Locations
Too bad this wasn’t Umbrella of Fire, so Rihanna could be
in the art and Squad Hawks would finally drop dead.
The heat has finally reached us here in the notoriously gray and drizzly northwest area of the Northwest. Portland, Orygun is roasty-toasty and all the fly girls have emerged with their booty shorts and flip-flops, while family types hail down the ice cream truck and youth in baggy shorts sweat highly concentrated hormone onto the b-ball courts. All the dogs are off-leash, the homeless sleep spread-eagled under the stars, and senior citizens in the Alzheimer’s care facility next to my house smile as they make their way with fragile steps from color-coded apartments to the cool interior of the communal church.
All these seemingly irrelevant things steeped in the elevated temperature create a cocktail of heady Vorthoseurism in my troubled mind. A sexy turn of leg? Gladecover Scout. Scoops of ice cream? Roc Egg. Hormone? Chandra. Pitbulls at garage sales: Are they part of Garruk’s Horde? Are they coercing me into buying this four-slot toaster? I feel faint, and see Zedruu (wearing sweatpants pulled up past her waist, a tennis visor and a sweater embroidered with cats) tending a scrawny azalea bush. So damn warm. This feels like a Lava Axe to the forehead, and I’m just walking to 7-11 to get a Slurpee. How would Jhoira handle this?
A masterpiece of artificery if ever there was one.
Seeing life through a lens of Magic and seeing Magic through a lens of life just makes things spicier. With emotion-driven, visceral pursuits like art, we’re playing in the Blind Eternities of subjectivity, and there are truly no right or wrong answers. There is only the pleasure of discussion and discovery.
Come along and ride on a Collective Voyage / Slide, slide, slippity slide – Coolio
Overheated? Thirsty? Today’s pleasure is relishing and (casually) analyzing the most stimulating art that we’ve been fortunate enough to lay eyes on this summer. Time to taste the rainbow, sip your Kool-Aid, and appreciate the appreciation—down?
I need another way to say damn girl, you fine.
Damia is blowing my mind. Yes, it doesn’t translate ideally to card art because of the level of detail and the zoom-out that the scene demands, but what luck! We can just go to Steve Argyle’s page, and feast our eyes on full-sized Miss Sage of Stone there. Huge fan of Argyle here, and this is one of my favorites. Damia’s cheekily cocked shoulder, her impish grin, the ominous and mischievous glow in her eyes, plus the trademark “sick Argyle hair!” make Damia a standout personality. Apparently Argyle researched vessel-lore and the epic history of jars and bottles for this piece, and he says he’s hidden various references—including D&D and Star Wars—within. I’m not bright enough to find ’em, but I’m sure my readers are! Please, share your findings. Moving
A lil’ more steak would do you good, Lili.
Argyle strikes again. But this time, I’m underwhelmed. I almost feel like he felt he had big acts to follow and ended up in the “tried too hard not to misstep” trap. Or maybe it was the art direction. I’ll never know, but I do know that Liliana’s personality is a bit subdued here for my taste. From a distance, the colors and composition are going to be striking, so as card art I’d say it’s technically successful, at a high level. But swooping in, in terms of enlightening us about Liliana’s character, and further establishing her aesthetic profile, I wish this piece did more. Lili looks coy, nubile, and naughty, sure, but does she look like she’s seen death and come back? Does she look like she’s taken lives—many, many times over? Do we see the depth of emotion that her history demands? Nah. And I sorely wish we did see it. But what do you think?
[poll id="66"]
Dude, walk like an
One Lady of MtG described Alabaster Mage thusly: “Everything about this card makes me laugh.” I have to agree. I clearly watch too many kids’ videos because I can see that obviously he’s moving like an Emu moves. And Brian David-Marshall asserted that Azure Mage looks like Snooki. Ouch. The nipple suction on her top—double ouch. Izzy is usually a money man in my opinion, so not sure what happened here, but it’s uncomfortable for all involved.
Jerseylicious?
I believe I can fly / I believe I can touch the sky – R. Kelly
While some might say Angelic Destiny doesn’t pass the Final Fantasy test (as in, it looks like Final Fantasy art, therefore can’t be transcendent), others love it. I fall into the latter category, because when I look at this card, I really truly feel uplifted. The colors, the angles, the strength of the central figure—all combine to articulate a hopefulness and physical buoyance that I enjoy. But opinions invariably vary, so what say you, Vorthoses?
[poll id="67"]
Makes going insane look even more attractive for artists and art lovers everywhere.
I couldn’t decide if I really liked or seriously hated this art at first. It’s creepy as hell, and makes me feel squirmy just looking at it. Then I realized that’s entirely the point. Icky-cool concept, technically stunning and aesthetically pleasing execution, loyal to flavor requirements. Success.
Bald is beautiful.
I found this depiction of hard-to-pin-down but ultimately honorable Teferi to be understated and sexy. But one could also make the argument that it’s a bit dull. His original version was a lot more assertive.
Speak softly, and carry a big stick. And a bigger staff.
[poll id="68"]
Tattoo candidate.
Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Terese Nielsen hit it out of the park with this one. It’s got all the weight of a cathedral’s stained-glass window coupled with all the feral energy of that adorable malamute-wolf hybrid that jumped your six-foot-tall fence and raided the Burger King dumpsters—gleefully—for an entire week before you and ten neighbors managed to corral him. Lovely. Pulls at your imagination, and captures the intent of the card and the effect of the spell perfectly.
I’ve got a few awards to give out before we get to the real fun—more polls on controversial artwork!
Most Underrated Art of Summer 2011
In case you hadn’t noticed, this is the standout Good Girl of the season. I want to know everything about her—who she is, where she came from, her motives for becoming a squire, how she keeps those delicate hands so
Biggest Missed Opportunity for Brilliance
Then he gives us this guy! What is happening here? He has violet indigestion? He’s emanating purple jalapeño-flavored gas? Supposedly those are ethereal purple knives, but I think he’s working out choreography for Gaga.
“Best” Body
Kaalia is sexy without being overtly so and I like that her build is realistic in terms of proportion, slenderness, and assets. She exudes power, mystery, and sensuality in her physicality. The one art nitpick I have is that the wings look a bit copy/pasted. Onyx Mage looks like he’s really into his spell. Enthusiasm does count for a lot. Trust us. Oh yeah, and he’s ripped.
Vorthos’s Hottest Date Award
This guy makes Sorin look about as smooth as Michael Scott. Look at the way he sits that throne. What poise. What wine knowledge! What panache. ’Nuff said!
Best Accessories
Their gear looks like their name sounds. Gotta love the teal skin. So adorable, I need a plushie version like, yesterday.
Seriously? Award
Come on, he just looks silly. And what’s that’s round thing behind him? Is it his shield, full of kitty kibble? Get away from my f-ing Fancy Feast! Meow!
Most Deserving of Their Own Novel
Even if she isn’t your type, you have to admit this art is sick. Strange and beautiful. The scars, the deadpool eyes with just a touch of light, the four-fingered man-hands, the XXX divine bosom, the sincerely smug pursed Jolie lips, those
Our hive mind fun is nearly at an end. In closing, please do us the honor of casting your vote on:
“He looks like a does a lot of manscaping.”
“He has the Bruce Lee batwing lats!”
[poll id="69"]
“It’s so soft, almost romantic, and beautiful.”
“Ugh. Doesn’t belong in Magic. Take it back to Interview or Bram’s.”
[poll id="70"]
“Barf, more vamps.”
“Love me some sexy Sorin art.”
[poll id="71"]
[poll id="72"]
“Like the Weasley twins but cuter.”
“N’Sync got two new guys. So what.”
[poll id="73"]
“Just another goblin.”
“Instant classic. Plus you know what they say about goblins with big noses.”
[poll id="74"]
“Pretty and regal, and it’s by John Avon!”
“Lame. Looks like it belongs on a bottle of Crown Royal.”
[poll id="75"]
“I like art that makes me laugh.”
“This goblin is a victim. Spencer’s was killer like a Kamikaze pilot.”
[poll id="76"]
Thanks to the many Magickers who have answered questions on Facebook, Twitter, and elsewhere that help inspire my articles every week. Couldn’t do it alone.
Did I leave off a notable piece of art? Overlook something? Do you disagree? Comment, put your two cents in! I want to know what you think. There were many more pieces I’d have liked to discuss—Quicksilver Amulet, Time Reversal, Rune-Scarred Demon, Solemn Simulacrum, just to name a few. As Taylor Swift would say, speak now, and the discussion gets juicier and juicier and the more fun we have.
Until next time, smash the blue and the red together and take the purple pill, damn it. Then wash it down with purple Kool-Aid, followed by a purple Slurpee. Sláinte!
—MJ
@moxymtg on Twitter
