Last Tuesday, Trick posted a pretty astonishing Tweet:

@Mananation: Yesterday, ManaNation.com set a new record for single-day traffic, surpassing the previous record by over 3,000 visitors :)

11:26 AM Apr 5th via TweetDeck

Wow! I mean, I'd hoped my article with tips on how to improve your game store would resonate, but record-breaking? Excuse me, while I pat myself on the—

What's this? Twenty New Phyrexia spoilers came out on Monday?

Oh.

I see how it is. You guys are excited by the shiny, oily new toys. In keeping with the spirit of the block, I know what I must do.

If I can't beat ’em, I'll join ’em.

Warning: Spoilers ahead. Card names and text are approximate and based on somebody else's translation.

Love at First Blight

Looking over this first batch of cards, my first thought was that I've never been so freaked out by Magic artwork in my life. I thought Phyrexian Rebirth was creepy, but Phyrexian Unlife makes the joyous act of opening a booster into a variation of Russian Roulette that ends in you peeing yourself.

I'm in your closet. Right now.

I have more to say about the art, but I'm alone and it's dark as I'm writing this, so I'm sure you'll understand if we move on.

Phyrexian Mana

This mechanic, represented by a colored circle with the Phyrexia symbol on it, allows you to pay either 1 mana of that color or 2 life. Let's see it in action (no pun intended):

Norn's Annex

Artifact (rare)

( may be paid for with either or 2 life.)

Creatures can't attack you or Planeswalkers you control unless their controller pays for each attacking creature.

Yessir, colored artifacts are back—and this time, you don't even need to use colored mana! This is where I start to object to the new mechanic. You're telling me any color can have access to pseudo-Ghostly Prison now, as long as they can afford the 4 life? That's some serious tampering with the pie of the sort not seen since that movie. The one with the pie . . .

That's the one.

Hybrid-mana cards like Flame Javelin already broke this ground, but you had to reach for it. You want Char in your Stompy deck? Fine, but you'll pay 6 for it. Phyrexian mana actually gives you a discount for breaking the rules of Magic, which could end up being a disaster. This one card isn't so bad, but I'm wary of what else could be in the set.

So, what can you do in Norm's Attic besides destroy the space-time continuum? Let's start with the basics. You're a control or combo deck, trying to buy some time against an aggressive assault. How good is this on turn three (paying 4 life)?

Not very good. The aggressive deck traditionally has no use for its life points in these matchups, so it is free to shock itself silly. Aggro players don't even have to tie up their mana, like they would in the face of a Ghostly Prison.

The only way you can make the Annex relevant is if you can somehow make those shocks matter (and even then, if your opponent happens to have White mana . . .). I'm reminded of Burning Bridge, which used Ensnaring Bridge to lock the opponent out of the attack step while the Bridge player used Grafted Skullcap to draw enough burn to kill you.

From where I'm standing, you'd have to be a dedicated burn deck playing against a Weenie-style aggressive deck to want this card. Even then, you'd probably be better off with more Lightning Bolt variants, which can kill creatures and are far less narrow.

Let's look at some more.

Spellsplitter

Artifact Creature – Horror (rare)

: Target spell or ability that targets only a single creature targets Spellsplitter instead.

0/4

We finally have a response to It Dies to Everything: "Not with a Spellsplitter in play!"

If you squint, he looks a little like a Standard Bearer. This guy is the ultimate Secret Service member, jumping in front of bullets intended for your Fauna Shaman or Lotus Cobra all day. I'm excited to see what sort of powerful-yet-vulnerable creatures get to see play thanks to Spellsplitter. Lighthouse Chronologist? Admonition Angel? Consecrated Sphinx? Any creature-based combo decks get a shot in the arm from this lightning (bolt) rod, so assemble your Myr Galvanizers!

Of course, there's always his best buddy, Grand Architect. The problem with Architect decks is that they are so powerful when he stays alive, but so clunky when he inevitably hits the bin. Here's a cheap, on-theme way to keep your engine running.

Screamwhip

Artifact – Equipment (rare)

Living Weapon

Equip

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 for each Swamp you control.

Ah, Nightmare. I remember when I needed to 3–0 the final pod of that Grand Prix to make Top 8, and I ran the mono-Black gambit with first-pick Royal Assassin, second-pick Tendrils of Corruption. Remember how you came to me sixth pick? Remember when you leapt to the top of my deck like the trusty steed you are, allowing me to attack for 7 in the air in several of the games?

And now look; they've gone and made you obsolete.

Anyway, I've been looking for a good excuse to run Mind Sludge in Standard, and this may be it. Mass discard is such a trump in a format filled with Valakut and Blue decks, but it requires that you play mono-Black (and very few nonbasics). In the end, it comes down to running all Swamps for Mind Sludge, or playing Blue for Jace, Creeping Tar Pit, Mana Leak, Preordain, what have you. Screamwhip (along with another card coming up) helps tip the scales away from the Planeswalker just a bit.

Spawning Shell

Artifact (rare)

( may be paid for with either or 2 life.)

, , Sacrifice a creature: Search your library for a creature with converted mana cost equal to the sacrificed creature's converted mana cost plus 1 and put it onto the battlefield. Then shuffle your library. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.

It's pretty nice that this card requires only 4 colorless mana and 4 life to get rolling, meaning it's a relatively cheap engine if you can figure out what to do with it. The way I see it, there are three options.

The first is the most obvious: upgrades. Oh, I don't need Llanowar Elves anymore, let's go get Lotus Cobra. Using creatures with enters-the-battlefield or sacrifice triggers allows you to recoup some of your lost card advantage (Sylvan Ranger, Phyrexian Rager) while eventually getting you to some unstoppable fatty (Avenger of Zendikar?). This plan is probably just too slow to be worthwhile.

The second plan is a toolbox, à la Fauna Shaman. The problem with this plan is that you would need a toolbox critter at each point in the curve in order to ensure you can find it when you need it. With Fauna Shaman, I can search up Acidic Slime any time I want. With Spawning Shell, I need a Vengevine in play first.

The third plan, and the best if you can make it work, is to build some sort of combo deck. Mimic Vat and the Shell, for example, are best friends forever. Spawning Shell gets a creature under the Vat, and then the Vat gives the Shell some raw material to work with every turn. It even curves out well: turn-two Sylvan Ranger (or whatever), turn-three Vat, turn-four Shell, and sacrifice. I'm sure there a million applications you can come up with for this card, but I have a sneaking suspicion that none of them are particularly competitive, and Spawning Shell will be the next in a long line of fun Johnny cards that are reserved for casual play.

One last note on Phyrexian mana: It must have been hell trying to balance these cards. We're talking about trading in a very abundant resource in the early game (life) for a very scarce one (mana). That kind of exchange is dangerous, so keep an eye on this mechanic. Putting it on activated abilities is pretty safe, but putting it in the cost of a spell could result in a seriously powerful card.

Chancellors

These cards are similar to Leylines, in that you can reveal them from your opening hand for a certain effect. We only have two, but it's pretty clear they will be a cycle.

Chancellor of the Dross

Creature – Vampire (rare)

If Chancellor of the Dross is in your opening hand, you may reveal it. If you do, at the beginning of your first upkeep, you may have each opponent lose 3 life. Gain life equal to the life lost this way.

Flying, Lifelink

6/6

Having a 7-drop in your opening hand is a lot like taking a mulligan, because you aren't going to use that card for the first seven to ten turns of the game. By then, there's a good chance the game will be over, or at least well in hand for either player.

Chancellor of the Dross tries to ease that worry by offering a 3-point Drain Life for free. My first thought was that a burn deck might like getting a couple of free Lightning Bolts to the face to start the game. Then I thought about drawing this guy at any other point, and I realized it just isn't worth it.

If you're looking to run a random 7-mana limited bomb in your constructed deck, I suppose the 6-point life swing might tempt you toward this Vampire. But when does that situation ever come up?

Chancellor of the Furnace

Creature – Giant (rare)

If Chancellor of the Furnace is in your opening hand, you may reveal it. If you do, at the beginning of your first turn's upkeep, you may put a 1/1 red Goblin creature token with haste onto the battlefield.

When Chancellor of the Furnace enters the battlefield, put X 1/1 red Goblin creatures with haste onto the battlefield, where X is the number of creatures you control.

5/5

Now we're talkin'. Three life is a pittance, but a creature? We can work with a creature. Cast and flashback Cabal Therapy on turn one! Get one-third of the way toward a Dread Return! Increase your Bushwhacking exponentially!

Unfortunately, all of these things would be better served with Memnite, which at least gives you your 1/1 even if he isn't in the opening seven. You'd have to want the Giant that's attached to the Goblin. While his ability to produce a winning strike force out of nowhere is respectable, that number in the upper right is just atrocious. I don't have high hopes for the rest of the cycle.

Non-Mechanic-Affiliated-But-Still-Awesome Cards

Karn, the Released

Planeswalker – Karn (mythic)

+4: Target player exiles a card from his or her hand.

−3: Exile target permanent.

−14: Set aside all non-Aura permanent cards exiled with Karn, then restart the game. Then put all cards set aside this way onto the battlefield under your control.

6

People are abuzz with excitement for Karn, but I'm . . . meh. As you may have gleaned from the previous section, I think 7 is a lot. You can't Eldrazi Temple this guy like you can with All Is Dust, either (Eye of Ugin can search for him, though).

His +4 is essentially Liliana's +1. If you got to choose the card instead of your opponent, maybe I'd be more excited about it. His second ability is what you're really paying for, and wiping any permanent off the face of the Earth every turn can certainly turn a game around. But still . . . 7 mana.

The ultimate is game-winning, but so is exiling a creature every turn, so I don't think it adds to the power level of Karn very much. The only time you won't immediately be −3-ing is when the board is empty—and then any finisher would do.

Trying to explain why a powerful, expensive card is bad can be difficult. The other guy always says, "It does this!" and all you can do is respond, "Yeah, but it costs seven."

"I know it costs seven, but it does this, too!"

This exchange can go on forever, and there are no other arguments you can make. Really, you just need to imagine playing with Karn. Imagine him in your opening hand. Imagine drawing him on turn two or three, when you're on the ropes or would like to draw a business spell.

Now imagine it's turn ten, and your opponent has a small board advantage. You rip Karn, slam him down, and −3 to exile the most troublesome permanent. Most of the time, your opponent can just kill him with attacks, or at least knock him low enough to make sure he can't kill anything else for a turn. At that point, he's like a Journey to Nowhere plus Fog, for 7 mana.

Sure, there are scenarios in which Karn is backbreaking. I just don't think they'll come up often enough to make him worth a spot in your deck. If he were an artifact, you could Kuldotha Forgemaster him out or find him with Tezzeret. You could use Grand Architect to power him out turn four. Unfortunately, he isn't an artifact, so I suspect he's destined to be a one-of in a few control decks that want to get cute, when really they should just cut him.

I'm all about the Karn in Commander and casual formats, I just don't think he'll make a big splash in competitive constructed.

Phyrexian Canceler

Creature – Horror (mythic)

Trample

Whenever a source deals damage to Phyrexian Canceler , that source's controller sacrifices that many permanents.

5/5

I remember playing against Phyrexian Negator. Erik had the mono-Black deck, and turn-one Dark Ritual into Negator was one of the most feared openings in my playgroup at the time. Joe's Blue deck couldn't counter anything that early, and Mike's Mother of Runes just got trampled over.

But I had Pouncing Jaguar. I had Albino Troll. Even better, I had Invigorate. Erik could never attack me, or else risk losing his entire board. Sure, sometimes he had a Snuff Out and got through for a turn. But I always had another high-powered blocker. I didn't fear the Negator.

I'm terrified of the Canceler, though.

You do not want to block this guy. You do not want to attack into him. And you sure as heck don't want to double-Bolt him. Your answers are few and far between: Jace bounce, Day of Judgment, Go for the Throat. Any threat that requires so specific of an answer is bound to be a good card. He does have the same drawback as Mind Sludge and Screamwhip—all Black, all the time—but that just makes me want to play them all together. His difficult casting cost means he probably won't be an insanely expensive mythic, but I could see him in the $10 range, if a deck built around him turns out to be decent.

Urabrask, the Hidden

Legendary Creature – Praetor (mythic)

Creatures you control have haste.

Creatures your opponents control enter the battlefield tapped.

4/4

I think Urabrask is one of those cards that seems good enough, but just doesn't fit. We just got Koth and Hero of Oxid Ridge, two cheaper spells that offer us 4-power Haste creatures, so it isn't like you'll be boarding in Urabrask to deal with Planeswalkers. Even if we wanted more, we could turn to Kuldotha Phoenix, which evades and never quits.

You don't really want a 5-drop in your Red aggressive decks, so you're looking at more of a mid-range style here. His Madrush Cyclops ability plays nicely with Devastating Summons and Inferno Titans, but those cards don't really need the help of this clunky 4/4. The Kismet ability is interesting, and it's nice to see it moved to Red's piece of the color pie, but it would be more effective on a cheaper creature. A 2-mana 2/2 Goblin with pseudo-Kismet would be pretty sweet, but after turn five, your opponent has had plenty of time to build up some sort of defense (or is burned to a crisp already).

All in all, I like this card, but I don't anticipate seeing it in many Top 8s.

Caged Sun

Artifact (rare)

When Caged Sun enters the battlefield, choose a color.

Creatures you control of the chosen color have +1/+1.

Whenever you tap a land for one or more mana of the chosen color, add one mana of the chosen color to your mana pool.

Colorless Mirari's Wake! Colorless Mirari's Wake!

Patrick Chapin once said of Odyssey block constructed: "This format will be unplayable once everyone realizes how good Mirari's Wake is." Chapin's deck used the abundance of mana to power out expensive cards like Time Stretch and Crush of Wurms. Standard Cunning Wake decks used the mana boost to glean card advantage and buy time via numerous flashback cards like Moment's Peace and Quiet Speculation, often chaining Cunning Wishes off Mirari to find answers, before eventually flipping over an Exalted Angel that could finish the game.

The card has pedigree, and there's no reason to suspect that costing 1 more mana will hurt its chances. In fact, that allows it to be searched up by Treasure Mage. It's entirely possible that Grand Architect will finally get his chance to shine, now that he enables this card to be cast as early as turn three.

The only question is: What do you do with all that mana? Might I suggest Mindslaver, another card that can be uncovered with Treasure Mage?

Fresh Meat

Instant (rare)

Put a 3/3 green Beast creature token onto the battlefield for each creature put into your graveyard from the battlefield this turn.

One time, I built a deck that played twenty 1-drop Goblins and Skirk Prospector. The goal was to stick a Prospector and use Glimpse of Nature (long before its combo Elves debut) and/or Fecundity to draw your entire deck, playing and sacrificing Goblins the whole time. Then, you'd play a couple of Chrome Moxen and a Caller of the Claw for fifteen or twenty bears, and drop Mass Hysteria for the win. The deck even got featured in an article on the Mothership.

So, there is a place in my heart for Fresh Meat. I don't think the card will be good at its most obvious function (following up a Wrath effect), because it's too difficult to leave 4 mana up without signaling your trump card. It's worth noting that, with its current translation, the death of tokens will give you 3/3s, so you can upgrade your Eldrazi Spawn to Beasts.

This card reminds me of Momentous Fall. Both are powerful Green rares that won't see any love in competitive Magic, but I'll still stick them in every deck I can because they make me happy.

Invasion Parasite

Creature – Insect (rare)

Imprint – When Invasion Parasite enters the battlefield, exile target land.

Whenever a land with the same name as the exiled card enters the battlefield under an opponent's control, Invasion Parasite deals 2 damage to that player.

3/2

I so badly want land destruction to be good in Standard (I'm a griefer sometimes, I know) that I almost want to say this card could work. Following up a Goblin Ruinblaster with this puts the screws to a Valakut player, that's for sure. Unfortunately, at 5 mana, your opponent has had plenty of time to develop a board by the time this guy hits, and his Ankh of Mishra ability won't fire very often against multicolored decks.

With Lotus Cobra, though . . . Well, a man can dream.

Praetor's Grip

Sorcery (rare)

Search target opponent's library for a card and exile it face down, then that player shuffles his or her library. As long as it remains exiled, you may look at it and cast it as though it were in your hand.

Let's start with the best possible scenario. You're playing against an opponent with the same colors as you, and he has the exact answer you need somewhere in his deck. At that point, Praetor's Grip is like a Grim Tutor without the life loss.

I guess that isn't technically the best scenario, as you could be playing the ANT mirror in Legacy and use this to grab your opponent's only Ad Nauseam, which you then use to win the game. Even then, though, it's basically Grim Tutor.

Don't get me wrong, Grim Tutor is a fine card, it's just that these situations are not going to come up very often. I can't see playing this card in a tournament, ever. It's like a Cranial Extraction that only hits one copy (and not hands) mixed with a Diabolic Tutor that can't guarantee you'll find what you need. I'll pass.

Phyrexian Unlife

Enchantment (rare)

You don't lose the game for having 0 or less life.

As long as your life total is 0 or less, sources that deal damage to you have infect.

Now this card . . . this card is interesting.

Against regular old creature decks, you gain 10 life when you play this. Not too shabby, although it comes with the additional drawback of causing you to lose the game if it gets destroyed and you're at 0.

What's more exciting, if I'm not mistaken, is that anything that causes you to lose life suddenly won't kill you. You're safe from Tendrils of Agony. You can Ad Nauseam . . . ad nauseam. Phyrexian Etchings and Phyrexian Arena can only kill you via decking.

There's got to be some other way to break this card that I'm missing. I'll keep looking. In the meantime, let me know what you come up with in the comments.

The Rest

The rest of the cards all have pretty obvious applications, or are too bad to be worth talking about in detail. Here they are, quickly.

Evan Erwin did a good job covering Hex Parasite's best qualities: Jacekillability and Trinketmageability.

Scrapmetal Fiend requires too much work to become a moderately-sized vanilla creature.

Glistening Oil promises to kill a 1/1 every turn, which would be sweet against Caws if they didn't have pro-Black Blades.

Species Transplantation only affects creatures on the board, so I won't be replacing Conspiracy in my casual decks any time soon.

Psychological Surgery requires too many hoops for too little payoff.

Puresteel Paladin is exactly what you see on the tin, but probably not good enough for serious play.

As for the cards that were already spoiled: Suture Priest won't revive Soul Sisters because Ranger of Eos is gone, and Elesh Norn costs 7. You know how I feel about that.

Wrapping Up

My opinions on these cards have changed a lot now that I've given them some serious thought. When they were first spoiled, it was almost too much to take in. Cards that let you spend life instead of mana? Cards with the Leyline ability that could later be cast? Karn?

So at first, I was blown away by the creative design, artwork, and power of these cards. Now, I'm just blown away by the design and artwork. I suspect that Caged Sun will be the best of this lot, with Phyrexian Canceler stepping up if mono-Black gets enough love in the new set. Hex Parasite has the most obvious immediate implications, in that it can fit in any current deck's sideboard as a Planeswalker-killing machine gun. He won't make 'walkers bad or anything, but he's a useful tool.

Screamwhip and Spawning Shell are two cards that are powerful enough in a vacuum to see play, but require that a deck be built around them. Who knows if such a deck will exist in the New Phyrexian landscape? Karn is disappointing to me, and won't see much tournament play (figure as a one-of in one list in one Top 8).

And that's about it. I look forward to the next batch of spoilers, which I hope will contain a few less seems-good cards and a few more actually-good cards.

Thanks for reading,

Brad Wojceshonek

bradwoj at gmail dot com

BJWOJ on Twitter