MJS: Rebuked by Phyrexia! The symbol should have been done a little differently here to avoid looking similar at first glance.

ML: I agree.

The face and shoulder feel a little out of place. Because of that, the piece looks rushed to me.

MJS: This is a really nice, poignant illustration. I believe this guy. And the dark, red-lit symbol of Avacyn embodies the conflict of Innistrad perfectly, and the red also appears to be blood.

ML: This is a perspective shift that gets my art senses tingling.

Just look at it and enjoy.

MJS: Oh my God, my favorite card from the set!!! It’s a fox!!! Going in my fox deck!!!

ML: I love Kessig. It’s the most resonant setting I’ve seen thus far. I spent a lot of my childhood in the Black Forest, and it feels so familiar to me. I want every fat pack to be covered in Kessig artwork.

How large is this fox? Is it a fox–wolf hybrid? Look at the face.

MJS: That’s a lot of bird shit.

ML: Indeed.

The skirt looks like Innistrad to me. The art feels like Innistrad to me.

A shame that it’s just a Limited combat trick.

MJS: This is a bit boring to me. It would have been great if the hounds were all dachshunds. Mike, do you have a pic of your doxie handy?

ML: You kidding me? One?

ML: He’s a fast Wien.

MJS: Interesting chair on the left. I saw a chair just like it in the window of the Persian-rug store downtown, and I want one. Seriously, though, I would have preferred to see the focus tighter on the dogs. This is a lovely illustration, but from the art alone, I would think it’s some other kind of spell:

Who Let the Cats Out

Enchantment

Hounds your opponent controls can’t attack (because they’re distracted by kitties).
“I can haz dis-trakshun?”

ML: I thought so, too. It could be a “finding evidence” spell or “sniff out the meth lab” card.

I like that the appearance of dogs brings out the “smell evil” trope.

So, each dog is 1/2, except that one’s 1/1. Pretty sure dachshunds are like 2/1. Their name means “badger dog” in German. You ever see a badger? Wicked-evil. Bet if he had like four Wiens, he wouldn’t even need a crossbow. Just saying.

ML: I’m three feet tall again! Woooo.

MJS: This would have been epic-awesome if the mob could have been shown just outside a tavern, leaving the bar. Glad they put a woman in there! Flavor makes sense to me—they get more and more pissed off as their teammates die.

ML: Pancoast talks briefly of this piece on his blog.

MJS: This is such a vibrant piece; how can you not appreciate it? Even if it isn’t your style (it isn’t mine), the colors, movement, and fun of it have to catch your eye and resonate!

ML: The movement is fantastic. It’s busy, and people will memorize the color more than the actual art, but I dig it. Plus, there’s a perfect quote from the Lunarch to tie it to everyday religious matters.

MJS: Mike, are the Palumbos related? David and Anthony, I mean?

ML: Yes. They’re brothers.

MJS: Anyway, I enjoy that this guy is dark and handsome. I think, though, that the flavor text is blah and that it does signify a more urgent narrative—so he should be a bit more frantic with that bell. But maybe he’s the calm, collected type. I think this has a lot of flavor synergy, and it’s nice to see a “regular dude” sexily portrayed and with such a dynamic ability.

ML: Higher-res image here.

I would love some insight into this man’s life. Is he always on-edge? Is he highly stressed or always relaxed? Does he always need to fight or not? This card will be played in Limited a ton, and knowing a little more about him could be fun.

Is he in Thraben?

Yes, flavor text, we know what he’s doing. Give us some more.

MJS: Like the card, love the flavor text, do not like the art. Why would I ever want to make a copy of that guy from Leverage? I’ve seen him in person, and he’s 5′7″ or shorter.

ML: MJ doesn’t like short guys. Also, MJ’s short.

MJS: It’s a very literal interpretation of the card, which I wouldn’t have minded with a vampire, drake, dragon, devil, demon, or werewolf as the subject. Pretty much any other creature would have been cooler than Christian Kane. I do like the palette of the piece, though.

MJS: For what it’s worth, I preferred this hairstyle/facial-hair combo when Travolta had it in Swordfish. Gabriel was a cool villain; I don’t care what anyone says. Also, Halle Berry goes topless in it . . .

ML: Halle Berry! Halle Berry! (1:52 works.) Oh, she fine. Can’t even blame Adrian Brody at all.

I smiled at the flavor text.

I grinned at the figure. Kind of looks like Doug Beyer to me.

MJS: There will always be only one Dirk in my heart. The Daring, biatches! I think the art on Essence Scatter is better while being similar in concept. Also, I just learned that Dragon’s Lair was inspired by another of my favorites: The Secret of NIMH.

ML: I’m so confused.

I had to look up both of these things—then it all came rushing back.

Geistmage, it’s about time you learned what a planeswalker is. Your mind may be blown soon.

ML: Neat use of a dream state. Keep in mind that Innistrad is a cold plane. Everyone wears those old-timey nighttime clothes.

MJS: I think I’ve had this dream. I also used to own that nightgown. Now I’m creeped out.

MJS: Expensive Fog. Art depicts people who just saw the sex scenes in Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I (out in November).

ML: You would watch Twilight, MJ. Team Jacob!

Another weird-perspective piece. Tilt your head sideways and to the right. Now look at the figures. Do the buildings look correct still? Uh-uh. Weird to me, too.

I like his hat.

MJS: I don’t think I understand this card. It looks like Pirates of the Caribbean: Innistrad, but I can’t figure out why she comes back to the lantern if you pay a blue mana or why her flavor text has to be so depressing.

ML: How can I cast this spirit if it’s in a streetlamp?

Does my mana free it, and then imprison it with a single ?

Rather confusing.

Also, every ghost setting near water for the next decade will have to reference Johnny Depp and those pirates. Stupid pop culture ruining everything.

MJS: Ophelia from Hamlet, yes?

ML: Looks like it.

MJS: Not sure why the permanent returns with the counter . . . But I would hang this on my wall and listen to Jack Johnson’s Banana Pancakes while looking at it.

ML: If anyone plays D&D and knows the Ravenloft campaign setting, I can sense a tie-in to horror there. Kudos if that is an intention.

If this ghost has secrets, can’t they just talk with dead? Just saying: Liliana can pry anything out of anyone with a little caressing.

MJS: Ludevic, New Phyrexia ex-patriot, keeps making dude after ugly dude . . . 

ML: This feels super-awkward. Where are the spikes coming from?

I think hooks on the ends of limbs are fantastic. I think real skaabs would have all sorts of evil things attached to their appendages for optimal killing. In doing so, the Magic aesthetic would appear a bit too video-game, so WotC uses it sparingly. I saw what they did there.

MJS: Very pretty. I like this piece for the feeling it gives me. Like I was actually standing there and saw the heron spirit go by . . . Flavorwise, I would have assumed that Avacyn’s symbol would be more powerful than a 3/2 for 4.

ML: Moon is so big! I already covered what I think about that.

Those towers feel like Thraban (notice the Avacyn symbol) and not a vampire castle to me, but a postmodern tower. Where is the top-of-the-church, Baroque feel we’ve been given earlier? This feels out of place.

I would assume it’s a cemetery to justify the difference, but the Avacyn symbol serves as an architectural element that denotes height. (Directly to the right of the symbol.)

MJS: I can’t zoom in, but from my computer, it looks like her bootie is hanging out.

ML: Nah, other things are, though. High-res image here.

MJS: What is going on here? Are they just flesh-colored panels on her dress?

ML: The light on the card frame isn’t the best. It’s an unfortunate thing.

I love how the symbols look handmade; they aren’t in the same place on every step. Clever touch, Svetlin.

MJS: Same colored contacts as Merfolk Mesmerist.

ML: Yup.

Are those cairns Basalt Monoliths? Now, that would be an awesome reprint.

Is it on the Reserved List? No?

Awesome.

MJS: This art is very blue. Mike?

ML: Quite. A little oversaturation.

So, are geistmages evil or not? Are they condoned by the church, or are they tolerated? Similar to Christian sects, maybe.

MJS: Nifty picture. What’s a Sturm? I think of Sturm Brightblade from Dragonlance. Okay, so Elliot looked it up and sturm means “storm” . . . Fine. No Solamnic Knight-Geist for MJ! Well, to be honest, I prefer my Nyxathid, anyway.

ML: I love this art. It reminds me of Terese’s Visions of Beyond, which has amazing art, which I would argue is among the best in M12.

Immediately upon seeing this card, I thought one thing: Huh, I bet some German localization person gave a card this name already.

And I checked: They did. Storm Spirit is Sturmgeist in German.

Geist is simply “ghost” in German, so I assume WotC looked into this.

They now call this version “Unwettergeist.” Forced fit, but it works.

MJS: Like! Funny, and actually useful. Love the colors in the illustration.

ML: Clever flavor text.

The movement is fantastic in this piece, and the looking-down perspective is a nice changeup.

MJS: This name is a bit Care Bear for my taste. Let’s keep an eye on that, okay?

Tenderheart Bear.

Brave Heart Lion.

ML: I can’t even come close to approaching that. Plus 1, MJ.

MJS: I don’t get why you sac the Weevil to make the discard happen. It seems that as long as the Weevil was alive, it’d be eating brains and you’d be discarding cards. But it’s a frightening idea, and a great illustration.

ML: Maybe you throw the weevil. Maybe the weevil explodes and something happens.

MJS: And it reminds me of the “lesser of two weevils” joke that Russell Crowe delivered in Master and Commander. Heh, heh . . . 

ML: How does this weevil attack other planeswalkers in a duel? Think about it. Vorthos looking too much into it? Yes, indeed.

MJS: Husband quote: “That art really is beautiful—it’s too bad the card blows.” He just mumbled something about Nihil Spellbomb and Trinket Mage. I don’t know what he’s talking about, but this art is heartbreakingly lovely in that Final Fantasy way that the Jana-Johannes team is so adept at. I’m weeping tears of scotch right now. Looks like she had some, too. That’s a wave of Islay scotch about to wash away her painful consciousness. Oh, God! My heart hurts.

ML: Scotch is overrated. Both the tape and the drink. Come at me, MJ.

Horror has stabilized points of lowered stress, of lowered inhibitions, and of weakened states. This fits it perfectly.

ML: Yes, this obsoletes Weakness. Yes, Weakness hasn’t been printed since M10. This card is an exact opposite of Edge of the Divinity.

Could Dead Weight be a story focused on a sidekick who gets tripped or on a hero who betrays his loyal companion? Sure, the name could be trite, but it’s something to think about when reading card names. “What does this mean for future sets?”

MJS: I really like the allusion to our own organic/enviro-conscious food movements. If only those damn chickens knew they really are free . . . they could escape becoming tasty morsels in my mouth.

ML: “Nothing flashy, just a twisted priest having his daily chant over the sacred altar in a creepy room. Of course, the chance to paint skin tones in lime green is always nice.” — Clint Cearley

Clint admits that he didn’t give it his full focus. I’m okay with that; reality cannot be ignored, even with commissions. I do love the skin tone. It’s just creepy how the old man’s skin and light interact.

The name fits as a clean top-down nod: “Yup, that makes sense.”

I wish my Melira Commander deck could use this card; I would love another easily repeatable sacrifice effect. Something to keep in mind about this card: Morbid goodness is almost guaranteed with this.

MJS: I like this guy. Sometimes, when you don’t think it’s going to be epic, you really nail it. I wonder who he is, where he came from, and why he chooses to follow . . . wait, what’s his name? Griselbrand? Really? As in: He’s Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s gristle-flavored son? If your name just makes me hungry, instead of petrified, and you’re a demon, I’m surely going to have to make fun of you.

ML: Gisa and Gerald.

MJS: Mike, who the hell is Gerald? Gerald O’Hara? Remind me not to make Gisa my enemy. She sounds as dangerous as a Kardashian sister. Shudder.

ML: They’ll cut you to stay famous—absolutely. Our local media, since Kris Humphries is from Minnesota, has been all over these damn women. Bah.

Read the Josh Brauer Vorthos viral story coming out. A person is nicely compiling all of the pieces for us here. He’s @mtgfiction on them Twitters.

MJS: Is that Jadar? I have a crush on him. He looks industrious. He raises ghouls. Flavor seems on-point. The quote seems a bit Uruk-Hai tonight we feast on manflesh–ish, or whatever, but everything has synergy (Synergy. – ML) and the movement in the piece really appeals to me. It’s zombies on a mission, not lazy stoner zombies sitting around in a bad marriage to Jennifer Aniston.

ML: I think Jadar is the mage who raised these things, MJ. Thinking zombies are pretty scary, though.

This “blessed sleep” seems to be a total myth told to commoners.

MJS: This art is scary, and I probably can’t play it because it’s awful. As in: looks awful. Which is good, because the card is called Gruesome Deformity. Those tricksy demons! Watch your back. Is she married? Does a ring on that finger mean the same in Innistrad as it does ’round these parts? Bet her spouse is pretty pissed, if so.

ML: Power is a universal human aspiration, and has been through time.

I talked about this in a past article. We all wish to have power and status, but we don’t always do it consciously. It’s the reason beauty changes from one generation to the next.

What I wonder is whether she is actually still married. For example, if her husband died, does she maintain her power? In many medieval cities, when the man died, the woman lost everything. A similar concept applies with gay and lesbian people today. The beneficiary isn’t always assumed, and it’s sad.

I wondered about the ring thing, too.

Prior to the De Beers folk, diamonds weren’t really worn for married people. It’s a controlled market. Diamonds aren’t really that rare, you guys.

ML: Fantastic art, Eric. He’s a Spectrum-winning artist, and this art shows why.

I like these variants of the original Drudge Skeletons.

MJS: I heard Liliana of the Veil went on a date with this guy. If you don’t believe me, check her Facebook page!

ML: Holy moly. Look at those hands. Did they ask for the horror trope of living trees knocking at the window? Nah. How about a hand tearing down a frickin’ church? Go get it.

I do like keeping anthropomorphic elements relegated to specific animals, but I don’t see it as distracting. This is using a werewolf/wolf element in a werewolf’s woods. That’s the connection.

I like the lit-up stained glass window. If it were dark in there, you wouldn’t be able to see it. Does it mean there are people inside, or is it that the artist just wanted that to be seen? Either way, I like it.

MJS: This is terrifying, and I do believe, because of the ringing bell reference, that the church is inhabited. But doesn’t “maw” mean mouth? It seems like the mouth of the swamp dragging the church under would have had more synergy.

ML: Synergy.

MJS: The art, nevertheless, is ridiculous-cool.

ML: Yes! Snakes should have a higher power than toughness . . . just like in real life.

Everything else in this card just makes sense. The background isn’t overwhelming, so as to narrow in focus on the snake. The art reinforces the zombie type and sets Wizards up for future snakes as vanilla 5/1’s or 4/1’s. This is great top-down design. So many examples that are such home runs.

MJS: Mike is right on. I just wish the snake didn’t look like he had so much personality. I can’t not see Kermit the Frog singing “The Rainbow Connection” in there.

ML: How tall are these soldiers?

Are we little people?

I love Kopinski’s work—I really do—but this piece feels out of perspective. Keep in mind that Karl Kopinski created the promotional artwork of Liliana on the throne.

The armor looks regal, and the flavor text shows another example of how vampires and humans coexist other than “strutting Leo.”

MJS: Yeah, this is hobbit-view, or shorter. They’re not patrolling, either. They’re gate sentries. Just saying. I have a hard time reconciling vampiric selfishness with soldiering, too.

ML: Quick! Is Marella in the art? Did she feast and kill her handsome stranger, or is that he in the art?

. . .

. . .

. . .

Clarity is vital.

I’m worried that top-down designs can become too obvious, and cards like this give me hope that cards will be made for Vorthos to argue over in the forums—that’s our jam.

MJS: Marella is clearly a human mother who threw a party for her debutante brat. The “handsome stranger” was a vamp who fed on the brat when they went off to make out in the courtyard. Marella is not in the art. She’s an idiot. That is the hunky guy, depicted along with the unfortunate daughter.

ML: Nephalia is home to the sailors, and sailors means typhoid! Nice! Logical! Top-down!

This art reminds me of the Beebles from back in the day.

MJS: Typhoid is not as sexy as tuberculosis.

ML: Cause that’s way sexier.

ML: Just give us some Ironclaw Orcs. We want them.

So where is this? Let’s break it down:

Kessig? No autumnal season.

Gavony? Not a city.

Nephalia? Nothing seaworthy.

Stensia? Looks like it.

So, the crack in the earth in Stensia is what is letting the demons, devils, and other elemental creatures into Innistrad proper. Um, vampires, you better get on that.

MJS: This art looks just like Immolating Souleater, or Furnace Scamp, or the non-Scars Fiery Hellhound.

ML: I love this card. The name is logical, the flavor text is what a commoner with a little education would say, and if I were in 1987, I’d make this an album cover. Look at that sky and castle. Winning.

MJS: Yes. Specifically, a Meat Loaf album cover.

MJS: I just realized it’s Angelina Jolie in this video. And there’s “Magic” in the lyrics. Need I say more? If there’s karaoke on Magic Cruise 2012, some epic *bleep* is going down, my friends.

ML: Can we plug the Cruise now?

I’ll be there, MJ will be there, Garfield himself will be there, and it will be awesome. We’ll even be able to see Russia from the Alaskan coast. True story.

ML: MJ, I’m going to defer to you on this.

MJS: Good lord. I was hoping you had some kind of art-history-major info to link to or something. So . . . she’s bangin’. We must assume all Crossways are hot. They lure passersby into their manicured grasps. I can see it; her aura is overtly sexual, but composed, like Jane from AI. Remember her?

There’s also some Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon impertinence.

And then, there’s the Pamela Anderson boob job, which doesn’t need a picture. Sigh. Crossway Vampires obviously comprise a clan or tribe of some kind—there can’t just be one. She’s Barony Vampire, but with plastic surgery so that she can distract her opponents into carelessness. I don’t know. This art is just strange.

ML: I do love the castle in the background, though, despite how pasted-on the figures look in the piece.

ML: Love that blood-red forest. Gahhh, I love Kessig. I want everything to be Kessig-branded.

Why doesn’t a silver dagger kill werewolves, yet a wooden stake does?

Think about it . . . 

MJS: Is that a trick question? I say the wooden stake kills weres because it’s a vulnerability of their dog side. They want to fetch the stick. They can’t resist; their eyes follow it. It makes them pant. They can’t resist drooling a little, and they let down their defenses. A dagger doesn’t take advantage of that. They see the dagger as the threat it is, and they fight accordingly.

ML: Or . . . the magical enchantment on silver no longer works . . . 

ML: John Avon, getting after commissions that aren’t land. Love it. Here is another case of the small card frame problem, as evidenced by the pike being out of the frame.

This card is subtle flavorfully. The flavor text is the corner of a submerged idea. The more times you pray for aid or cast spells that your god allows, the greater this artifact becomes. It awards the righteous and gifted. What also can be deduced is that their religion doesn’t discriminate. Truly powerful and evil mages can equally benefit from this pike’s power.

Maybe a runechanter is more than just a religious person. Maybe it’s a prefix that can be both good and evil.

MJS: ”Runechanter” reads to me like some kind of invoker. A weapon for those who “call upon” faithfully, whether it’s to Good or Evil or something gray and In-Between.

ML: I like this card. It’s a great multiple-casual-format card.

MJS: This is seriously exciting my Johnny side.

ML: I wish there were more than just werewolves in the art, to show the eye of “fire” in everything. An encompassing curse, if you will.

MJS: I agree. A dark army including angels, werewolves, dragons, soldiers, faeries, and what have you would have been intoxicating with those fiery eyes.

ML: Old vampire patrons, I hope, would be able to cast spells, and curses don’t normally fit the vampire aesthetic, but it’s very smooth for an Innistrad top-down design.

This is a slower Shrine of Burning Rage. In a slower Limited format, this card is unassuming. If you have a flurry of 1-drops and 3-drops, this could totally fit.

Also, vampire plus mustache equals win. Every. Single. Time.

MJS: A bit literal. Heart on a meat hook. But I’ll vote for anything with a Bennie Smith ‘stache.

ML: Agreed.

ML: Fabulous masquerade!

MJS: This is gorgeous. And a great idea for a relatively easy Innistrad Halloween costume. My one question is: How does this reference Avacyn in design? The detail is a bit feathery, which could indicate angel wings, but it could be a stylized heron visage? Or neither?

ML: I’d argue the heron connection—yeah.

ML: Yeah, he’s got a goofy face, the back legs are demon-inspired, and the gargoyle’s mouth isn’t at all functional to defray water.

This got me wondering: When gargoyles change from functional water spouts into flying creatures, does the forthcoming water damage destroy the building? When you get water in a corner, that part of the foundation is going to sink. You need to think about these things when you’re building a castle.

I like how I feel that I’m a groundskeeper, checking out a clogged drain, and the normal statue just looked at me. Fun.

MJS: His posture reminds me strongly of Beast’s in the Disney Beauty and the Beast, when Beast is on the rooftop during his fight with Gaston. Beast poses as a gargoyle for a moment, to get the jump on the hairy-chested beefcake.

I was all excited, but my husband just told me this card sucks. Oh, well, I’ll keep liking the art. And let’s add gargoyle to the list of creature types, like unicorn, for which we really need a bad-ass card—really badly. Like Goliath bad-ass. Oh, and here’s Meat Loaf does Beauty and the Beast.

ML: Top-down design win. Funeral Pyre has already been printed, but this world is superstitious; the people’s religion is failing them. They won’t quite go all Wicker Man on this, the original movie version and not the terrible Nick Cage remake, but in any culture, is human sacrifice, virginal or otherwise, that far off? When you need to eat, you’ll do anything to ensure a proper harvest. I love how flavorful removing a zombie for later usage benefits you in the short term.

I’m happy Art Director Jeremy Jarvis used a digital artist for this commission, since paintings with fire can more easily pop with digital fire.

MJS: It is really well done, flavorwise. I would have preferred to see more burning bodies in it—actually, stolen imagery from Return of the Jedi would have been tops—but it’s still cool.

ML: I want to open this rare in foil. Not only because, at the release, I could easily see winning on turn six in Sealed—a silly thing to do—but because this could be a Commander win condition by spending 8 mana.

Do you get the art reference?

Subtle nod to the Ecstacy of Saint Teresa? Swap orgasmic delight with inordinate pain, and you’d be spot-on. Vincent, if you’re reading this, hats off to you.

MJS: I’m not even going to link to where I saw this image. Let’s go with Mike’s beautiful statues.

ML: Not going to lie—it took some digging.

ML: How would another creature deal double damage to a creature I summoned with a magical weapon in his hand? That doesn’t make sense. This flail isn’t a Phylactery of Monstrous Attention with an upside. I get that it balances the card, but the flavor is forced in. Perhaps this could be wielded in your other hand, allowing you to double your damage, and I get that maybe in defense they’re unstable, and you often hit yourself with the powerful flail, but that wouldn’t be the creature doing damage. It’s a slight top-down tweak.

MJS: I’m sorry. I can’t stop laughing at the mental picture of the awkward fight, resulting in “ . . . you often hit yourself with the powerful flail.”

ML: So, it’s a dinner bell, then.

Got it.

This will so become an Easter-egg piece for the future. It’s small and iconic, allowing it to be hidden all sorts of places for future zombies. I love when these things exist, because I will see them again. I—we’ll—be rewarded in the future, fellow Spike/Vorthoses, for knowing this.

Notice the long fingernails. Ghoulcallers don’t stitch, thus allowing their personal appearance to be sloppier and crazier. A good example would be a physics professor for freshman in college compared to an astrophysicist researcher. That researcher’s hair will be crazy unkempt, if he has any, and he’ll definitely look goofier—no doubt about it.

MJS: I love this depiction. But I want to know why bells can’t be their own creature type, since juggernauts and constructs can. I want to destroy you with my tribe of bells, goddammit.

ML: Remove the wolf, look at the name, look at the background, now down to the flavor text, now bring the wolf back.

Why doesn’t he always have first strike? If he creeps up on you or beats you in initiative, wouldn’t he have a first-turn kill? (D&D without modifiers, no pluses here.) If he had haste and first strike on his first turn, would that make more sense? Maybe, but then we lose flavor text, and it’s just a wolf in the Kessig woods, which is rather blah.

I like the arched-back allusion to the werewolf. That’s a style-guide nod, if you follow that sort of thing.

MJS: I think this wolf’s forelegs look a bit short. But I’d still adopt him from the Humane Society. I would feed him little lap dogs and dachshunds. Just kidding, PETA and Mike.

MJS: All I can think of is Pimp My Ride.

ML: Nephalia sounds fun. It’s a weird circus place. I keep thinking Moulin Rouge, even with the TB.

Does it need a Ghostbuster alter over the top? No, but you know people are going to do it.

ML: They also touched on steampunk enough for cosplay folks, but too much. I like the derivative flavor without the copy-paste aesthetics that many other brands use.

MJS: These guys looks like assholes. Like people who cut in front of you while you were in line at the dance club. I would kick their asses. But yeah, back to flavor critiques—latex, sure, vamps are kinky. I definitely would have expected to see them doing more reveling, like drinking in the street, rather than just doing an Olsen twin–inspired pose, but I still like it. They look like nasty vampires. And assholes. Besides, the Olsens probably are vampires.

ML: They’re definitely vampires. You never see their teeth!

I’ve seen these cats, too. Got free passes to a museum opening, then drank tons of free wine. Ugh. I don’t mind that it happens, but why is it always them?

And if you’re that hopped-up, shouldn’t they be doing drugs or alluding to them? Magic is an all-ages game—that’s right.

We know the truth, though. These are party vampires.

ML: Moar steampunk.

MJS: So, looks like juggernauts are going to be an entire race on their own! I nominate . . . Juggernaut (who else?) for president.

MJS: This art is sick. It’s nightmarish, and I love it. But I don’t know that the text and the mechanics go together at all, and isn’t demonmail something from Diablo?

ML: This belongs in M12.

It’s also a pretty common item in Castlevania. I love me some Castlevania. The flamboyant clothing of Innistrad and Castlevania will likely have Alucard and Belmont alters everywhere.

MJS: I like this. The nightbird flies in and carries off your dudes . . . or distracts them. Or whatever. They can’t block. I want to abuse this like Bieber does the word “baby.” Odd that it’s red? Maybe.

ML: This actually refers to the original red bird: Roc.

ML: I really wish this wasn’t on the Reserved List. This card is so clean, and it would be an awesome common today.

The flavor text of this spell is fantastic and likely true. It explains some of the circular issues with Innistrad. You can’t carry silver, a stake, a holy symbol, and a sword in two hands. If there’s a five-army war, humans are in trouble.

MJS: Is that guy . . . like . . . basting the other one with lamp oil? What is going on? Why do I find this oddly titillating?

ML: It’s the hidden Icelandic bath house. Obviously. It’s beneath the Blue Lagoon.

Interesting how there are no goblins, but a flavor text mentions one. Why? Because we’re planeswalkers; we know what goblins are, but the local creatures probably don’t.

MJS: This is the kind of weird card I dream about building a technically impressive deck around. I don’t think it will ever happen. The tree is dark and looks nearly sentient with its twisty branches. The blood-colored foliage is a nice touch, though I’d say it looks more murderous than redemptive.

ML: I love this card.

This describes so much about the set.

Religion in the background and gritty reality in the foreground, with a twist on redemption. It’s familiar, yet so foreign. It’s strangely beautiful.

ML: Moar steampunk!

MJS: Cute flavor text. Intriguing steampunkish aquarium flamethrower he has. He looks like he enjoys the geistburning pastime way too much. Pretty sure he sent an OkCupid message, asking Elspeth for a date.

ML: Like Elspeth needs help getting a date. C’mon meow.

The tubes create a great sense of movement and reinforce the quiet-to-explosive mood. Great art direction here.

MJS: Interesting definition of “devil.” Now we need a card called Devil’s Advocate . . . that has Keanu Reeves on it.

ML: I thought of the Teddybears “Riot Going On” track, which is a hot jam, and then I remembered my friend Chad and his love the funk. Sly Stone, now unfortunately homeless, made a hit album called There’s a Riot Going On in the early 1970s.

I’m now sad. Poor guy.

The broken glass makes these devils look like looters, but they just lookin’ for stuff to break. I like when artists use a medium to look through to show figures. That effect is fun to see; it brings a personal aspect to artworks.

MJS: I never know what to think about spider art. What would an amazing spider piece look like? Unrelated to flavor, I’ve been spending time on this site to identify spiders I catch in my house as I try to get in touch with my green mage side—since I was told I’m not a black mage. At this very moment, I have an adult male grass spider in a jar on the desk in front of me. The other thought I had about this card: Those Stensians be lazy!

ML: MJ, you’re so odd. Portland really is a funny place.

If vampires steal the webs, do they have vampire scouts? Do you think vampires argue who gets to party and who has to do “chores?” I’d assume so.

If some vampires have to steal from spiders, is there a socioeconomic standing of vampires? Do younger vampires not given enough to eat, or are some houses of vampires better off than others? It reminds me of the Menzoberranzan houses.

MJS: What’s a temblor?

ML: A batman villain.

This is Stensia. Replace werewolves with demons and devils and you get the picture there. They have the best fire stations, but the worst silversmiths. I imagine trading is quite helpful to them, since vampires will likely steal anything of value from caravans.

ML: This art took Photoshop a bit too literally. Slow down on your filters. They’re an element to be used, but never a crutch. Never. I don’t know if Raymond plays Magic, but this card will be played constantly in Limited. Creature stealing effects will be widespread, and I hope instantly recognizable art will be met with, “Oh, it’s that great art again,” rather than, “Red card with—what’s that art again? Let me pick it up.”

The card name is great.

MJS: I simply don’t like the artistic interpretation of the card. Mike’s rambling is right-on. It should have been a snarling doxie, right in our face, about to kill its owner because of traitorous blood.

MJS: Howard Lyon is horrifying his way into being one of my new favorites. I like that she’s the color of green apples. I would have preferred the flavor text be attributed to some village poet, though, as it seems fairly florid and rhymey for farmer-speak.

ML: It does feel like Kessig, though. I feel Kessig is the closest to a Germanic set. It’s Oktoberfest. Sad that, because of Magic’s demographics, the aspects of beer and monastery life can’t be examined—but then it would be a little bit too much real life in a fantasy world. Legends already did that.

MJS: Beautiful. And makes sense. It has that hand-tongue thing coming out of its mouth that apparently allows it to reanimate guys. And gals. The lighting and the soft swamp vapor are just gorgeous. It’s my favorite kind of beast, actually—scary, but with cuteness. Just look at those lil’ tentacle arms! (No anime jokes outta you, Linnemann.)

ML: Figures MJ sees the tentacles first. Not at all surprised.

More fog, but in this case, it works and fits into green’s aesthetic. It is an element; it should never be a crutch.

I don’t understand the flavor of its exiling ability. Does it disappear into the aether, from some arcane spell, then, to balance out the cosmos, brings things back to life? Kessig is super-odd.

MJS: This picture cracks me up. That guy is so dead.

ML: Hans! He’s a Hans figure to show perspective.

Take this treefolk and compare to any Ironroot Treefolk depiction. A smiling face with eyes and obvious human tendencies aren’t there in this piece. I think that’s a step in the right direction for plant life depictions.

MJS: Not my favorite Nielsen. But a large part of it is me enjoying her style when applied to pretty things and abstract ideas, rather than narratives of “dudes doing something.” It’s still lovely; I just don’t want to blast my opponent with it.

ML: I get this piece.

It looks like German folklore. Even the flavor text sounds like German folklore.

This looks like an illuminated manuscript that would teach a lesson to misbehaving children. That is top-down design, and I see what they did there.

MJS: I enjoy this card. First of all, this guy’s bearing comes off as sexy to me. It’s the confidence. Also, something about his outfit looks samurai, or even a Mongolian. I’m not a historian, but it’s definitely a refreshing change from a lot of the really Revolutionary Era–looking outfits we see on other Innistrad dudes. It’s odd that his ability and his flavor text reference other humans, but we see only him in the art—I guess you could critique that, but I like it! I feel like I’m the vampire, and now we’re having this standoff, and I’m like, “Uh, so where are these others you speak of . . . ?” while nervously turning my head and trying to look for them in the fog. Ultimately, I feel that it all works together. The only thing I don’t like is that his flavor quote reminds me of Cameron Diaz’s line in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.

Natalie (Diaz): I have something you’ll never have.

Madison Lee (Demi Moore): What’s that? [pause]

Natalie: Friends.

[MJ groans in embarrassment for the screenwriter, slaps self across face several times, then goes to Applebee’s to drink off the dirty feeling that this film gave her.]

I hope none of you saw that movie and have no idea what I’m talking about.

ML: You go to Applebee’s. Ha, ha!

MJ’s dead on-target with this one.

ML: I love this card for my Melira Commander deck. It’ll be fantastic in Sealed as a cleanup. Speaking of that, it’s totally the scrubbing bubbles in real life. They aren’t smiling brushes; they’re actually an evil green monster. True story.

The card art has that tilt again for perspective. A straight-on shot with subtlety could’ve worked too.

MJS: This card grosses me out. I think that means it’s effective artistically. I can guarantee you that I won’t be playing this—because it’s gross. I hated Garbage Pail Kids, too.

ML: This card will easily fetch 20 life in Commander. Holy smokes.

I think the “pick bones clean” trope fits here nicely, and if you’re in a forest hiking, you’ll see just bones on the ground. It’s the only thing animals won’t eat.

MJS: Phyrexian Pig.

ML: It does look a bit altered to me.

Pigs aren’t normally carrion-eaters, right? Is that a step I have to take into consideration in Innistrad? Piggy will be exhumed under his death-rock and eaten? Touché, card art, touché.

ML: I played Dungeons and Dragons before I played Magic, and much of my perception that I grew up with has shaped my reality. Doesn’t the name basically mean Mordenkainen’s Faithful Hound? (Or candlelight vigil?) They actually cast it, too; they didn’t just say so. This feels like an enchantment in a vacuum.

How does a caravan create a mana line?

Yes, someone died, and they’re carrying him through town.

MJS: I like the art—notably the lighting. The spell itself feels odd to me.

ML: Yes, it is Garruk. Garruk, you are who the comic artists portray you to be. Sorry, man. You’re a bro. You’re one of the shot-put guys I knew in college, but you’re dependable and you get things done . . . like banishing planeswalkers. (Keep in mind: From a flavor standpoint, if you summon Jace, he doesn’t die when his loyalty counters go to zero; he just stops helping you and peaces out.)

MJS: Shot put. Big, heavy balls. Heh, heh! Looks like Garruk’s characterization is going the way of WWE, and I don’t mind. Can ya dig it? I can totally smell what Garruk is cooking. Or maybe I just smell Garruk. Duel Decks: Gideon vs. Garruk cage match.