Locations
Introduction? Who needs an introduction when we have lists to get to? Buzzfeed gets away with a short (nonsensical) paragraph to introduce its lists, and they receive roughly a million hits every second, give or take. People don’t want paragraphs . . . they want lists punctuated by numbers!
Give the people what they want! Here’s every list you could possibly want about Magic 2014. Every. Single. List.
Top 5 Creatures
I really want to combine Shadowborn Demon and Dark Prophecy, possibly with some Xathrid Necromancer thrown in for good measure. Necromancer is probably the card I’m most excited for, but Shadowborn Demon could be the one we can’t believe we missed a few months from now.
I’m not totally sold on Chandra's Phoenix, but I know it’ll be a pain in my life total for the next year or so. Scavenging Ooze is fairly obvious, and based on the beating it gave me at the prerelease, Imposing Sovereign is the real deal.
Then again . . .
Top 5 Doom Blades
. . . how good can they be when you can just Doom Blade them?
Top 5 Underrated Cards
This was easily my longest initial list, with Opportunity, Bramblecrush, Brave the Elements, Celestial Flare, and Dark Prophecy all just missing the cut.
Zephyr Charge is purely for Limited applications, Quicken might actually be pretty good for the few months it shares with Snapcaster Mage, Liliana's Reaver is actually pretty scary, Imposing Sovereign is the truth, and Essence Scatter will soon get to play in a world that doesn’t know Cavern of Souls.
Top 5 Overrated Cards
Mutavault makes the overrated list because, unless there are tribal synergies in Theros, it’s actually a pretty bad man land. Still, a man land is a man land, and it obviously has places to go in Eternal formats.
I want to say something clever about Chandra, but it’s just not exciting. I had one at the prerelease, and it was totally fine but never amazing. The free card-draw is pretty good, though, so there’s a chance.
Ratchet Bomb is a solid card, but with no Sun Titan to recur it and the tokens of Innistrad leaving, I feel that the Bomb might be a dud.
Young Pyromancer looks good, but what the heck are you going to do with it? Cantrips aren’t all that good or cheap right now, and what are we even doing with the 1/1 tokens? There’s that weird Burn at the Stake combo deck, but that’s bending over backward and forward at the same time to make this thing happen. I could be wrong, but I imagine people shelling out $10 for foil copies will be disappointed unless Phyrexia has invaded Theros and brought some of its mana with it.
Now, if only we had cheap card-draw. Like, say, Impulse. Or, basically the opposite of these . . .
Top 5 They-Couldn’t-Shave-a-Mana-off-This? Cards
Opportunity—just because I’m greedy.
I’m still waiting for them to reprint Impulse, an awesome card that wouldn’t even come close to breaking anything. Granted, waiting for Snapcaster Mage to rotate is sensible, but Glimpse the Future is just insulting.
Speaking of Snapcaster Mage . . .
Top 5 Snapcaster Mage Replacements
- Archaeomancer
- NOTHING BECAUSE NO ONE CAN REPLACE YOU IN MY HEART, TAIGO.
Top 5 Mono-Black-Is-Back! (Except It’s Not) Cards
Stop trying to make “fetch” happen. It’s not going to happen.
Top 5 What-Year-Is-This? Cards
Because the answer is apparently 1995.
Top 5 Color Hosers
Witchstalker loses points because:
- I hate Hexproof.
- I hate Hexproof.
- The second part might as well be blank for how the card will actually be played.
The only ones I actually like are Lifebane Zombie and Mindsparker. Mindsparker is pretty much perfect actually. I anticipate taking a lot of damage from it in the coming year.
Number of Times I Will First-Pick Elite Arcanist Thinking, “This Might Be Sweet.”
5
Number of Times I Will Actually End Up with Elite Arcanist in My Deck
0
Top 5 M14 cards to Exile with Elite Arcanist
Again because I’m greedy.
Top 5 Noncreature Permanents
What can I say? I’m all-in on Dark Prophecy.
Top 5 Limited Commons for Each Color
Red
Red is actually fairly thin at common. I’m not really a fan, even if Academy Raider is the set’s only looter.
Blue
Nothing special to see here. Blue is what blue is.
Green
Green seems to be the deepest color. Draft accordingly.
Gross. Black may be the worst color in the set.
White
White might be up there with green for the best color in the format. How do you ever beat a Dawnstrike Paladin?
Top 5 Commander Cards
- Archangel of Thune
- Ring of Three Wishes
- Dismiss into Dream
- Garruk, Caller of Beasts
- Rise of the Dark Realms
Garruk is going to make a lot of Momir Vig, Simic Visionary and Animar, Soul of Elements players very happy. Dismiss into Dream is incredibly underrated, Rise of the Dark Realms is obviously busted, and Archangel of Thune is every casual player’s wet dream.
Top 5 Theros Clues
I have a friend who seems to think that Grim Return portents the, um, return of evoke. I love me some Shriekmaw and Mulldrifter, but that seems a bit farfetched to me. Still, the possibility is so pleasing I’d definitely stay open to it.
Creatures with Defender
- M10: 4
- M11: 4
- M12: 3
- M13: 3 ? (Primal Clay is the ?rd)
- M14: 5
This set just seemed to have a lot of Walls while playing, though it turns out that number is only slightly high.
But it was the quality that caught my attention. Wall of Frost and Wall of Swords are as good as Walls get without enters-the-battlefield triggers (e.g. Wall of Omens and Wall of Blossoms). Guardian of the Ages seems as though it could be a nod toward Theros as well. This could be off, but it felt like something is there.
As for Messenger Drake, I have some exciting news for anyone looking for Theros previews. You’ve heard it here first exclusively from one Blake Rasmussen: There will be a 3/3 blue flyer with an extra ability for 5 mana in Theros block!
(Because I feel I need to add this: I have no actual knowledge of Theros block. This is a joke. Because basically every Limited format since they printed Limited powerhouse Vigilant Drake has had some kind of 3/3 blue flyer for 5 mana. Repeat: Crow of Ramos, a 3/3 flyer for 
that lets you Impulse when it dies will almost certainly not be in Theros block. Definitely maybe not for sure.)
(Seriously. I don’t know anything.)
The enchantments theme feels a bit more like a seeding, but it could just be a subtheme of M14. It just doesn’t quite feel that way.
Top 5 9 Standard Cards
- Banisher Priest
- Elvish Mystic
- Dark Prophecy
- Jace, Memory Adept
- Garruk, Caller of Beasts
- Burning Earth
- Archangel of Thune
- Mutavault
- Scavenging Ooze
There’s too much to talk about to keep this list to just five. Arbitrarily, we’ll go with nine, or the exact number of cards I want to talk about.
How does Mutavault end up on the overrated list and the best-of list? It’s just that highly thought of. During its first trip through Standard, it was basically a four-of in every deck. But that was also during a time of two-colored decks and tribal synergies. Mutavault was basically perfect for that format. Right now, we’re in the middle of multicolored madness with fewer reasons to be tribal. Humans is still a thing, as are Zombies and Spirits (sort of), but Mutavault doesn’t cast Geralf's Messenger, and Drogskol Captain hasn’t been a thing since Hawaii. With Innistrad rotating, we lose tribal synergies, but “gain” less mana fixing. There could be a cycle of duals in Theros as well, so we’ll have to wait to see if the world starts looking at Magic through two-colored lenses.
Jace, Memory Adept is going to keep popping up to combat control mirrors. Get used to it.
Both Garruk and Burning Earth are sort of floating spots and could move up or down depending on Theros. If fixing is minimal (remember that we’re losing both the core set duals and the Innistrad duals), we could end up in a basic-heavy format, making Burning Earth less attractive. Garruk just depends on how far we can push our decks to make it to 6 mana, to play a ton of creatures, and to want big creatures. Right now, Elvish Archdruid and Craterhoof Behemoth take care of all three of those. Once those rotate, who knows?
Archangel of Thune might as well be Baneslayer Angel as far as my pocketbook is concerned. As far as Standard is concerned, it’s not nearly as good. But it will see play, and it will make games unwinnable for some players. This is a pretty good example of how white decks will beat Burning Earth decks for the next year or so.
Scavenging Ooze will be very, very good. Enough has been written about it. Just read the card. Anything that sees Legacy play for an extended period of time, even if it has fallen out of favor lately, will absolutely make an impact on Standard, although it’s very weird that those two things happened in that order.
Finally, Dark Prophecy is my dark-horse pick of the set. That card just wants to be busted. I’ll certainly be trying in the coming weeks.
Top 5 Slivers
I heard M14 had Slivers in it. As soon as I see some, I’ll let you know.
