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Commanding Commander: Taeko the Pet Turtle

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When I talk about a pet, what jumps into your mind? For me, it's the classic: the dog. In my case, I think immediately of a mini poodle named Louie, who died of cancer in 2020 and I still miss every day. I also think of three very silly chihuahuas (including one with only three legs) and a silky terrier who likes to pick on everyone else in the house.

Some people think of cats, too. I love cats, but my wife, sadly, is allergic, so I have to get my cat time at other peoples' homes. (Then shower and change my clothes.)

But I've known people with all kinds of pets: snakes, rats, spiders, ferrets, chickens. The list goes on; our relationship with domesticated or contained animals goes back a long time as a species.

In honor of our furry, scaled, spiny, slimy, hard, and feathered friends, I thought it'd be fun to do a series where the Commanders could all be pets of some kind. I figured it could be a great way to frame some articles, honor those pets we've loved and have moved on, and look back at some classic deck-building techniques in the runup to a new set next month.

Little did I know it was going to be hard!

There are lots of dogs to consider. The cats are mostly anthropomorphized like Ajani, but there is one that looks like a house cat. From there... it gets tougher. We'll explore the choices I made over the next few weeks, but first, let me tell you a bit about Elvis.

When my brother bought his first house, he wanted a pet for his young daughter to take care of. He worked long hours, so they needed an animal that could handle lots of time alone. They got a turtle named Elvis. Elvis has been in their family ever since (that young daughter now has two younger siblings, both of whom are out of college!). So, I thought: let's start with a Turtle!

Taeko, the Patient Avalanche

This turtle would make for an odd pet, I have to say. But who knows? Maybe he just wants some cuddles and to watch TV.

On the other hand, there is certainly a direction here - Ninja Kindred. I like that idea! Lean hard into the Ninja synergy, lots of Ninjas popping in and out of Combat - sounds like fun.

On the other hand, I really want to use my Top Five Deck-Building Tips for Beginners, and I feel like Kindred decks often don't really need articles - they kind of build themselves.

So, this deck is going to be more Ninjas-light, with a focus on surprise attacks, but it'll also be a bit broader, with some other possible ways to win, and it will follow the deck-building structure laid out in that article. Ready? Here we go.

Taeko Surprise Attack | Commander | Mark Wischkaemper

Card Display


The deck-building protocol starts with 40 Lands, so that's what we've got. We have a number of dual Lands, the couple which sneak a Creature through, and several other utility Lands which let us look at cards or turn into Creatures, which can be used to trigger Ninjitsu.

Next up is ramp and draw. For a four-mana Commander, we need nine pieces of ramp, so that's what we've got. Most of them make the two colors we need; Sol Ring doesn't but is worth it anyway. Dimir Keyrune is like a Creature Land here; we can attack with it, trigger Ninjitsu, then just recast it.

Most of our card draw is tied to doing damage to players with Combat; but that's easy for us, because we have so many Creatures that can't be blocked. However, ub also tends to draw a lot anyway, so we actually have a good number more than 12 which get us drawing. I'm not going to complain about it, though; this deck wants to see its cards. That said, we have just about every version of Coastal Piracy made. As your board develops, watch your triggers and stack them so you Scry before you draw!

Note we also have the wonderful Baleful Strix here. It's not here to be card draw, but it works out - it's evasive, and we can often bounce it back and recast it, getting ourselves another card in the process. I love that little bird.

Next up is interaction, and we have some good ones. I thought it'd be fun to play with some different things than I normally use (anyone who follows my work, for example, knows I love Life's Finale), so we have Final Act and Tegwyll's Scouring as board wipes, Withering Torment, Reality Shift, and Scour from Existence as spot removal, and Silumgar's Command, Sublime Epiphany, and Cryptic Command as catch-all options. As I've played this game and format more and more, I've really begun to like these spells with lots of options; we pay for them, but the versatility is worth the cost in a high-mana format.

Now we get to build to our Commander. Taeko wants Creatures to leave the Battlefield but not die, and he can make himself or someone else unblockable for the rest of the turn. We could go blink, and my first thought was that - Flicker stuff with great ETB effects, build up Taeko, then attack with him all huge and unblockable. But the Ninjas called my name, so we have three basic categories of cards while building to Taeko's strengths.

First up: things that can't be blocked. Our Baleful Strix is a great example, but we also have Triton Shorestalker and a variety of other cheap Creatures which either can't be blocked or fly. We really only need one, and we want it to be cheap so we can recast it after it gets bounced back to our hand. Feel free to use Dimir Infiltrator in this way, but don't forget you can Transmute it too, which is excellent if you have one thing but not another (it's great at finding Crystal Shard, for example). Silent Hallcreeper will probably be bounced, but hey, if it gets in, we get extra stuff. Seems good.

Second: payoffs. These are our Ninjitsu cards. We've got some fun ones, making Treasures, drawing cards, killing stuff... it's lots of fun. Go nuts.

Third: Return those Ninjas. If we're lucky enough to attack with a Ninja in a way it can't be blocked, great; use Taeko or some other way, sneak it in, and do some damage. You can always bounce it for another Ninja. But if you can't, a way to return the Ninjas is helpful, so we have a few. Crystal Shard is probably best, but Cunning Evasion is excellent as well. Decoction Module is a little awkward, but worth it in a pinch. Grazilaxx, Illithid Scholar is wonderful, drawing us cards and bouncing things.

We do have a few other cards which interact with what we're up to. Dour Port-Mage draws us just for doing what we're doing; Satoru, the Infiltrator does too. A couple of Kaito planeswalkers round out the list, and with that, we have ourselves a deck.

This deck will be fun to play. It also can win in a few ways; the Ninjas are the obvious one, but they're pretty small. I actually think it's more likely you'll needle with the Unblockables and Ninjas, then eventually attack with a huge Taeko for the win. But watch your triggers, draw lots of cards, and look for your opening - you never know how the thing might play out.

Additionally, it's adaptable. If you want to go more the Ninja route, you can. You can also make it a bit grindier with more interaction and fewer tricky plays, but the ones you play can be huge, like Ink-Eyes. And a flicker-based deck could work too. As a shell (see what I did there?), it'll allow several options for updating in the future.

Thanks for reading.

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