Outlaws of Thunder Junction, possibly the most rootin' and tootin' Magic: The Gathering set ever released, brought us a ton of goodies based around criminal activity and being an outlaw. As a bona fide queer myself, being gay and doing crimes is easily a top five hobby for me, so you know I've got an eye for fellow outlaws. With that in mind, today we're covering the top five outlaws in the Commander format. Before we get into those five though, let's talk about how I chose them.

The Criteria

Do you know how many outlaws are legal in Commander? I do. It's over 1,000, and about half of them are rogues. How do I know that? Because I checked every single one of them. A lot of them are just draft chaff that happen to be Commander-legal, but quite a few others are powerful, so how do I narrow down that list to just five? First, by just getting rid of what's mediocre. I whittled that one thousand down to about 77.

Next, I came up with a few rules. Sure, rules are pretty much the one thing outlaws hate, but without them I'd have finished this list in about fifteen seconds. First, no duplicate creature types. Second, no shapeshifters. These rules cut down my list down to 32, but that wasn't enough.

The final rule is that these outlaws have to feel like outlaws. Schema Thief is guilty of plagiarism, but I don't know if James Somerton would ever make the FBI's Most Wanted list. We're looking for the baddest of the bad, and Errant, Street Artist isn't making the list just because she seems to be New Capenna's Banksy. This rule cut us down to just 16 cards, and from there I selected the best of them. Without any further ado, I'm excited to present...

The Top Five Outlaws In Commander

#5 - Lotho, Corrupt Shirriff

If you've never seen Lotho on the other side of the battlefield, it might be easy to underestimate just how powerful this ability is on a two-mana creature. As a bonus, Lotho represents two of the most nefarious types of criminals around: Tax collectors and dirty cops.

Lotho was the lone halfling out of the cards I had first selected, so he didn't manage to knock any other contenders out of the top five. Sorry Bilbo, Retired Burglar, but you didn't make the first round of cuts.

#4 - Smirking Spelljacker

I'm a firm believer that some players just need a good humbling, and Smirking Spelljacker does that quite well. Counterspell is always an annoying card, but getting your spell stolen is even worse. To add insult to injury, make sure you attack the player whose spell you stole. There's very little that's more flavorful than Commandeer on a stick.

The only other djinn outlaw in Magic is Emberwilde Captain. As the only two djinn outlaws, I'd say they're doing a great job of representing their types. I had to make a tough choice between this fairly new card and Malcolm, Keen-Eyed Navigator for this slot, but eventually I had to admit that partner is most of what Malcolm brings to the table, and that's just not enough.

#3 - Thieving Skydiver

You're all but guaranteed to steal a cheap mana rock in most of the games that you see Thieving Skydiver, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I've nabbed Sol Ring more times than I can count, and you haven't lived until you've stolen a Skullclamp and immediately cashed it in for two cards while depriving an opponent of their draw engine.

Thieving Skydiver booted out the likes of Thada Adel, Acquisitor, True-Name Nemesis, and Sygg, River Cutthroat by virtue of being a merfolk rogue. While Thada Adel also steals artifacts from your opponents, I find that stealing things they've already spent mana and/or a card on is much more flavorful. Seriously, this is a very underplayed card.

#2 - Opposition Agent

You shouldn't be shocked to see Opposition Agent this high up. This arguable staple of the format is usually only as oppressive as the table is powerful, and the flavor of literally stealing the cards your opponents are searching for puts this above and beyond most other outlaws.

The top two slots were quite contested, and human rogue makes up nearly one-fifth of the over 1,000 outlaws, so this type combination was quite contested. Of note, Opposition Agent disqualified Notion Thief, Tetsuko Umezawa, Fugitive, and Zulaport Cutthroat.

#1 - Dockside Extortionist

I tried my best to find a reason why this shouldn't be at the top of the list. I considered excluding goblins, which were overrepresented in my original 77 picks. I considered picking Broadside Bombardiers instead to subvert expectations. At the end of the day, though, any other card taking the top spot would have been a lie.

Dockside does exactly what the name implies, really making your opponents pay the price for all their cool build-arounds, mana-rocks, and stax pieces, whether they want to or not. This pirate even starts his crime spree before you start the game, currently robbing you of at least $72 real world USD for the luxury of owning just one copy. I guess you could say he extorted his way to the top, and that makes him one heck of an outlaw.

That's All, Folks

I had to exclude quite a few cards from this list, including Ragavan, Nimble Pilferer, Prosper, Tome-Bound, Massacre Girl, Faerie Mastermind, and many other very popular cards to cut down to just five, so I hope you aren't too upset with my choices. I've been Luka Sharaska, and these were the top five outlaws in Commander.