Readers!

I am taking a break from my usual shenanigans to talk about something I don't often talk about. You see, I really like alternate win conditions, or cards like Insurrection or Craterhoof Behemoth that end the game abruptly. I like when a game ends abruptly. Games that don't tend to pick off one person who is then obliged to watch for 30 or 40 minutes after a survivor wipes the board and everyone takes forever to finish the other two off. It's how a lot of games of Commander end, but it's not my personal preference. I get it - combat is fraught. Early in the game, it makes sense to chip at life totals by one or two points if someone is ramping rather than playing blockers, but in a 40 life format, those chips don't always add up before someone does something drastic. With Poison counters being added to the mix heavily and with Proliferate everywhere making it possible to kill someone after only one hit (or they play a spell like Infectious Inquiry and Venser you to death, you know, Magic as Richard Garfield intended) EDH pods will be weird for the next few months, maybe forever. In short, I need to play more blockers, and I need to be prepared to win with combat damage.

I'm not ENTIRELY incapable of doing so - the last deck I built in paper, Isu the Abominable, is predicated on growing your commander and beating face. I approached that concept with some trepidation and wound up using more land tutoring than normal because I really wanted to make sure I got a Rogue's Passage. Why? Blockers. I don't like blockers. If I am going to have to resort to doing combat, I don't want my hard work impeded by blockers, something I now lack because I attacked. People don't like to feel vulnerable so they mostly clutter the board with obstacles until someone wipes. I want my creatures to be big, powerful and ignore blockers so I can maximize the amount of damage I deal to faces. I want to pretend blockers don't exist.

The vehicle for this concept is essentially a Thesis Enchantment. Behold, my commander!

OK, not really, but also, not exactly not.

Ol' Zinfandel here loves to be a copy of Unnatural Growth that is conditionally more difficult to get rid of. People still do play the occasional non-exile sweeper and Blasphemous Act wipes more boards than any two Wrath effects combined [citation needed] so this shrugs off a lot of pesky removal. However, you're likely confused because I talked about avoiding blockers and this offers no evasion whatsoever. The secret is that this doesn't do that, it makes the creatures you attack them with bigger. The rest of the deck is for avoiding blockers, and there are more ways to do it than newer players might know.

The first time we had poison and proliferate together it was... well, it was pretty good, actually. The set was Scars of Mirrodin and it was one of the best sets of all time in my opinion. Rating all of the sets on a scale from Homelands to Battle for Baldur's Gate, I'd give Scars of Mirrodin an Innistrad and a half. I know, generous, right? It earned it, however, because the Infect was relegated mostly to Black and Green and Green had a very sneaky way of getting those poisoners through and it happened with a card that showed up in every single draft of that set I did.

Tangly boy didn't just have Intimidate himself, he granted it to the rest of your Green creatures. In a Mono-Green deck, that's almost all of your creatures, usually. That's a lot. Speaking of "a lot" you are going to double the power and toughness of your creatures when you attack. What's that? It says "each combat?" That's right - you're less vulnerable than you might normally be because the power and toughness of your blockers is doubled as well, making even your utility dorks fairly formidable. Beast Whisperer is too valuable to risk death as an attacker, but a 4/6 Beasty Boy is always down to fight for his right to party as a blocker. There aren't too many effects like this, especially at uncommon, but a lesson from the last time we dealt with Infect creatures, we learned to fear (pun not intended) and respect this menace (this pun was literally not intentional and I didn't catch it until I moved on to the next paragraph).

Still, if Tangleboi is dealt with, or they have artifact creatures, which is likely, we'll need a few other ideas. One such idea I had was to ignore blockers. No, we can't literally pretend they're not there, but we can make sure our creature punches them, and harder than a trample creature would have. That's right, we're going to use the Rhox ability.

Rhox is not a creature I necessarily intend to sleeve up given that this would be printed as a uncommon in today's Magic. Still, remembering doing tricksy things with Rhox reminded me to check if we have an aura or equipment that can grant this ability to a creature.

Outstanding. This is very funny, especially as a combat trick because you can pick which creature this goes on at the absolute last minute, or throw it down in your precombat main to watch your commander make it a +6/+6 bonus and then Unnatural Growth makes it a +12/+12 bonus and why do I have goosebumps all of a sudden? Is it because I long to live in a world where blockers don't matter.

Also, there are a ton of effects like this.

Now, we COULD just play creatures with evasion, but if we can run some cards that make all of our creatures tricky to deal with in combat, we can just play good creatures and that's it. Wouldn't you like to play big, dumb, dummies?

Also, I talked about this deck WAY too much, but I am putting in a Monarch subtheme. I trust you to catch that looking at the decklist, but I'm going pretty deep on it because I like cards, I have never cast Court of Bounty and want to, and Regal Behemoth is enough of a reason to commit to getting value from it in a deck this mana-hungry. We're going to play big creatures and we expect them to not die in combat. Here's how I'd build.

Getting Blocked is for Chumps | Commander | Jason Alt

• Commander (1)
• 1 Zopandrel, Hunger Dominus

• Creatures (35)
• 1 Augur of Autumn
• 1 Avenger of Zendikar
• 1 Azusa, Lost but Seeking
• 1 Beast Whisperer
• 1 Bellowing Tanglewurm
• 1 Brawn
• 1 Craterhoof Behemoth
• 1 Dawnglade Regent
• 1 Defiler of Vigor
• 1 Elder Gargaroth
• 1 God-Eternal Rhonas
• 1 Grothama, All-Devouring
• 1 Guardian Augmenter
• 1 Gwenna, Eyes of Gaea
• 1 Gyre Sage
• 1 Incubation Druid
• 1 Kamahl, Heart of Krosa
• 1 Kodama of the West Tree
• 1 Managorger Hydra
• 1 Nylea, God of the Hunt
• 1 Old Gnawbone
• 1 Old One Eye
• 1 Pathbreaker Ibex
• 1 Questing Beast
• 1 Ramunap Excavator
• 1 Regal Behemoth
• 1 Runadi, Behemoth Caller
• 1 Silverback Elder
• 1 Sylvan Safekeeper
• 1 The Tarrasque
• 1 Thunderfoot Baloth
• 1 Tireless Tracker
• 1 Titania, Protector of Argoth
• 1 Ulvenwald Oddity // Ulvenwald Behemoth
• 1 Vorinclex, Monstrous Raider

• Planeswalkers (2)
• 1 Nissa, Ascended Animist
• 1 Nissa, Who Shakes the World

• Instants (4)
• 1 Heroic Intervention
• 1 Momentous Fall
• 1 Realms Uncharted
• 1 Roiling Regrowth

• Sorceries (8)
• 1 Awaken the Woods
• 1 Cultivate
• 1 Finale of Devastation
• 1 Genesis Wave
• 1 Nature's Lore
• 1 Splendid Reclamation
• 1 Tempt with Discovery
• 1 Titania's Command

• Enchantments (8)
• 1 Burgeoning
• 1 Court of Bounty
• 1 Elemental Bond
• 1 Exploration
• 1 Garruk's Uprising
• 1 Indomitable Might
• 1 Primal Rage
• 1 Unnatural Growth

• Artifacts (8)
• 1 Arcane Signet
• 1 Crucible of Worlds
• 1 Dragon Throne of Tarkir
• 1 Emerald Medallion
• 1 Sol Ring
• 1 Swiftfoot Boots
• 1 Sword of Forge and Frontier
• 1 The Great Henge

• Lands (36)
• 18 Forest
• 1 Boseiju, Who Endures
• 1 Castle Garenbrig
• 1 Dryad Arbor
• 1 Fabled Passage
• 1 Lotus Field
• 1 Lotus Vale
• 1 Misty Rainforest
• 1 Prismatic Vista
• 1 Thespian's Stage
• 1 Throne of the High City
• 1 Verdant Catacombs
• 1 Vesuva
• 1 Windswept Heath
• 1 Wooded Foothills
• 1 Yavimaya, Cradle of Growth
• 1 Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx
• 1 Dark Depths
• 1 Concordant Crossroads

Buy This Deck Export text format

This looks like a LOT of fun. I don't get to play decks like this often enough, and I love it! A few things to note.

I considered going through the trouble of adding a Cloudstone Curio package to the deck because it's so strong to cast God Eternal Rhonas a bunch. If you both, the package should include Erratic Portal, Mimic Vat, Cloudstone Curio, and more mana.

Rather than mana dorks like Llanowar Elves that can't benefit from having their power and toughness doubled when it's time to block, I opted for mana dorks like Gyre Sage and Incubation Druid. They're great for going from four mana to six but not great for going two mana to four, so bear that in mind when you mulligan.

This is the best possible deck for Dragon Throne of Tarkir. I have never tried to make it work but I've always secretly wished it would. I literally cut Decimator of Provinces to add it and I regret NOTHING. You hear me? I'd do it again, but how often do I build decks like this?

You can easily make the mana base cost way less. This is how I'd build to take advantage of cards like Ramunap Excavator but this deck would be perfectly functional with 36 forests.

What do we think? Too high a mana curve? I missed your favorite card? I have like no way to make a lot of mana? (good point, actually, this will require some tinkering)? Leave it for me in a sarcastic tweet. Thanks for reading, everyone. Until next time!