Welcome! I’ve called you all to this gathering today to discuss your imminent release into the wild, so to speak.

We are the wild! Burn the city!

What’re you doing here, Borborygmos? You weren’t on our invitation list.

Borborygmos: Burn! Smash it to dust!

Rakdos: Let the cyclops stay. He’s clearly passionate and should be allowed his say.

I do not wish to deny anyone their passions, but he will have his turn come February. Goodbye, Borborygmos.

Now then; where were we? Ah, yes. I’ve called you here today to talk about our return to Ravnica. To start off, I’d like you all to introduce yourselves. Rakdos, since you’ve already spoken, why don’t you start?

Rakdos: There’s not much to say really. I’m a giant demon living in a lava pit. Anyone saying that’s abnormal will find themselves invited as the guest of honor to a lively party.

That doesn’t sound so bad. Trostani?

Trostani: There is no need to introduce ourselves. We are part of the Worldsoul, as are you.

All right . . . Mind going next, Jarad?

Jarad: I am Jarad vod Savo, Golgari Swarm’s guildmaster, but I will not always be this. One day, there will come an usurper, and I will return to the rot of life.

Now, that’s more like it. How about Isperia?

Isperia: I am the law. Obey, and there will be no cause for worry.

Yikes! I shall attempt to stay on your good side.

Isperia: See that you do.

Has anyone seen Niv-Mizzet? Any idea when he might arrive?

Niv-Mizzet: I am already here.

Uhh . . . And where might “here” be? I can hear you, but that hardly seems ideal for a roundtable discussion.

Niv-Mizzet: I can hear you. That is enough.

Right, I suppose it is.

All right, let’s get to the meat of this meeting. I’ll be asking the lot of you some questions, and you are free to answer as you see fit.

Rakdos: Why are you asking the questions? Those in power should hold the interrogator’s seat.

Well, yes . . . I imagine that is the usual course of action. However, I have many readers today who would like to hear your answers. They wish to learn more about the esteemed leaders of Ravnica’s guilds.

Isperia: Is there no order to our answers? Must we be barbarians about this?

Trostani: Our answers will create the necessary order.

Err, I’m afraid we will not impose such tight restrictions today. I do apologize, Isperia. I hope you are still able to join us.

Isperia: I dislike it, but the people must be allowed to hear us. I will stay.

All right then. When we last left Ravnica, things were a bit . . . chaotic. The Guildpact had been broken, a number of you were not guildmasters, and the rest were thought dead.

Rakdos: Must we talk of that again? A demon loses a battle once in ten thousand years, and for the next thousand, all anyone can say is, “Weren’t you the guy they tossed into the lava pit and left for dead?”

Jarad: It was a time of much-needed change. Ravnica had grown stale and bloated, like the water of a dammed river. We have broken that dam and shall now thrive.

Trostani: The Worldsoul is our one, true guide. The Guildpact was well-intentioned, but it could not help all of those in need.

Isperia: It was a time of great shame for Azorius. We have struggled to regain our integrity since.

Niv-Mizzet: It was propitious.

Interesting. Some of you seem happy concerning those events, but a few do not.

Rakdos: Of course I’m not happy about it! Did you not hear me? I was thrown into a lava pit!

Jarad: I thought demons enjoyed such things.

Rakdos: Are you mocking me? Join us for a festival, and I will allow you to mock me all you want.

Err . . . I imagine Jarad will consider that honor with the time it deserves.

Now then; back on track. How about current events on Ravnica? Do you feel your guild is still fairly represented among the populace?

Jarad: It is good. Life moves, and Ravnica moves with it. The Golgari are kept busy, and our work thrives with little distraction.

Trostani: There is no “fair representation.” We are all connected, and thus, cannot be devalued.

Isperia: Ravnica has calmed, and Azorius will keep it that way.

Rakdos: The city would be livelier without the meddling Azorius and pretentious Boros harassing the Cult, but that will change in time.

Isperia: I warn you, demon.

Rakdos: Warn me? Ha! Go ahead and spout words at me from your high tower. We will see who has the last laugh.

Isperia: I do not laugh, I–

Okay! How about you two continue that conversation after I’ve left for another plane? I’d hate to be caught up in the excitement—if you know what I mean.

Niv-Mizzet? Are you still there? You haven’t answered for the Izzet League.

Niv-Mizzet: My answer is not required. It is obvious.

Glad to hear your voice, but perhaps next time you could be slightly less cryptic.

Right. You really should work on that silent image of yours. It’s probably a big reason you’re having trouble with the ladies.

So, what do you all think about the prerelease promos announced for your return? Do you think they show your best side?

Isperia: The Archon is our representative. He was chosen for that purpose.

Trostani: There is no best side to any guild. Each has its qualities and is loved or hated because someone else cannot accept them. We are happy to share the Guardian’s Grove with you.

Rakdos: They are insignificant. The guildmasters should have been chosen, and I will personally entertain whoever made the decision to spurn us!

Jarad: It is a strength of the Golgari shown, but one card cannot truly exhibit the complexity of an organism such as the guilds. Rakdos is correct: The guildmasters would have been a better choice.

Niv-Mizzet: It is a whelp, nothing more.

Those are the best answers yet. It’s a shame we have finally gotten on a roll now that we must begin wrapping up. Any last message to your adoring fans out there?

Rakdos: Why live life in the doldrums? Join the Cult, and never be dull again!

Trostani: The Worldsoul speaks to us all if we are just willing to listen. Let calm and pacifism enrich your life.

Isperia: You may choose not to join us, but do not think that frees you of our law.

Jarad: Life is but half the cycle. If you are wise, you will spend it nurturing the entire circle.

Niv-Mizzet: The Izzet are seekers of knowledge and truth.

I think that was the longest sentence you’ve spoken this entire discussion, Niv. Can I call you Niv? Niv? Are you still here?

Well, I hope that gives you all a better insight into the minds that rule Ravnica! See you next week when we interview the laborers on a Golgari rot farm and find out what they have to say about the plane’s notorious food shortages.