Everyone has their pet peeves. Magic players are no different. Many of them could simply be addressed by players following good Magic etiquette. This applies to casual players, tournament players, judges, and even spectators. Since I'm not a casual player and I'm not in the habit of telling judges what to do, my focus will be on tournament players and spectators.

Most of the things that bother me can be broken down into seven different archetypes of annoying players. If you find yourself reading one of these descriptions and it sounds like you, it’s time for you to seriously consider making some changes. These types of people don’t just bug me, they’re a scourge to Magic players everywhere. Just because you see a lot of people doing these things, doesn’t mean that it’s okay for you to be one of these guys. Trust me: You don’t want to be that guy.

The Chatterbox

Most of my biggest pet peeves involve people saying the wrong things at the wrong times. Some people seem to think it's necessary for them to be speaking at all times. When it comes to Magic, this just isn't the case. Let's take Draft for example.

So many people seem to think that it's acceptable—or perhaps even important—to talk during Drafts. This is against the rules, distracting, and annoying. Instead of making an announcement to the table about how you can't believe how ridiculously good the pack is, just make a mental note, and tell your friends about it later. Incessant chatter doesn't make you seem impressive or amusing; it makes you seem insecure and juvenile. The more professional your demeanor, the better you'll be able to focus, and the more other players will respect you.

I also hate when people think Sealed or Draft deck construction is a group activity. This is especially relevant if you're playing in an event with deck registration. Don't ask people, “I can't decide; which of these three cards should I cut?” Deck-building is one of the skills you're being tested on in a Limited tournament. If you can't wait until after the event to discuss your deck's build with your buddies, at least wait until you've submitted your decklist.

Keep your chatter under control during the match also. You don't need to ask me, “How many cards in your hand?” more than once a turn, and preferably, it should be fewer times than that. When I'm trying to decide which creatures to attack with, don't ask me, “My turn?” It's my responsibility to let you know when my turn is ending, and I will. In addition, I'm happy to make small talk with you before and after the match, but don't bombard me with it while I'm trying to make play decisions.

At the end of the match, the loser should always offer to shake hands. The winner should immediately shake hands and say one of two things: either, “Good game,” or, “Sorry about that,” if it wasn't a good game. This practice will help show others that you're a good sport—win or lose. Being a bad winner or a bad loser is shameful, and other players will take notice and think less of you for it.

The Know-It-All

Everybody has met this guy. This guy wants everyone to know that he knows things. Anytime he can find an audience, he needs to share his seemingly endless knowledge about everything and, in particular, Magic. He'll talk about cards in absolutes (“This card is complete garbage, and that card is a no-brainer first pick”). Once he's heard or read somewhere that a card is good or bad, his mind becomes completely closed.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for some productive discussion about card quality and sharing Magic ideas. What drives me nuts is when people feel the need to insert themselves into and then dominate other people's discussions with their supposedly superior knowledge. Being a Know-It-All is even worse if it's a person who regularly goes 0–3 in Draft and maybe came close to a PTQ Top 8 that one time three or four years ago.

The Whiner

Sadly, most of us have been this guy at one time or another, but that doesn't make it okay. This is a guy who spends his time constantly complaining to anyone who will listen about his bad luck, his bad deck, his bad draws, and his bad matchups. Yes, Magic has variance. Luck plays a role in the game. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't take some responsibility. Did you draft well? Did you build your deck optimally? Did you shuffle well? Did you make good mulligan choices? If you make optimal decisions at every point in the process, you begin to see why so many of the same players are consistently successful.

One of the worst versions of the Whiner is the one who whines and then wins anyway. At least wait until you lose to complain—especially if you're going to whine to your opponent. Instead of focusing on the past, focus on how you're going to prevent it from happening next time. My favorite example of this attitude is Paul Rietzl. He used to tell me that every single time he lost a game that there must have been something that he could have done better at some point. He took complete responsibility for everything that didn't go his way in Magic. Being a rational human being, I'm sure Paul understands that some things are just a result of variance, but this is a great attitude, which I'm sure has helped him reach his recent high level of success in premier events.

The Casual Guy

The Casual Guy sits down across from you at the beginning of the match and tosses a die onto the table. If it's a high roll, not only does he expect you to roll it also, but he expects the person with the highest roll to be allowed to decide who goes first. The method for determining who goes first should always be discussed and agreed upon in advance before any dice are rolled, coins are flipped, and so on.

I’m not really sure why this guy even plays in sanctioned events. He doesn’t tap his lands all the way. He keeps asking to take things back. He keeps changing his blocks. After he shuffles his deck, he has cards facing in different directions. He doesn’t even use anything to keep track of his life total, never mind yours. Either he tries to keep track in his head (“What was I at again?”) or he tells you that he trusts you to keep track for both of you. He also likes to hold his hand of cards below the table for some reason, and he constantly needs to be reminded to keep his cards above the table so he doesn’t look like a cheater.

The way the Casual Guy plays is asking for constant judge calls. If this is how you handle it, he will get sullen, wondering, “Why do you have to be such a rules lawyer?” Yet his lack of precision and clarity leads to frequent confusion and rules violations. If you choose to play in a sanctioned event, take it at least somewhat seriously, and be sure to make your plays deliberate and clear.

The Eccentric

Of the seven archetypes, this guy is usually the most harmless, but he can still be annoying. The Eccentric feels the need to stand out and show off how different he is. He will often wear weird hats or have various good-luck charms or mascots that he places near the play area while he should be shuffling and preparing to play. He likes to bust out his giant play mat at the beginning of the match and ask if you would mind playing on it. If you decline, he will try to set it up just on his side, but he usually ends up encroaching on both your space and the place space of the adjacent matches.

He will have special dice for keeping track of life totals, and then he'll be completely flustered when they are accidentally moved and there is some uncertainly of what the life totals are. He will often keep his nonland permanents behind his lands, which inevitably causes some visual confusion during the match. The Eccentric loves to generate tokens—then, he can break out his soft-porn anime token cards that show off how “creative” and “interesting” he is. In reality, he's just comes across as having poor taste.

The Scumbag

This guy is the worst. It’s often hard to tell whether he’s a cheater or just a jerk. The Scumbag likes to tell you how bad you are and point out how horrible your plays are—whether or not they’re actually bad. The Scumbag is that guy who loses to you on Magic Online who then starts telling you how awful you are and how much you suck and that he’d beat you nineteen out of twenty times. He’s the player who is surprised to find that he keeps being reported to Magic Online customer service.

I could probably write an entire article just about Magic Online etiquette problems. For some reason, the Internet brings out the worst in people. Believe me: As an Internet writer, I know. The anonymity of sitting behind a computer screen instead of across from a real-life opponent often turns people into trolls and scumbags. They'll try to put weird pauses into their games to try to time you out. When they're about to lose, they'll refuse to pass priority.

They also use despicable terminology. I hate when people like to talk about how “that card totally raped me” or “I got mana screwed and it was so gay.” The fact that you're playing Magic doesn't make it okay for you to talk like that.

The Scumbag can also be a bully in person. He constantly insists that you play faster while taking plenty of time for his own decisions. He also looks to take advantage of new players and young kids. This is the kind of guy you would despise outside of Magic, too.

The Obnoxious Onlooker

Many people seem to think that if they’re not playing in the match, they don’t have to worry about how they comport themselves. This leads to people often being obnoxious spectators. If you want to watch your friend play, watch from your friend’s side of the table. If you think one of the players is doing something wrong: Be really sure that you’re right, and talk to a judge about it. Don’t ever talk to the players in the match that you’re watching. On a more personal note, I really hate when a spectator talks to my opponent in a language that I don’t understand. It’s bad enough that you’re talking to a player in the middle of the match, but for all I know, you might be giving him all sorts of illicit information. In case you’re wondering, English is the official language of the Pro Tour, but this doesn’t really need to be relevant—they shouldn’t be talking to each other anyway.

Don't stand so close. If a player in the match would be able to touch you by stretching his arms out, you're way too close. Perhaps my biggest problems are with spectators who aren't really watching. Too often, I'll be playing my match, and someone will walk up to a spectator and start telling him about the match he just completed. Realize that my match is still going on, and take your conversation elsewhere. On a related note, if I'm drafting or playing, it's incredibly obnoxious when a spectator has an obvious reaction to something. How often have you seen a spectator run away and start whispering to all his friends after someone makes an interesting pick in a Draft, draws a good card, or makes a potentially bad play? It's really uncool for you to distract me and/or perhaps give my opponent extra information.

These are all guys whom you really want to avoid being. You should be trying to prevent other people from being these people also. If someone is talking during the Draft, call over a judge. If someone is being the Know-It-All, ignore him. If someone is a Scumbag to you online, report that person. If a spectator bothers you, ask to have that person removed. Too many people are too embarrassed to take these steps. They somehow feel that they should have to feel guilty if they take action. Please don't feel this way—these people are the problem, not you. It's time that we get that message out there.