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Recently we went over the best furry critters, which included Rabbits, Mice, Raccoons, and Squirrels. At the time, I knew I wanted to also go over the best scaly critters and the best flying critters eventually as well.
So today, we're doing it! Well, one of those categories anyway.
However, not all the critters I want to include have scales. So instead, we'll be renaming this group to the cold-blooded critters, which will include Frogs, Lizards, Snakes, and Turtles. In total, there are 441 creatures within these four types. I've gone over them, and I've picked out some of the coolest.
Let's begin!
Alpha Deathclaw
I'm a huge Fallout fan. In fact, Fallout is my absolute favorite video game franchise. So it's no surprise that Alpha Deathclaw would make my list of best cold-blooded bros. This is basically an upgrade to something like Noxious Gearhulk. Bigger stats, more keywords, destroys any permanent, and does it twice while bringing back the monstrous mechanic like it's 2013. The only downside is that it's two colors, but that ain't no thang.
Basking Rootwalla / Blazing Rootwalla
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Look at these lil guys. Basking Rootwalla was a lynchpin in numerous decks back in the day - from R/G Madness to U/G Madness to Squirrel Opposition - and was BFFs with cards like Wild Mongrel and Merfolk Looter.
In the modern era we've seen his brother, Blazing Rootwalla, appear much more recently in Modern Horizons 2. Both see play as four-ofs in Vintage Bazaar decks, because apparently having eight creatures to discard and cast for zero mana is pretty good.
Hexdrinker
What a beast! I mean snake! What a snake! This is basically a baby Progenitus, and it's a really good one. The number of games I've won with and lost to Hexdrinker in Cube is definitely up there. It's a creature that commands an answer, and you usually only have one turn to find it. Sure, you can still use sorceries or enchantments to kill the Hexdrinker for another turn or so, but we all know those are significantly less common, especially in Constructed formats. After that, it's all downhill. Everyone knows from cards like True-Name Nemesis how strong protection from everything can be.
Kappa Cannoneer
What a turtle! Kappa Cannoneer was like a $20 card when it was first printed, and it dominated Legacy. Now it's legal in Modern, and sees much less play in either format, which is sad, because the turtle still feels like a powerhouse. Between improvise that lets you cast it earlier than you should otherwise be able to, and ward 4, which is nearly just hexproof, this card is a real headache. And that doesn't even touch on the fact that it consistently gets both larger and unblockable.
Maybe it's for the best though that the Cannoneer sees just enough play to remain relevant. Either way, this will always be the GOAT turtle in my heart.
Mystic Snake
Mystic Snake is one of my absolute favorite Magic cards. It's not overly powerful; I just really connected with it very early in my Magic career and I'll always have a soft spot for it. It was also really strong back in the day when it was Standard legal, albeit that was something like 20 years ago.
With Cryptic Command also being one of my favorite spells of all time, I'm almost 100% sure that Mystic Snake was my gateway drug for that fondness. I think I just love four-mana counterspells that also give you additional forms of value.
Psychic Frog
Oy vey, this card has been a real surprise, dominating both Modern and Legacy, only to get recently banned in the latter format. Psychic Frog is so extremely versatile, and does an incredible job propping up different archetypes. It's a great discard outlet for decks like Reanimator, it can beatdown, it can get evasion, and it even draws cards both when you deal damage to a player or a planeswalker. That's a lot of benefits for a card that costs a mere two mana.
The Gitrog Monster
While not a huge Constructed player, The Gitrog Monster is a fan favorite. It has a ridiculous nine different printings, which includes three new ones in the upcoming Innistrad Remastered. One thing I love about The Gitrog Monster is that it's a very easy card to build around. It's a great design that tells you exactly what it wants you to do and how it wants you to play the game. This is presumably why it's popular with Commander players: it's a great card to build a deck around. All of that stapled onto a very strong 6/6 with deathtouch for a reasonable cost.
Winding Constrictor
Winding Constrictor sees practically no play these days, but there was a time when it was in the most dominant deck in Standard. In fact it won the Pro Tour in the hands of Seth Manfield with a Sultai Energy deck in 2017.
Apparently putting an extra counter on all of your creatures that get counters is a pretty strong strategy. Apparently getting an extra energy whenever you acquired energy was also pretty strong. Especially with a deck full of cards like Glint-Sleeve Siphoner, Longtusk Cub, Walking Ballista, Attune with Aether, and Rogue Refiner (the latter two which would later go on to be banned).
Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll catch ya next time!
Frank Lepore
