June 18 was the two hundredth anniversary of the United States declaring war on Britain. Given that Henry Clay is my favorite character in U.S. history (the second is probably Charles Evans Hughes), the War of 1812 is fascinating to me on several levels, not just for Clay’s hawkish involvement—involvement atypical to the rest of his career as a mollifier—but for its relative anonymity and quirkiness. To fill you in:

• The U.S. was tired of British bullying, particularly forcing American sailors into British service.
• Many in the U.S. wanted to take Canada, and picking a fight with Britain was as good a time as any to try. This was the last true fight to get it, although Manifest Destiny rhetoric would continue for another thirty years.
• The primary anti-war faction wasn’t progressives or pacifists, but conservative businessmen who would lose their lively trade with Britain in a war.
• The White House burned down as a casualty of war.
• The 1814 Treaty of Ghent that ended the war restored status quo ante bellum, though John Quincy Adams fought hard for fishery rights on the Northeast coast in that treaty. Seriously, he was all about the fishermen. (For more on this subject, consult Israel Thorndike’s 1824 pamphlet The Treaty of Ghent, and the Fisheries; or the Diplomatic Talents of John Quincy Adams, Candidly Examined. Given its publication date, it was probably printed to attack Adams’s presidential campaign.)
• The most famous battle of the war, the Battle of New Orleans, was fought kinda-sorta after the war had ended, in between the U.S. signing and ratifying the treaty. This is the battle that made Andrew Jackson famous.

History books are not kind to wars without winners; I suppose there are more significant wars to remember than the War of 1812. But it’s among the most fascinating slices of American development in between the Revolution and the Civil War.

That’s enough history to build several decks from. If you, for whatever reason, want to commemorate the War of 1812 in your playgroup, try these decks on for size.

Fifty-Four Forty or Fight!

As it turns out, this final version of the deck doesn’t have the fight keyword action in it at all. It does have a combo I use relatively often, though: Cyclops Gladiator and Magebane Armor. (These cards supported my Fire Ants/Silklash Spider deck from May 15.) The Gladiator doesn’t technically fight, but it basically does the same thing. With Magebane Armor, it’s a 6/8 that doesn’t take any damage back from its attacky-fighty trigger. That sounds awesome to me.

Searching for “creature”, “deals”, and “damage” in Gatherer turned up a card I’ve never used: Rupture. As an Earthquake variant that scales not by your mana but based on the power of a creature you sacrifice, it’s not as inherently powerful, but it’s still plenty useful, primarily because it always costs . You can wipe the bulk of the board and easily have mana left over to cast something; that’s a concept I can get behind.

"Manifest Damage"

• Creatures (25)
• 2 Kitchen Finks
• 3 Cyclops Gladiator
• 3 Hoarding Dragon
• 3 Hound of Griselbrand
• 3 Howlgeist
• 3 Wandering Wolf
• 4 Keldon Marauders
• 4 Thragtusk

• Spells (11)
• 4 Rupture
• 3 Magebane Armor
• 4 Bonehoard

• Lands (24)
• 15 Mountain
• 9 Forest

Buy This Deck

That’s a lot of creatures for a deck that wants to sweep the board with Rupture, but they’re generally creatures that come back or leave something behind. What you want most in this deck is for Rupture to leave you with a creature and some Equipment to give you immediate dominance on the board.

Wandering Wolf is a cheap source of damage and an early creature to sacrifice should the need arise; later, with Equipment, it can be virtually unblockable. Keldon Marauders offers plenty of power for its cost—something every Rupture desires—and it wants to be sacrificed. Turn-two Marauders and turn-three swinging with Marauders and sacrificing it to Rupture can leave one opponent at 12, everybody else at 17, and the board empty.

Thragtusk (from the forthcoming Magic 2013) has everything this deck wants—high power, life-gain, and a body when it dies. Howlgeist leaves a better version of itself behind, and with Equipment, it should be mostly unblockable. Hoarding Dragon gives you some flying defense (Rupture doesn’t hit flyers), tutors for Equipment, and doesn’t mind being sacrificed.

The major downside of this deck is that its creatures aren’t great at homing in on one opponent. It’s capable of tons of damage, but it might not all be in a single direction. Still, spread guns are neat, or at least they were in Contra.

I Ghent Seem to Do Anything

(FYI, if a draw occurs in a multiplayer game with limited range of influence, all players in range leave the game. For a six-player Emperor game, this probably is a bad thing, but other variants might make use of that fact.)

As with the War of 1812, I’m aiming for a Celestial Convergence deck that wants to win but will accept the draw if that’s the only option. I used to own a single Celestial Convergence, and I won with it a single time, so I’m working off some of that deck’s principles to make this one—that and Chisei. Maybe Chisei inherited the title Heart of Oceans from John Quincy Adams. (Fish!)

"Celestial Convergence"

• Creatures (16)
• 4 Keeper of the Light
• 4 Lost Auramancers
• 4 Woolly Razorback
• 4 Chisei, Heart of Oceans

• Spells (20)
• 4 Hindering Light
• 4 Pulse of the Fields
• 2 Divine Intervention
• 4 Celestial Convergence
• 2 Golden Urn
• 4 Sun Droplet

• Lands (24)
• 12 Plains
• 4 Island
• 4 Kabira Crossroads
• 4 Sejiri Refuge

Buy This Deck

This deck’s only goal is to keep its life total above everybody else’s so it can win with Celestial Convergence. If that looks impossible, it can go for the draw with Divine Intervention (if you’re the player who ended the game, a draw is sort of a win, I guess). Getting to the victory is built on a few ideas:

• Life-gain – Keeper of the Light, Pulse of the Fields, Sun Droplet, and Golden Urn are excellent role players—particularly Keeper and Pulse—for making sure you stay above opponents and for discouraging anyone from lowering your life total (since you’ll just put it back up anyway).

• Counters – Chisei, Heart of Oceans is the way to remove counters faster from Celestial Convergence and Divine Intervention—with Chisei, Intervention needs to stay in play for one upkeep to go off—but the deck is set up to cast Chisei on curve. Golden Urn and Sun Droplet serve the life-gain purpose well enough, but they also feed counters to Chisei without too much difference to you. Woolly Razorback and Lost Auramancers want their counters removed, as Razorback is a cheap rattlesnake, and Auramancers is your enchantment tutor. With twenty cards in the deck offering counters, Chisei should stay out for a while.
• Hurting no one – In multiplayer, there are several ways to deter an attack. Playing the best defense is one way, and this deck attempts to do some of that, but not angering anyone can work to your advantage. This deck simply lacks the firepower to kill someone. Sure, it might swing with Chisei and Woolly Razorback if need be, but as weapons, they’re more finicky Air Elementals and Vorstclaws, and neither’s going to take over a game. Here, you’re not even gaining life via Recumbent Bliss or Faith's Fetters, standard defensive measures that normally would suit this deck. Instead, you’re Switzerland as the battle rages on, using Hindering Light if anyone bothers you, but otherwise keeping to yourself. Everybody else will be a bigger threat than you by definition, so conserve your resources, incentivize your opponents to use resources on each other, then sit back, grab an enchantment, and enjoy.

In a sense, this is the griefer deck that doesn’t grief actively. After a long night, sometimes it’s nice to play a deck without needing to track every permanent and constantly assess everybody’s threat levels. If you don’t have a relaxing deck, maybe this is the one for you.

Conclusion

In case you ever wondered how the War of 1812 applies to Magic, this article has been for you. In case you didn’t, you might not be reading this conclusion, so we’re good. Regardless, as a Melvin, it’s fun to bring in Vorthos elements from outside Magic. Try it for yourself, and see what you come up with.