Readers!

Back in January, I had a bit of an epiphany. I noticed a pattern among the cards on EDHREC's informal poll of "Saltiest cards" - i.e. cards that made people upset, they didn't like playing against and didn't think people should continue to put in their decks. A common theme I noticed was that cards that reduced the amount of time people get on their turns could explain basically all of the cards in the Top 100. If you blow up their lands, they get to do less on their turn. If you take extra turns, less of the game is theirs. People are more upset over Decree of Annihilation than they are cards that are actively miserable to play against like Tergrid, which still made the cut but which didn't make the Top 10 the way multiple MLD spells did.

Mana, Mana, Mana, Mana, Extra Turns, Mana, Mana, Mana, Mana, Mana, Mana, Really unfair tutor, Everything but your Mana, Mana, Mana, profoundly boring instant win card. In the Top 16, blowing up their lands or making them not untap appears 14 times. People want to play Magic: The Gathering and they don't like it when you make them not play Magic. It's pretty basic.

The article I linked at the top of this piece fleshes out that concept well, I think, and if you haven't read it or if it's been since January, it might be smart to check again just to see if you agree at all with my thesis there, because I'm doubling down on it today. Maybe my new "75% theory" resonates with you, maybe not, but I feel like the picture I showed above speaks at least half an article worth at the current exchange rate of pictures to words. People want to play Magic, they don't want to watch other people play Magic.

The thing is, even if no one ruins your day with one of the salty cards from the list, you're still not playing Magic nearly as much as you're watching Magic. It's very easy to get frustrated when it's not your turn, and even something routine like someone having to search for a card every upkeep or playing an extra land or going into the tank for a bit can get a little taxing. Worse still, while webcam Magic has made it trivial to connect with players all over the globe and assemble dream pods of content creators from all over to play for an audience, webcam Magic has led to me developing some pretty bad habits. Rather than give you some advice for problems you may or may not have, I am going to assume my experience is not universal in fact, and just tell everyone some things that have helped ME handle the most brutal 75% of all - the 75% of the game when it's not your turn - and that's if you're lucky. Here are some ways I have avoided making the fact that I want to be playing Magic into everyone else's problem.

Plan Your Next Turn

It's tedious when it's not your turn and if you can't force yourself to pay attention to what other people are doing, you know, the way Magic is played, you should at least devote some of that mental energy to planning your next turn. True, you're going to draw some cards before your main phase, and probably have fewer permanents at the start of your turn than when you ended it, but you'll have a lot of the same cards in hand, and you should have a plan. If you get annoyed when other people spend a long time in the tank, you can make everyone's lives a little better and streamline your own turn a bit. You may set a good example for the table. That said, conversing and joking with your friends is good, but distracting someone who is taking a super long turn will only make that turn take longer. You can make a few contingency plans, too - one plan if you have that Retreat to Coralhelm, one plan for if you don't, a plan for if you draw a land and a plan for if you don't, etc. There is nothing worse than your whole turn hinging on a permanent that someone blows up and then you have no idea what to do. Make a plan and repeat it to yourself a bunch so you don't execute a different, worse plan because you forgot the good one. When it's someone else's turn, no one is distracting you, making it the perfect time to tank a bit.

Play More Instant-Speed Spells

If every card is a Sorcery, it's so easy to spend all of your time thinking about your next turn, though, and zoning out. One reason I decided to play lots of Instants and Sorceries this year was that I was missing out on interacting with the board when it wasn't my turn. Instant-Speed removal spells like Swords to Plowshares are pretty boring to me and they're usually the first thing I cut, but being able to solve a problem that could end the game before you can untap and O-ring the threat can be the difference between life and death.

Besides, even when I ran fewer Instants and focused on jamming every deck with as many fun Enchantments as I could find, I still ran stuff that required me to pay attention. Rhystic Study is kind of an annoying card, but it forces you to pay attention to what is going on. Mind's Dilation, Mystic Remora, Stolen Strategy and even non-traditional 75% article cards that still make my decks like Lurking Predators and Arasta all require you to pay attention. Rather than feeling forced to pay attention during boring other people's boring turns, you're getting full value from your cards by watching all of your triggers. It's part reward and part obligation - missing those triggers impacts the board, sometimes a lot if you would snag an important spell with Mind's Dilation, and having to go back and fix that is way more annoying than it is to just watch someone else play Magic.

Give Yourself The Royal Treatment

One thing that had a huge impact on making me pay attention to what other people were doing, and run more spells that interact with the board on others' turns than I ever did before, was adding The Monarch to my decks. Spells like Skyline Despot, Regal Behemoth and Court of Grace are much more powerful if you remain the Monarch so you can trigger it on your upkeep, and strategically losing and reclaiming the seat of power will supercharge really powerful effects like on Custodi Lich. Marchesa's Decree isn't quite Cunning Rhetoric, but it makes the Monarchy happen. Even just introducing Monarch to the game and letting the other players fight over it means the game will go faster with more attacking. It's an excellent mechanic, its design was inspired and caring about it will make you care about everyone else's turn because anyone can threaten to depose you on their turn, making the game really matter. You'll really want to interact with them on their turn if they can shut off some of your more expensive effects by usurping you.

Politick

Spells aren't the only way to get people not to attack you. Have you ever considered... asking nicely? Making deals is part and parcel of Commander and part of what makes the format unique and fun. You have to kill your one opponent in 60 card Magic, killing a specific opponent on a specific turn in Commander is a choice, a choice that can be substituted for a different one. If you pay attention to the board, you can accurately assess threats and you can't if you don't. Zoning out means you might find yourself on the Assassin end of a Trophy or the Dis end of an Enchant and then where will you be? How can you offer a more tempting target if you don't know what's in play? If you can't interact with the board, subtly interacting with other players, hinting that a board state is getting out of hand, making someone else seem like the threat, suggesting which cards need to get removed next - all of these are skills you can hone unless you're checked out of the game because you're bored or doing something else. Which brings me to my last point.

Throw Your Phone

If I play Commander for 3 hours and I can reach my phone, I will reach for it. I don't really play in person anymore so it's trivial to get away with it. I am in no position to diagnose this, but I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the dopamine I get from Twitter notifications and I am lucky that all it takes is making it inconvenient to grab the phone during a game. It's worse if you're playing in person. Some groups make everyone put their phones in the center of the table, face-down at the start of the match ("make" is a strong word, but you get my drift - they socially enforce a no-phones policy) or have people use theirs as a lifepoint tracker so they don't open up an app and zone out. I know my biggest source of distraction is my phone and by literally putting it outside of my arm's reach with a gentle hurling motion, I can eliminate a significant barrier to being invested in the game. I WANT to pay attention, I do, but some people's brains don't love that sort of prolonged concentration and yearn for outside stimulus. Reducing temptation and focusing on having fun with your friends, you know, the reason we play Commander, should help eliminate the craving for that sweet, sweet internet validation. I'm not saying don't answer if your Mom calls, I'm saying don't argue with your uncle on Facebook and then have to ask whose turn it is. If you have to ask, chances are it's your turn, and you would have known that if you weren't browsing Instagram. Those pictures of smoothies and influencer buttcheeks can wait until the game's over. If casting Armageddon demonstrates a lack of respect for other people's time, don't pretend it's not just as disrespectful to zone out when they're making their plays and force them to catch you up so you can counter something they played 2 spells ago.

If you're like me and you find it easy to be distracted, especially surrounded by computer screens and stacks of cards and the paper paystub that Cat Fancy magazine sends me even though I signed up for Direct Deposit in like 2012, giving yourself reasons to pay attention during the deck-building process may help you like it did me. Respect your opponents enough to engage with their turns, have some fun and keep the beverages off the table.

That does it for me, readers. Until next time!