This is a submission from Ryan Morlock and is his entry for the 2009 States Writers Contest.

Good morning Baneslayer. Glad to have you. You’ve been busy since your arrival on the magic scene. Why don’t you tell us a little about your next big event?

Thank you for having me. My next big event is actually very scary. I am definitely not looking forward to it. Like you said, I have been very busy – almost across the entire event circuit. FNMs, 5ks, Grand Prixs, PTQs, Magic Game Days, pre-releases, releases. Oh yeah, did I mention that I am a Pro Tour Champion and a World Champion? My resume already is starting to hang up there with the best of them. All of that looks like a walk in the park compared to States 2009.

What do you mean by that? States is always competitive, but is generally regarded as less cut-throat than something like the pro tour. Aren’t you more likely to run into a casual or table-top gamer that is out there for fun?

Oh sure, it is fun and games for you guys, but do you have any idea of the beating that I have to go through? All of those fancy abilities on my card really just mean that I have a giant target on my back. Do you realized how many times at a particular tournament I am terminated, pulsed, exiled, bolted consecutively, blasted, judged, marked for death, trapped in oblivion or sent on a journey to freaking nowhere? Now multiply that times about sixty and you will get an idea of what I am up against for States 2009. If you do not believe me then you can go to http://the2009s.com and check out all of the tournament locations. It truly is a hideous end.

Surely there is something that you can do about it?

Look, I can brave some of those elements, but not all of them. You have to remember, those are just the traditional, clean-cut ways to die. States players are a different breed. Oh, they will use all the regular stuff, but then they will pile on all sorts of new ways for me to meet destruction that I wouldn’t normally have to face. For example, they will go out of their way, wretchedly sacrificing their own creatures if necessary, to make sure that I’m on the battlefield by myself and then serve me up at a banquet. Then I heard about this testing session where a Baneslayer was turned into dragon’s slave, forced to work for him and then sacrificed. Even worse, I heard about another Banseslayer that was heading toward victory by her lonesome when out of nowhere she had her beautiful soul defiled by a demon. Demons? Dragons? What is this crap! I am supposed to have protection from those. So yeah, states players use the really messed up stuff.

Are there any lessons that you can learn from other angels?

You mean like Serra? Talk about your wicked step sister. She is a poster child for the next fallen angel. She laughs at me, kicking back in the retired constructed binder sipping on a planeswalker soda and giving me the “been there, done that” speech. That limited game sure is the life. Every so often you get recruited but then you only have to come out one out of forty times instead four out of sixty. Then when you do make it out, chances are you are going to be the hero and soak up the glory because there are not a billion ways for you to die. Constructed is so much more work.

Emeria is the new girl on the block, but right now she is not quite in the same class as most of the finishers. She has got potential, I’ll give you that, but she is definitely not focused. Right now she the only thing she seems interested in is real estate. And she always smells like chicken.

Anyone besides angels that might have advice to offer?

There is a giant up here in the clouds, but good luck getting any information out of him. Talk about a big head. He’s been honored so much that he thinks he is too pure for this gig anymore. He believes that he is now invincible and just spends his days singing hymns to his goats. What is the world coming to? I’d definitely like to quell that attitude.

You came out during M10. What do you think of Zendikar?

Time out. We angels all have theories on where creative comes up with these names. Here is mine. Once a week the whole office is instructed to open up a blank document. Then they are told to bang their heads on their keyboards one time. Those results are then submitted to creative who then sorts through them to collect all the good head prints. What constitutes a good head print you might ask? Well, the good ones are easy to spot because they contain the letters Z, X or Q. All of those submissions are then registered with the patent office.

Ok, thanks for that. What about Zendikar?

Zendikar itself, it is great! You know why? And this is something that States 2009 also has going for it. No faeries. I’ve only been around for a couple of months, but wow did that get old quick. Tap you down, bounce you, stutter you, counter you, swarm you. All of that for 2 mana and a measly life a turn? Good riddance. Angelblossom sure has a nice ring to it though, doesn’t it? If it spit out chickens, I bet I could get Emeria on board…

If not for the hard work of one particular tournament organizer, states might have been left for dead. From your earlier responses it seems apparent that you do not approve of its return.

I’d definitely like to meet this Glen Goddard character in a dark alley and spring a trap of my own on him. Watching him fall into a bottomless pit would be priceless.

That sure is a harsh attitude for an angel. Shouldn’t you be thankful to this guy for helping you find work in these difficult times?

Yes. I truly am thankful and I am not really seeking his blood. I am still an angel at heart and would let him escape, if narrowly, from any real disfigurement. Look, there are a bunch of great things to get exited about States 2009 for. Prizes like card promos, playmats and entry fees are definitely cool. That combined with a day of great gaming and meeting lots of people makes for good fun and good stories.

Despite the criticism, it appears that you might actually be ready to gear up for the upcoming adventure. Any last words?

I am a lady, so I’d like to mention that there are some excellent brands of deodorant/anti perspirant out there (yes, the kinds that have BOTH are necessary). Eating bean burritos the night before is also not recommended. You can play vampires if you want, but they suck. It’s getting to be that time of year, so you might want to consider playing elves. Or play free spells. Just protect me. Cherish me. Trade me for value if you must – and I promise that I will bring you a lot, but for States Saturday 2009, give a girl a break and remember that Pitfall Trap is a fine removal spell!