Elven face with an Oakland booty!

Evan Erwin made one of the best art-related callouts of the year during his Complete New Phyrexia Set Review – Green with Brad Nelson when he referred to Glissa’s Scorn as “Glissa’s Fart.” As much as I love everything Glissa, I had to concur with Erwin’s assessment that the artist, Nils Hamm, chose a very gluteally motivated P.O.V. and that it was a little on the overkill side.

So how much butt is too much in Magic art? It’s great to appreciate the curvy parts of the body, but when the focus becomes exclusively that part of the art and detracts from appreciation of the illustration as a whole, that’s when we’ve crossed the line. Context matters. Checking out gossip mag pics of Kim Kardashian, we expect the world to revolve, in very unbalanced fashion, around some serious derriere.

With card art, all elements should work together to tell the story of the card and its function. Sure, you could make the argument that Glissa was so scornful of her enemies that she passed gas in their general direction, at which point they disintegrated. I kind of like that interpretation myself, but what really happened here is that in the effort to make a sexy and striking piece of art, the artist became overzealous with Glissa’s posterior. Hamm’s other Magic contributions are amazingly funky creatures characterized by delectable whimsy. Perfect examples are Cairn Wanderer and Chancellor of the Spires. So perhaps Hamm was simply intoxicated with finally getting to render an MTG Bad Girl. I would be.

The accidentally humorous scene could have been avoided in at least a couple ways. First, the action could be turned so that Glissa was more in the foreground and the focus would have been on her facial expression and crazy arm-sword thing with the exploding artifact slightly behind her left shoulder, framing her. Second, a less revealing style could have been chosen for the bottom of her outfit.

Izzy’s Glissa models a more formal, skirted look.

What’s up with the enduring usage of wince-worthy metal thongs anyway? They’re like the Ugg boots of sci-fi and fantasy; they just will not die out. Okay, in Glissa’s case a metal thong might pass the sniff test (heh) since she’s compleated and probably can’t feel anything anyway. But imagine any other guy or girl in one of these contraptions. Riding a horse? Torturous. Walking? Painful. Sitting? Probably not. Here’s a recent offender:

I smite thee—with my thong tha-thong thong thong.

While I’m usually a proponent of the Less Is More theory in fantasy art (as in, the less clothing, the better) that theory works best when (1) it’s tempered by some practical knowledge of women’s clothing and (2) the theory is not applied when contradictory to the personality and profile of the character being dressed.

Archangel of Strife isn’t an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot-bikini type of babe. She’s warlike in demeanor and warhorse-like in build. She’s an Archangel. She’s a veteran of combat and she’s armed as though she’s going to fight hand-to-hand and get dirty. Why the kitten-heel boots and the tiny silver perma-wedgie? These elements are at odds with her spikey gauntlets, huge shield, and heavy plating around her hips.

Suri Cruise, daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, wearing kitten heels. Archangel, yes, but not of Strife.

Perhaps the discomfort of the metallic butt-floss increases Archangel of Strife’s battle rage, therefore making her more formidable. C’mon guys. Like card mechanics, fashion has function. The elements of an outfit are also rich with flavor. Using imagination in creating womenswear doesn’t mean one should throw basics such as wearability and good design out the window. The metal thong is one overused type of garb I’d like to see go out of fashion in fantasy art. Permanently. It makes no sense on any level and is rarely flattering. Sometimes, the Reverse Less Is More theory (as in, the less skin showing, the better) is much sexier and more appropriate to the character. A good example:

Ach! Hans, I cannot miss my Stairmaster workout!

Saffi’s art is from a low angle like Glissa’s Scorn, but Saffi is wearing conservative breeches that cover everything yet are still sexy due to their clinginess and soft suede texture. The effect is sensual and balanced, as opposed to distracting.

The personalities of women in fantasy art are generally so strong that fairly gratuitous T&A has never bothered me. However, it’s critical to pay attention to positioning, personality, and apparel to keep things sexy, fun, and appropriately inappropriate as opposed to just awkward, impossible, and imbalanced.

Junk in the trunk is a good thing. But, like any asset—must be handled with care. Stoneforge and Jace? Old news. The really important issue: ban metal thongs.

Yours,

MJ

@moxymtg on Twitter

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