Readers!

I don't know about you, but I was completely whelmed when they announced Warhammer 40k products, but I have to tell you, The Tyranids are giving bored Temur players everywhere new life. Is the precon fairly linear and mostly devoted to +1/+1 counter stuff? Yes. Is Magus Lucea Kane more popular right now than the commander I chose to write about today? Also yes. If we're being honest, hasn't Temur been given some profoundly unfun commanders to play against in precons like Xyris and Kalamax? Yep. Where was I going with this? The point is, I was pretty bored when I saw how much every card in the deck paid off big with the +1/+1 counter theme that they're really jabbing us in the ribs with. The hope is that these streamlined and pushed precons in the hands of Warhammer fans new to Commander will be a nice on-ramp for them being more whales for Hasbro corporate to bleed dry because the rest of the company is struggling. I get it and I approve because my wallet could use the time off.

So why aren't I building the more popular Magus Lucea Kane? It's simple. Magus Lucea Kane (I love typing the whole thing out, let me keep doing it, it will pay off big later, I promise) doesn't have this text.

Sure, the +1/+1 counter stuff is pretty easy to lean hard into, but that line of text has me very, very intrigued. If we can put counters on our stuff, and I know we can because every card in that deck does that, just about, we can play cards that make our creatures die and draw a ton of cards, making sure we get exactly what we need. We're going to build Aristocrats but instead of dealing damage when our creatures die like in an Aristocrats deck, we're going to create card advantage when that happens. Calling it Aristocrats doesn't feel right. Since (apparently) Tyranids (Tyranid? Tyranii?) are insects and have a hard exoskeleton and the deck has Blue, I thought "what has an exoskeleton and lives in the water and isn't all of the things you're naming right now to make me look stupid, you know I want you to say 'crabs' just say 'crabs.'" Yes, correct. Crabs have a hard exoskeleton and live in the water. We're calling the deck Aristocrabs.

Aristocrabs works by making as many tokens as it can and sacrificing our expendable troops for myriad uses including Bombardments of the Goblin Variety, Goods of the Greater persuasion and Altars both Ashnod's and Phyrexian. In summary, we have a lot of great sac outlets, including a few I don't see get much play in my pods like Shivan Harvest and Perilous Forays. "But Jason," I'm pretending to hear you say "what about my very reasonable apprehension about this deck stemming from the fact that I haven't heard you talk about +1/+1 counters yet. Will there be +1/+1 counters?" Oh yeah. There are going to be +1/+1 counters on your creatures. You're going to have so many +1/+1 counters on your cards that you're going to sue me to pay for carpal tunnel surgery because you hurt yourself trying to tap one of them. In fact, I love +1/+1 counter decks in these colors because I get to play 2 cards I really love - Simic Manipulator and Cytoplast Manipulator. The more counters on them, the better they get. Stealing their creatures isn't a huge part of our strategy, but considering we're going to be throwing a lot of fodder into a lot of different cannons, why not launch a few ragdolling corpses of their former retainers over their parapets? We're going to do some threatening, that's for sure - only this time, we're going to make good on our threatens.

What does this deck basically tailor made for me going to look like? It's going to look like fun, that's what. Observe.

Aristocrabs | Commander | Jason Alt

• Commander (1)
• 1 The Swarmlord

• Creatures (29)
• 1 Aberrant
• 1 Apocalypse Hydra
• 1 Avenger of Zendikar
• 1 Beast Whisperer
• 1 Biophagus
• 1 Broodlord
• 1 Captivating Crew
• 1 Cytoplast Manipulator
• 1 Dominus of Fealty
• 1 Firbolg Flutist
• 1 Forgotten Ancient
• 1 Gyre Sage
• 1 Herald of Secret Streams
• 1 Hornet Queen
• 1 Hydroid Krasis
• 1 Kalonian Hydra
• 1 Kodama of the West Tree
• 1 Managorger Hydra
• 1 Master Biomancer
• 1 Mycoloth
• 1 Overtaker
• 1 Scute Swarm
• 1 Simic Manipulator
• 1 Spike Weaver
• 1 Tervigon
• 1 Trygon Prime
• 1 Tyranid Prime
• 1 Tyrant Guard
• 1 Yasova Dragonclaw

• Instants (7)
• 1 Crop Rotation
• 1 Give // Take
• 1 Heroic Intervention
• 1 Inspiring Call
• 1 Repudiate // Replicate
• 1 Slip Out the Back
• 1 Solidarity of Heroes

• Sorceries (7)
• 1 Beacon of Creation
• 1 Cultivate
• 1 Farseek
• 1 Insurrection
• 1 Kodama's Reach
• 1 Rampant Growth
• 1 Seize the Spotlight

• Enchantments (14)
• 1 Branching Evolution
• 1 Chamber of Manipulation
• 1 Doubling Season
• 1 Food Chain
• 1 Garruk's Uprising
• 1 Goblin Bombardment
• 1 Greater Good
• 1 Hardened Scales
• 1 Path of Discovery
• 1 Perilous Forays
• 1 Retreat to Kazandu
• 1 Rhythm of the Wild
• 1 Simic Ascendancy
• 1 The First Tyrannic War

• Artifacts (7)
• 1 Arcane Signet
• 1 Ashnod's Altar
• 1 Bone Sabres
• 1 Helm of Possession
• 1 Phyrexian Altar
• 1 Sol Ring
• 1 The Ozolith

• Lands (35)
• 3 Island
• 3 Mountain
• 9 Forest
• 1 Breeding Pool
• 1 Cinder Glade
• 1 Command Tower
• 1 Dreamroot Cascade
• 1 Evolving Wilds
• 1 Exotic Orchard
• 1 Frontier Bivouac
• 1 Hinterland Harbor
• 1 Karn's Bastion
• 1 Ketria Triome
• 1 Littjara Mirrorlake
• 1 Llanowar Reborn
• 1 Nesting Grounds
• 1 Opal Palace
• 1 Oran-Rief, the Vastwood
• 1 Rogue's Passage
• 1 Rootbound Crag
• 1 Simic Growth Chamber
• 1 Steam Vents
• 1 Stomping Ground

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This looks like lots of fun to me, I don't know about you. This deck has a lot going on, so let's get into it.

For this deck I steered away from creatures that were good at amassing +1/+1 counters. Instead, I looked to utility creatures that could put counters on other creatures or steal theirs. Oran-Rief, the Vastwood and Master Biomancer can make your army battle-ready right out of the gate, which is good if you create a whole host of them with something like Mycoloth or Avenger of Zendikar. Having all of those creatures come into play not only buff, but benefitting from having +/1+1 counters and being eligible for summary sacrifice to feed your need to draw cards. Their sacrifice was not in vain, because this deck has The Ozolith and you might get a big kick out of Branching Evolution and Hardened Scales in this deck.

The Aristocrats elements sort of speak for themselves - we don't really have a way to hurt everyone like with Grave Pact or Blood Artist so instead we draw cards, gets mana and can ping people to death with Goblin Bombardment. Mostly, though, we're going to get advantage by taking control of their best creature and not giving it back. A lot of our reusable effects say "until end of turn" but hopefully you've fitted it with some counters, punched your blockerless enemy with it and billed them for the cost of the funeral rather than give it back. Food Chain happens to be stellar with our commander in this deck, and it's great for making sure those extra cards you draw see play. With this many sac outlets, Insurrection wins you the game on the spot or makes everyone scoop - either way it will end a game that has gone on too long because no one can attack and those are the best games to end.

What do you think? Too cute? Did you have to look up what Overtaker did? Am I the only content creator putting Chamber of Manipulation in multiple decks over the years? Let me know in the comment section and don't forget to share this on social media so your friends will think you're hip and well read. Until next time!