Rainforest
• 1 Oran-Rief, the Vastwood
• 1 Reliquary Tower
• 1 Strip Mine
• 1 Temple of the False God
• 1 Verdant Catacombs
• 1 Windswept Heath
• 1 Wooded Foothills
• 10 Snow-Covered Forest
• 1 Mikokoro, Center of the Sea
• 1 Miren, the Moaning Well
• 1 Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx
• 1 Yavimaya Hollow

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Game 3: Commander in Dominaria

After Robert and Colin said their goodbyes, Mike and Ant moved on to one of the nearby rooms at Wizards named Dominaria. There, the two would be split up as they each joined four-player Commander games at different tables. Ant decided to yet again force me to serve as his meat shield as he shuffled up and faced off against Liz Leo, Mark Globus, and Bill Stark.

With Mike no longer at the table threatening to combo out, Ant was able to experience a nice game of good, old-fashioned Commander. Haymakers were thrown left and right, and Ant laughed maniacally as he was able to cast spell after ruthless spell.

Ant was even able to surprise Glissa’s controller with a timely Reins of Power just after Bill had summoned a stampeding behemoth.

Liz was able to supply the means to Bill’s end via her combination of a burning furnace and a flaming giant, before both she and Ant were “hugged to death” by a gigantic, indestructible Angel. I so loved watching Ant’s defeat at the hands of yet another player skilled player.

Game 4: Star Planechase Commander

Having also been defeated in his game, Mike joined Ant in the loser's circle where the two planned to await the arrival of Ethan Fleischer, who was meeting the pair in order to get dinner. That was the plan anyway, until Mel Li sat across the table with her deck sleeved and ready. As the trio prepared their decks, Ant noticed a pile of Planechase cards sitting in the middle of the table. “We should so play Planechase Commander,” he exclaimed, a devious grin on his face. That decision would ultimately be his undoing. Ethan arrived as they were shuffling up the planar deck, followed by Shawn Main. “Planechase Commander?” asked Ethan. “Why don't we make this interesting and also play Star now that we have five?” Thus, the epic showdown of Star Planechase Commander was born.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Star format, the rules can be found here. In short, players sit down in a circle. The two players across the circle from a player are that player's enemies. Each turn, a player's creatures can attack either of these enemies or be split between them. The two players who sit adjacent to a player are that player's allies. A player's creatures can't attack his or her allies, but he or she can target them and their permanents with whatever spells he or she wishes. The seating for our Star game looked a little something like this:

To Ant’s dismay (and my delight), he found himself seated across from Ethan’s sea monsters and Mel’s army. The game went underway, and Ant found himself off to an early lead thanks to the plane of Otaria and a lot of lucky dice rolling.

His luck was not meant to last, though, as Ant soon found himself planeswalking straight into a planar phenomenon of pure chaos.

Ant came out of the other side of the Morphic Tide with an army of Demons, though they would prove useless in the face of Mel’s Dragons and Ethan’s powerful water Elemental.

With his back against the wall, Ant attempted to master the dark art of necromancy, only to have his enemy Ethan point out that the card was a nonbo (a non-combo) with me, his commander. Oh! How I wish you could have seen the look on Ant’s face as his own poor deck-building decisions cost him the game. I will never forget such a sweet sight as long as I remained animated as a glorified jewelry bead.

Ant was defeated in short order, but before he packed me away in disgust, I was able to use my vast wealth and influence in order to procure not only Ethan’s list, but Mel’s as well. I knew one day they would come in handy! What better way to anger the “Dragonlord” than by listing the two decks that defeated him in his own article. Muahahahaha!

Ethan Fleischer ? Commander | Creatures of the Briny Deep

• Commander (0)

• Creatures (39)
• 1 Benthic Behemoth
• 1 Breaching Leviathan
• 1 Brine Elemental
• 1 Chasm Skulker
• 1 Chromeshell Crab
• 1 Colossal Whale
• 1 Deep-Sea Kraken
• 1 Fathom Mage
• 1 Floodgate
• 1 Giant Oyster
• 1 Gomazoa
• 1 Guard Gomazoa
• 1 Harbor Serpent
• 1 Kederekt Leviathan
• 1 Kraken of the Straits
• 1 Man-o'-War
• 1 Marjhan
• 1 Nimbus Swimmer
• 1 Pearl Lake Ancient
• 1 Reef Worm
• 1 Scourge of Fleets
• 1 Scrapdiver Serpent
• 1 Sealock Monster
• 1 Seasinger
• 1 Serpent of the Endless Sea
• 1 Shipbreaker Kraken
• 1 Sigiled Starfish
• 1 Simic Sky Swallower
• 1 Slipstream Serpent
• 1 Stormsurge Kraken
• 1 Stormtide Leviathan
• 1 Thassa's Emissary
• 1 Tidal Force
• 1 Tidal Kraken
• 1 Trench Gorger
• 1 Inkwell Leviathan
• 1 Lorthos, the Tidemaker
• 1 Thassa, God of the Sea
• 1 Tromokratis

• Planeswalkers (1)
• 1 Kiora, the Crashing Wave

• Spells (20)
• 1 Tangle
• 1 Cultivate
• 1 Explore
• 1 Kodama's Reach
• 1 Rampant Growth
• 1 Treasure Cruise
• 1 Whelming Wave
• 1 Aquitect's Will
• 1 Asceticism
• 1 Lingering Mirage
• 1 Mighty Emergence
• 1 Nylea's Presence
• 1 Quest for Ula's Temple
• 1 Spreading Seas
• 1 Veiled Serpent
• 1 Elixir of Immortality
• 1 Simic Keyrune
• 1 Sol Ring
• 1 Unstable Obelisk
• 1 Bident of Thassa

• Lands (39)
• 22 Island
• 5 Forest
• 1 Command Tower
• 1 Coral Atoll
• 1 Hinterland Harbor
• 1 Llanowar Reborn
• 1 Opal Palace
• 1 Oran-Rief, the Vastwood
• 1 Reliquary Tower
• 1 Simic Growth Chamber
• 1 Simic Guildgate
• 1 Soaring Seacliff
• 1 Thornwood Falls
• 1 Yavimaya Coast

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Iroas, God of Tokens ? Commander | Mel Li

• Commander (0)

• Creatures (35)
• 1 Accorder Paladin
• 1 Archetype of Aggression
• 1 Balefire Liege
• 1 Beetleback Chief
• 1 Boros Reckoner
• 1 Dragonscale General
• 1 Duergar Hedge-Mage
• 1 Firemane Avenger
• 1 Forgestoker Dragon
• 1 Foundry Champion
• 1 Geist-Honored Monk
• 1 Goblin Wardriver
• 1 God-Favored General
• 1 Grenzo's Cutthroat
• 1 Hallowed Spiritkeeper
• 1 Hellkite Tyrant
• 1 Hellrider
• 1 Imposing Sovereign
• 1 Instigator Gang
• 1 Malignus
• 1 Mentor of the Meek
• 1 Ogre Battledriver
• 1 Precinct Captain
• 1 Rage Thrower
• 1 Satyr Nyx-Smith
• 1 Scourge of the Throne
• 1 Seraph of the Masses
• 1 Terra Ravager
• 1 Burnished Hart
• 1 Opaline Unicorn
• 1 Palladium Myr
• 1 Signal Pest
• 1 Aurelia, the Warleader
• 1 Krenko, Mob Boss
• 1 Rakka Mar

• Planeswalkers (1)
• 1 Ajani Steadfast

• Spells (29)
• 1 Magmaquake
• 1 Midnight Haunting
• 1 Orim's Thunder
• 1 Starstorm
• 1 Swords to Plowshares
• 1 Akroma's Vengeance
• 1 Decree of Justice
• 1 Goblin Rally
• 1 Increasing Devotion
• 1 Krenko's Command
• 1 Launch the Fleet
• 1 Mizzium Mortars
• 1 Rousing of Souls
• 1 Wrath of God
• 1 Assemble the Legion
• 1 Chained to the Rocks
• 1 Citadel Siege
• 1 Five-Alarm Fire
• 1 Glory of Warfare
• 1 Legion's Initiative
• 1 Outpost Siege
• 1 Prison Term
• 1 Spirit Bonds
• 1 Explorer's Scope
• 1 Fire Diamond
• 1 Godsend
• 1 Skullclamp
• 1 Swiftfoot Boots
• 1 Spear of Heliod

• Lands (34)
• 13 Mountain
• 13 Plains
• 1 Clifftop Retreat
• 1 Command Tower
• 1 Ghitu Encampment
• 1 Homeward Path
• 1 Opal Palace
• 1 Sunhome, Fortress of the Legion
• 1 Vivid Crag
• 1 Wind-Scarred Crag

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“TASIGUR!!!”

That’s all I have time for this week! Tune in next time when I will teach you how to repurpose an old zombie into a fruit bowl.