I played my first sanctioned Magic: The Gathering tournament on May 5, 1996. I played a 64-card deck based on Circle of Protection: Red and Sleight of Mind. Yes, it was sixty-four cards and relied on a combination that didn't actually win the game.

That deck was better than the pile I played last weekend.

Let me time travel a bit. I met my good friend David Tao at FNM last year. We were playing the Red Deck mirror in Standard, and I edged him out for the 3-0 as a result of an unplanned mulligan. Going to six let me get my Hazoret the Fervent online a turn early, and that won the match despite David's wildly superior strategic play.

He's an interesting cat; went to Harvard, but is also a CrossFit celebrity. He's also a total Eternal nut, and has been trying to get me to play more Legacy since basically the day we met. His birthday party last year was about 30% CrossFit guys, 30% Legacy guys, and everyones' relative SOs. We ate a ton of meat!

Anyway, this past weekend, my usual SaturDate dumped me to go to a high school boy's birthday party. I pulled a stack of FNM booty out of my "Magic" bag. "No Dad," she said. "Daniel is not the one who plays Magic! Take me to get him a Steam gift card."

The wife asked me what plans I had for the day, which I read as her wanting some space. If these concepts are foreign to you, try having two teenagers and being married to the same person (even if she's your Ride or Die) for close to 20 years. I scoured the Interwebs for a Magic tournament of course!

Tao had the hookup. "Don't worry," he said. "I've even got a Red Deck for you!"

That took me completely off the hook. I own basically all the Legacy Red Deck cards, but they're largely in the Modern deck that never leaves my Magic bag.

"Great!" I was very happy for the big borrows.

Tao was finally getting me to play Legacy.

The event was at Good Games NYC, and if I thought that a "random" Saturday tournament in Queens I hadn't prepared for was going to be soft... I was as off target as the deck I ended up playing. The room had a US National Champion, back-to-back Eternal titles, and easily half a dozen Grand Prix Top 8s. Jeez.

But at least I had a Red Deck to battle with, right?

This is the 75 I triple-sleeved up:

Mono-Red Prison | Legacy | Michael Flores

• Creatures (18)
• 1 Hazoret the Fervent
• 1 Pia and Kiran Nalaar
• 4 Goblin Rabblemaster
• 4 Legion Warboss
• 4 Magus of the Moon
• 4 Simian Spirit Guide

• Planeswalkers (4)
• 4 Chandra, Torch of Defiance

• Sorceries (3)
• 3 Fiery Confluence

• Enchantments (4)
• 4 Blood Moon

• Artifacts (13)
• 2 Lotus Petal
• 3 Trinisphere
• 4 Chalice of the Void
• 4 Chrome Mox

• Lands (18)
• 6 Mountain
• 4 Snow-Covered Mountain
• 4 Ancient Tomb
• 4 City of Traitors

• Sideboard (15)
• 4 Ensnaring Bridge
• 2 Sulfur Elemental
• 3 Scab-Clan Berserker
• 4 Leyline of the Void
• 1 Hanweir Battlements
• 1 Abrade

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As you can see, this is not quite the kind of Red Deck I'm used to.

If you know what's good for you, it shouldn't be the kind you're ever into either. You see, in over twenty-three years of sanctioned play - I cracked my first Pro Tour six months after my first sanctioned match, BTW - I have never played as bad a deck as this. Untuned homebrews: Better. The Rock in the frequent cases The Rock isn't the best: Better. That sixty-four card abomination from my first rodeo: All Better.

Part of the reason I feel so strongly about this is that Red Prison is considered an actual archetype deck in Legacy. Having played it, I can't possibly tell you why.

Following are the Top 8 Hidden Disasters of Red Prison:

1. The Structure of Unplayables
2. Get Everything, Lose Anyway
3. It's Like Everyone Else but Much Worse
4. It Has Almost No Way to Catch Up
5. The Wrong Kind of Volatile
6. Lock Cards Can be Contextually Weak
7. Mana :(
8. You're Not So Clever

Before we get to why these are such disasters, it might be important to quickly run down how this deck works at a basic level.

It has essentially two plans. The first and more defining is as a Lock deck. Red Prison uses cards like Blood Moon, Chalice of the Void, and Trinisphere to severely disrupt the opponent's game plan, especially early game. The presence of a ton of double lands allows it to do things like play first turn Chalice of the Void for one... Which is unbelievable in a format of Brainstorm and Lightning Bolt... Not to mention Swords to Plowshares and dozens and dozens of other awesome cards. Chalice of the Void for two is also great, and also easy to play for this deck.

In return, the Red Prison deck only runs threats that cost three or more, like Goblin Rabblemaster and its imitators, to "get around" its own self-imposed deck-building costs. You can combine a double land with a first turn accelerator like Chrome Mox, Lotus Petal, or Simian Spirit Guide to run out a Blood Moon or Magus of the Moon on turn one also. These cards can essentially manascrew the opponent for the entire game.

The other plan is a kind of 3-drop beatdown deck. Goblin Rabblemaster is the best of the beatdown threes, but the contemporary Mentor version and a couple of alternates out of the sideboard all do similar stuff. Rabblemaster on turn one is actually a pretty potent clock, provided the opponent can't answer it. Big if, of course.

The reward on this deck is potentially high, but the costs are enormous, with so much of its necessary mana coming bundled with losses in card economy. The deck-building cost is also steep. If you had to look up some of those cards before recalling they were fringe in Standard (or currently Modern-legal but not played), you're not alone.

Let's get to our disasters, shall we?

1. The Structure of Unplayables

Goblin Rabblemaster is the best threat creature in this deck. It's good when it's good here... But as I said above, this card wasn't even a windmill slam in Standard. It competed with Hordeling Outburst at three, and when I played Tokens to the Top 4 of a Super IQ... I didn't even run it. That is the best of the bunch.

Main-deck also-ran Legion War Boss is only barely played in the current Standard. Scab-Clan Berserker was a sideboard card in Standard; but as I recall... We played fewer than this Legacy deck's sideboard. And Hanweir Battlements? Doesn't even have its friend.

Okay, "unplayables" is probably a little harsh; but these three mana cards are clearly weaker on a card-for-card basis than most of our opponents' one and two casting cost cards. Red Prison has to play them because otherwise it might get pinned by its own Chalice of the Void.

What I found, though, is that if you only kind of lock the opponent but don't actually kill them immediately, they can just play around your lock pieces and answer you one-for-one. I got a first or second turn Trinisphere against a Miracles player, and he stayed alive by paying three for his Swords to Plowshares and Brainstorm.

He literally just kept pace!

I was forced to play a bunch of three mana cards that I might not have otherwise chosen, but he could just PAY THREE for his good cards. I was ahead insofar that he wasn't blowing me out of the water with his regular draw (which he otherwise would have). But the fact that I got my cards and he ended up being able to operate ok is a theme for this deck.

2. Get Everything, Lose Anyway

I started off 1-2, but was still live for Top 8. The prizes were huge for a Saturday store tournament, and the cutoff was going to include at least one 4-2, it looked like. I shipped to five. Argh! I had shipped to four and five the previous round (after winning Game 1), but my hand had a plausible line.

I ran out Ancient Tomb for Chalice of the Void for one.

He was visibly upset but kept composed. Turn one he floated a Rift Bolt off a basic Mountain.

So turn two I played a Trinisphere!

This of course countered his Rift Bolt (he wouldn't have enough mana to cast it-cast it)... The Time Spiral Staple would remain exiled forever!

So to recap, I had first turn Chalice for the casting cost of Lightning Bolt, Lava Spike, and God knows how many other burn spells. THEN I followed up with a Trinisphere that countered a spell he had already committed.

I won, right?

No.

Not even close.

And not only "not even close" but I knew I was dead already. He calmly chip shot me with cards like Skewer the Critics, and laid an Eidolon of the Great Revels. My deck can barely kill that! It's only a 2/2! The Eidolon could easily chomp one Goblin per turn. Because of the structure of my deck, I was guaranteed to take a bunch of damage just to get my board rolling.

The tendency to get your draw but still lose happens in many other Legacy contexts. For example, one of the most important threats out of is Monastery Mentor. This creature can still kill you through Trinisphere and even Chalice of the Void!. You can pay 3 mana for your Brainstorm, get it countered but still end up with a token and / or Prowess trigger. Over and over.

3. It's Like Everyone Else but Much Worse

One of the operating guidelines for Red Prison is to mulligan most hands that don't make an explosive play on turn one. Especially against an unknown opponent you might be laying a Blood Moon effect into (where it has little effect) to Mono-Red (where it has none). You will often have taken damage, locked yourself out of your next land draw, or discarded one or more to get a Grey Ogre online.

The problems are multifold. First, you don't necessarily know what big card to play on turn one, because you don't know your opponent's deck list.

More importantly, in the economics of deck choice, Red Prison just doesn't hold up against decks of similar incentive. It's kind of a Prime Directive issue, if you have been following Magic theory long enough.

Lots of decks push a lot of chips into the middle with their opening hands. Many have little or no say in what those chips are. Reanimator is a great example (versus one of the Blue versions). You don't always get to pick which fatty you deploy; ergo you might or might not have the perfect fatty for the matchup you're in. But even when you don't, you probably have a powerful and at least somewhat resilient creature threat that can just win in a few turns.

4. It Has Almost No Way to Catch Up

Red Prison has almost no way to gain card advantage as the game progresses; but more importantly, has no real way to catch up. These are liabilities for a deck that doesn't win immediately upon getting its allegedly scripted draw. Think about it like this: The deck's offense is "go wide" and highly incentivized to get its fast creatures on the battlefield, while the opponent is slowed down by the disruption permanents.

What are you supposed to do about Terminus?

A card like Terminus represents everything that is wrong about Prison's structure. It technically costs six but it's functionally only one mana. It's very difficult to effectively lock. Heads up, it also happens to answer Prison's ways to win with great efficiency.

5. The Wrong Kind of Volatile

One of the reasons this deck appears attractive is that it can put together an opening hand that will present a de facto win. Sometimes a Blood Moon will be a Mind Twist; and sometimes the opponent - light on land - will be unable to use his Brainstorms to develop through a Chalice of the Void or Trinisphere. Three or even four mana worth of value on turn one will do that!

But as we've said, lots of other decks can do similar explosive things with their opening hands. Let's imagine Reanimator's opening salvo isn't good enough to win for some reason (say, a well-placed Swords to Plowshares). Reanimator can just put together another two-card combo. If its key creature dies, it is inherently built to get it back. If there's a problem permanent, Reanimator is designed to - after getting answered in the early game - find and exploit a Tidespout Tyrant. Of course in games where Reanimator is already winning, its volume of discard spells can keep the opponent on the back foot for the 2-3 attacks necessary to close the game out.

Or consider Belcher. Belcher has much the same kind of hi-low that Prison does. It's a bit worse insofar that it will usually fold to the first Force of Will (while Prison can just try to deploy a different threat the next turn). The difference going long is, if the opponent doesn't close Belcher out, basically any new sequence of seven is going to represent a kill, again.

The difference - and it's not good with Red Prison - is that the quality of your draws will actually decline dramatically over the course of the rest of the game. If you're losing because you can't play another land without blowing up your City of Traitors... You have no way to regulate your draws. Your deck acts like a combo deck but is not fundamentally powerful. You can keep pulling disjointed non-combo pieces. You're much more likely to find an irrelevant creature if your creature plan is irrelevant already because you don't have any powerful ones.

In essence, your game is very unlikely to ever get better when you're not winning; and you have no good way to hold a lead (or close out) even when you are.

6. Lock Cards Can be Contextually Weak

While openers are often exciting, you don't get a lot of vote as to how they're exciting. You pretty much have to mulligan draws that don't do something on turn one, but keep most hands that do something on turn one. If you know what the opponent is playing you might decide to mulligan, but otherwise? "Keep."

So what happens when your big play is Magus of the Moon against Mono-Red? Chalice of the Void in the mirror? You don't get to pick!

Except when you do...

7. Mana :(

So when do you get to pick? Sideboarded games. If there is one thing that I'll give to this build, it has a lot of cards you might want to side in when Blood Moon effects stink, or call it Chalice of the Void and Trinisphere in the mirror.

But to my horror I learned that for a one-color deck, the mana here is atrocious!

There are a good number of cards that require RR: Chandra, Scab-Clan Berserker, and more. But the deck only has ten Mountains! Yes, there are alternate sources of Red mana; but they all cost you card economy. In the games where you have more of your, say, Hanweir Battlements in you have to pay more attention to playing fair. You tend to need more "normal" mana development (versus explosive mana development) in those games... But you don't have the tools to adjust.

Worse, your opponents will often be playing cards like Engineered Explosives to stay alive against your token creatures.

... This also kills all your Chrome Moxes :(

Mana :(

8. You're Not So Clever

To round out our discussion of mana (and our discussion of fault points of this deck overall) I'll just share how being clever can bite you in the butt.

"Daze is a thing."

In Legacy, a tapped out opponent isn't always really tapped out. He can have Force of Will, but he can also have Daze.

The obvious "I'm so clever" answer to Daze is to have Simian Spirit Guide in your hand. You go big threat, they Daze, you Simian Spirit Guide; It's a story for the ages!

... Except when they don't have the Daze. In that case, you just have a Simian Spirit Guide left in your hand. Try winning with that as your victory condition sometime, why don't you?

TLDR: Don't Play This Deck

LOVE

MIKE