After my prompt 3–3 exit from Grand Prix Atlantic City, I went right up to Richard Castle’s room to write and record the voiceover for this, which turned out very well because Richard Castle is the nut-high and everything he does is amazing. I was thrilled that he chose me to ride his coattails that weekend, even if it meant that our fair manager Adam Styborski forced me to shave a full beard without the aid of shaving cream.

After recording, he took me out to dinner, where we wisely chose run back the fried calamari from the night before while watching Colin Kaepernick run train on a football team that vaguely resembled the Green Bay Packers.

Oh, shit. This is a Magic article. Okay, okay. Sorry about the football. I’ll get to the point.

Like most people who went to Grand Prix Atlantic City, I started to feel a little sick. I had been battling a head cold all week, so I figured this was a natural progression of that. By the time I woke up on Sunday morning, I was barely able to swallow without excruciating pain. I popped eight Advil (I’m not a doctor, but I still don’t recommend doing this), drove home to Syracuse, was diagnosed with strep throat by my girlfriend, and promptly passed out.

I woke up the next day and called my doctor only to find out that he was on vacation for a week. That meant I had to make the half-hour drive down to Cortland and wait around in their Prompt Care wing for two hours just to pick up a prescription for some stupid antibiotics.

If you’re still reading this, I just want to commend you for hanging in there while I get to the point, which is that I was in no shape to go to anywhere in the week following GP: Atlantic City, let alone a Modern Pro Tour Qualifier in Binghamton, NY. At this point, Modern reminds me a lot of these trailers:

We banned Bloodbraid Elf and Seething Song! Or something! Whatever, you’ll still play it, fuck you! I say all of that with the complete knowledge that I have no idea how to “fix” Modern or whether it was even broken in the first place. I will say that it’s hard to look at the Modern banned list and try and suss out what its goal is. It’s really all over the place. Wild Nacatl is on it.

Eventually, I received a call from my friend Jeff (the same one featured here), who was offering me a seventy-five-card deck for the PTQ that weekend. The deck?

"R/G Tron"

• Creatures (6)
• 2 Spellskite
• 3 Wurmcoil Engine
• 1 Emrakul, the Aeons Torn

• Planeswalkers (4)
• 4 Karn Liberated

• Spells (31)
• 4 Ancient Stirrings
• 4 Pyroclasm
• 4 Sylvan Scrying
• 3 Oblivion Stone
• 4 Chromatic Sphere
• 4 Chromatic Star
• 4 Expedition Map
• 4 Relic of Progenitus

• Lands (19)
• 2 Forest
• 4 Grove of the Burnwillows
• 4 Urza's Mine
• 4 Urza's Power Plant
• 4 Urza's Tower
• 1 Eye of Ugin

• Sideboard (15)
• 1 Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre
• 1 Grafdigger's Cage
• 1 Vandalblast
• 1 Electrickery
• 3 Nature's Claim
• 2 Back to Nature
• 2 Combust
• 1 Oblivion Stone
• 1 Wurmcoil Engine
• 1 Sundering Titan
• 1 Ghost Quarter

Buy This Deck

I’ll try to explain the deck briefly for the uninitiated: You’re trying to assemble Urzatron—that is, get Urza's Mine, Urza's Tower, and Urza's Power Plant in play simultaneously—as quickly as possible and then drop huge, hard-to-answer threats every turn until your opponent just dies. A deck like this is one that I don’t mind picking up the night before a tournament. It’s quite linear, and the list makes it inherently easy to play to your outs, something I admittedly have trouble doing a lot of the time.

I made it to the venue at about quarter of nine in the morning and saw Reid Duke, of all people. Apparently, he was just trying to get the flight. Still, I got to hear people all day, saying, “TAKE IT EASY ON HIM, REID,” whenever he’d be paired up against their friends. During the lunch break, Jeff told me about this exchange he witnessed:

Reid: “I play professionally, if that’s what you mean.”

Random Guy: “Oh wow, so do you just eat, sleep, and breathe Magic?”

Reid: “ . . . I guess?”

Random Guy engages bedroom eyes.

I get it. He’s very good at Magic, and between his articles and his finishes (his GP: Nashville streak is nothing short of insanity), he has a very impressive body of work. However, I have no idea why someone would think that this gives them carte blanche license to act like a weirdo. I imagine this is how attractive women feel in bars. It’s fucking gross.

Witnessing idiot Magic players will never cease to shock me. Maybe it’s because I’ve met the smartest people I’ve met, people who will be my friends for life, through this game. I don’t know. All I know is that every mouth-breather Magic player I come across always makes me question why I am where I am, and I can’t figure out how to shake that.

As I was saying, I made it there at around 9:00 A.M., and I was still very sick. My head was pounding, my nose and ears were stuffed up, and I had to keep asking myself why I wasn’t at home sleeping. Not the best mindset for a tournament. By the time the seatings for the player’s meeting went up at around 11:00 A.M., I’d gone through a box of tissues.

I’d also like to note that this particular PTQ has feature matches, played in a dark room. This seems really silly to me, and I was met with a lot of “Well, they have the camera equipment, so why not stream feature matches?” I dunno. Maybe I’m just a cynic. Still seems silly to me to have feature matches at a frigging PTQ. Maybe I’m way off on this one. I trust you’ll let me know kindly and gracefully in the comments.

Round 1 – Joe Herod with Dredge

Game accounts of this deck all kind of blend together: “I cast Karn Liberated/Wurmcoil Engine/Oblivion Stone, and the opponent died.” Sometimes, it’s Sundering Titan and in especially nice games, it’s Emrakul, the Aeons Torn—but the games pretty much boil down to: Assemble, play a big threat, and win. It’s odd to think such a simple plan could actually work. Joe got me with a bunch of Vengevines in Game 2 before I could draw an Oblivion Stone, but my graveyard hate showed up in our other two games, and that was enough to clinch the match for me. Pretty unlucky for a guy running Dredge to run into another dude running four main-decked Relic of Progenitus in Round 1.

1–0

Round 2 – Andrew Boswell with Jund

A lot of these games feel the same because R/G Tron is so linear; whether you win or lose is usually centered on how well your opponent can answer your spells because you’re doing the same thing every game. The height of your interaction with your opponent is generally the activation of an Oblivion Stone. I was extremely thankful that Andrew wasn’t playing the white version of Jund with Stony Silence out of the sideboard. Stony Silence is one of the few cards that just destroys R/G Tron quickly and efficiently. I say this because in Games 2 and 3, I won with Sundering Titans and Wurmcoil Engines, and even though we went to time, it was wonderful.

2–0

Round 3 – Erik Moskal with Boros

Erik made Top 8, so you can see his decklist:

"Modern Boros"

• Creatures (26)
• 1 Spikeshot Elder
• 3 Figure of Destiny
• 3 Hero of Bladehold
• 4 Goblin Guide
• 4 Grim Lavamancer
• 4 Plated Geopede
• 4 Steppe Lynx
• 3 Thalia, Guardian of Thraben

• Spells (12)
• 3 Path to Exile
• 4 Lightning Bolt
• 4 Lightning Helix
• 1 Isochron Scepter

• Lands (22)
• 3 Mountain
• 3 Plains
• 1 Boros Garrison
• 1 Slayers' Stronghold
• 2 Sacred Foundry
• 4 Arid Mesa
• 4 Marsh Flats
• 4 Scalding Tarn

• Sideboard (15)
• 2 Sowing Salt
• 2 Ratchet Bomb
• 2 Torpor Orb
• 2 Volcanic Fallout
• 3 Rest in Peace
• 2 Spellskite
• 2 Stony Silence

Buy This Deck

Early on in Game 1, I traded a Pyroclasm for a Plated Geopede and a Figure of Destiny and assumed that there was no way I could lose. Later on, I’d assembled Tron, but I was at 9 and facing down a Hero of Bladehold and two Soldiers. The previous turn had been a bit of an adventure:

Jon: “Sure. You get two triggers.”

Erik reads his own Hero of Bladehold. “Okay, I wanna do it so that the soldiers get the battle cry.”

Jon: “Uhh . . . I can’t tell you how to do that. Just stack your triggers.”

Erik tanks. “I . . . want . . . battle cry first, and then the . . . tokens.”

Jon: “You got it!”

Erik: “Whew!”

My only choice on my turn was Wurmcoil Engine, so I played it, allowing my opponent to miracle a Path to Exile and beat me.

Another upside of playing R/G Tron is that it’s extremely proactive and encourages you to play as though the opponent doesn’t have the answer. That’s thanks to the nature of its threats and that such a small number of cards interact with them profitably. At the time I played the Wurmcoil Engine, Erik was down to one card. R/G Tron, and proactive decks in general, are in the unique position of being able to demand specific answers from an opponent. My sample size here is small; I could be mad that my opponent drew the Path to Exile or I could acknowledge that he simply hit his four-outer and that, were the sample size to increase, he probably wouldn’t hit Path to Exile the majority of the time.

The one mistake I made in this tournament that I’d love back was not bringing in Nature's Claim. I figured Erik was running Stony Silence in his sideboard, but based on our triggers exchange in Game 1, I predicted he wouldn’t recognize how good Stony Silence was against my deck, especially since I didn’t show him a single Oblivion Stone in Game 1.

While he shuffled for Game 2, he accidentally showed me a Rest in Peace, presumably to make Wurmcoil Engine a little bit worse. I fervently prayed for him to draw one because I am the worst. Again: He made Top 8. Spoiler alert: I did not.

Erik did not draw any Rest in Peace. He did, however, draw a Stony Silence and follow it up with a Blood Moon, and that was enough to take the game and the match.

2–1

Round 4 – Dan Munson with Storm

3–1

What I’m learning more about Magic and myself is that I’d rather win on my own terms than by angle-shooting or some other bush-league tactic (example: asking your opponent how many cards are in his hand while he’s in the tank in an effort to throw him off his thought pattern). If someone is legitimately better than I am at Magic, I should lose. I am eighty-seven percent sure this makes me a complete scrub, but that’s okay, ’cause I like Magic itself a lot.

Round 5 – James Rynkiewicz with R/W/U Tempo

• I won the die roll.
• I mulliganed to six.
• He mulliganed to six.
• I mulliganed to five.
• He mulliganed to five.
• We both kept. I played Urza's Mine and passed.
• He played Hallowed Fountain tapped and passed.
• I played Urza's Tower and passed.
• He played Celestial Colonnade and passed.
• I played Urza's Power Plant and cast Karn Liberated.
• He scooped.

That game isn’t representative of how the matchup plays out, but it doesn’t get much closer than that. All of his creatures die to Pyroclasm. All of his usual trumps, such as Geist of Saint Traft, are nonissues against a deck with four Pyroclasm and three Oblivion Stones. He needs to have Path to Exile for all of my Wurmcoil Engines, and he needs to find them with no real deck manipulation to speak of. I, of course, have Eye of Ugin.

In our second game, he has another really slow start, making his first play on his third turn, in the form of an Aven Mindcensor to stilt my Expedition Map. I hit the Tron land I was looking for regardless and resolved a Sundering Titan, earning a quick concession from James.

4–1

Round 6 – Ryan Manning with Affinity

Game 1 involved him playing a second Cranial Plating into my onboard Oblivion Stone. I did not lose that game. I guess I should take this opportunity to mention that Ryan also made Top 8. For completion’s sake, let’s take a look at his decklist:

"Modern Affinity"

• Creatures (25)
• 3 Arcbound Ravager
• 3 Memnite
• 3 Steel Overseer
• 4 Etched Champion
• 4 Ornithopter
• 4 Signal Pest
• 4 Vault Skirge

• Spells (20)
• 1 Shrapnel Blast
• 4 Galvanic Blast
• 1 Whipflare
• 2 Steelshaper's Gift
• 4 Cranial Plating
• 4 Springleaf Drum
• 4 Mox Opal

• Lands (15)
• 2 Mountain
• 2 Glimmervoid
• 3 Inkmoth Nexus
• 4 Blinkmoth Nexus
• 4 Darksteel Citadel

• Sideboard (15)
• 3 Blood Moon
• 2 Ethersworn Canonist
• 1 Ancient Grudge
• 1 Torpor Orb
• 2 Spellskite
• 2 Rest in Peace
• 1 Phyrexian Revoker
• 1 Ray of Revelation
• 1 Whipflare
• 1 Dispatch

Buy This Deck

The other two games were largely frustrating: In Game 2, I hit a Pyroclasm to kill a Memnite and a Steel Overseer, but they were a turn too late to save me from a pair of 1/3 Ornithopters. From there, I just bricked on my draws a lot while he hit running Cranial Platings.

Wouldn’t see what?

Well, the truth of the matter is, he had me dead onboard. Let’s say I block the Etched Champion with my Wurmcoil Engine. During the declare blockers step, when Ryan receives his priority back, he sacrifices the Etched Champion and two Darksteel Citadels to his Arcbound Ravager, making it a 4/4. Wurmcoil Engine doesn’t gain me any life since the creature it blocked isn’t there to deal any damage to, and I take 4 and die.

Now let’s say I blocked the Arcbound Ravager. During the declare blockers step, Ryan would sacrifice a Darksteel Citadel to Arcbound Ravager and then would sacrifice the Arcbound Ravager to itself and move its two +1/+1 counters over to Etched Champion, thanks to modular. I would take 4 and die.

What Ryan did instead was cast Ancient Grudge on my Wurmcoil Engine, which gave me two blockers and another two turns to draw any number of Wurmcoil Engine, Oblivion Stone, Emrakul, the Aeons Torn, Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre, Karn Liberated, Nature's Claim . . . you get the picture.

I don’t have to tell you how this ended, right?

Ryan made Top 8, and I didn’t. Sometimes, the games are just outside of your control. Your opponents can try to hand you as much as they want. You can only hope that they are punished for it. Sometimes, though, they just don’t.

4–2, drop

There were a hundred twelve players in the tournament, which meant that while the tournament was seven rounds, we were hitting the upper limit of a seven-round tournament. As a result, a 5–1–1 record was far from guaranteed to make the cut to Top 8. Ryan and another player made Top 8 at 6–1, while the five players who went 5–0–2 also made Top 8. Jeff, who finished with a 5–1–1 record and an unintentional draw, ended up missing Top 8 to Erik on tiebreakers.

Going forward, I would make the following changes to the deck:

Main deck: −2 Spellskite; +1 Sundering Titan; +1 Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre

Sideboard: −1 Sundering Titan; −1 Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre; −1 Back to Nature; +2 Spellskite; +1 Nature's Claim

The Back to Nature could be almost anything else that tickles your fancy. Kozilek, Butcher of Truth? Why not? Mindslaver? Sure! A fifth Karn Liberated? Works for me!

Ultimately, though, I was happy with how the deck performed. I was upset about how my last match ended, but it’s possible that had I sideboarded correctly in Round 3, I would’ve never been put in that situation at all. A lot of people use this quote from Rounders, because it’s true, but it’s actually from a book called “Confessions of a Winning Poker Player.” Jack King writes, “Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career.” Like I said, it’s true. And it’s the gamer’s curse, in a way. You can always recall how you blew games, but not how you put yourself in a position to do so.

Jon Corpora

Pronounced Ca-pora

@feb31st