All the News That Isn’t

Planeswalker Uniqueness Rule Now Applies to Players

Renton, Wash. – In coordination with the Organized Play department, the DCI Rules Committee has announced a change to the Magic tournament rules, to take effect immediately: Similar to the “planeswalker uniqueness rule,” which some players might know as “the-only-reason-Jace Beleren-was-ever-tournament-playable rule,” players with the same first name who are paired together will now cease to be registered from the tournament immediately.

“The recent push to expand the tournament scene has been successful,” says a source inside Wizards. “Too successful. Who wants to play at an FNM where there are twelve rounds of Swiss before you cut to a Top 8? So we’re implementing this as a way to narrow the field.”

Some players are calling this move unfair on the part of WotC. Jonathan Buckley, 19, and Michael Cardenas, 20, both of Chicago, expressed their discontent with the new policy. “They’re kicking people out of tournaments,” said Jonathan. “That’s bullshit.” Michael agreed, asserting that players who had paid their entry fees should not be ejected from tournaments.

Our source inside WotC responded, “We’re not kicking anyone out of tournaments. In these instances, once the pairing occurs, all record of the players immediately disappears from the tournament software; it’s as though the players never existed within the structure of the tournament. We’re not disqualifying them; they just are no longer in the tournament.”

It’s worth noting that not all players are unhappy with the change; among others, Zebediah Dittmer, 24, Cordell Kuckens, 19, Vincenzo Cloffi, 20, and Lisa Kleinfelter, 20, all think the new rule is fine. “People always complain about rules changes,” said Zebediah, shrugging. “They’ll get used to it.” Lisa agrees. “I think we should support Wizards’ decision in this,” she said. “They always put a lot of thought into rules changes, and I’m sure this will be for the good of Magic as a whole.”

Wizards Announces New Reality Show: Diapers and Decks

Renton, Wash. – Wizards of the Coast today announced a new reality show named Diapers and Decks.

“As our customers grow up and begin to have families of their own, we’re seeing a rise in parents teaching their kids the game and bringing them to compete at events,” says Paul Levy, Brand Manager. “We want to support the family atmosphere of Magic, and inspire the creation of a new generation of Magic players.” But critics question the wisdom of a show that seemingly encourages parents to foster highly competitive habits in children of such a young age. All players must be under the age of 4 years, and once players navigate (and survive) the obstacles, challenges, and games they will have to play, the (extremely large) prize payout will be given to the winning player’s parents or legal guardian.

Jay and Michelle Dillon, of Portland, Oregon, are hoping their son Joey, 3, will be chosen for the show. “We work with Joey every afternoon after school,” says Jay. “We go through deck techs, on Mondays we analyze the results of the past weekend’s tournament results, we work on drafting technique with crack-a-pack, and we generally playtest his latest brew for five or six hours before he goes to bed. Joey’s the one who plans all this—he refuses to go to bed until we finish drafting or playing and he’s satisfied with his draws and game plan.”

Similarly, Nick and Adrienne Stockton, of Charleston, South Carolina, will be thrilled if daughter Amy, 2½, is to be among the children selected to participate. “Amy’s been studying the Comp. Rules,” says Adrienne, “every single night since the day she could read.” Concerned that her deck-building skills might not be up to par with the other contestants’, Nick admits to netdecking lists for Amy to play, then participating in fourteen-hour-long playtest sessions with her.

We were able to speak with Joey and Amy privately, however, and it seems that their goals for participation might not mesh very well with their parents’. “They [the producers] told me if we did the show,” says Joey, “we could all gets ice cream for our friends?” When asked if he likes to play Magic, Joey replied, “I used to like to play because we would play this game where you turn over a card and whoever has the ugliest drawing on theirs wins the other person’s card. But now them is trying to teach us all these rules and confuse me and I just want to go play baseball. It’s nice outside. Have you gone outside today? Do you want to go play baseball?” Similarly, Amy did not express the enthusiasm for the game that her parents attribute to her. When pressed, she admitted that she liked the pretty drawing on the cards, but as she had not yet learned to read or count, the rules of the game were just a tiny bit over her head. She prefers instead, she said, to play with her herd of My Little Ponies.

No network partnership has been announced yet, but it is expected that the show will land on G4tv, VS, or Current.

The Llanowar Sentinel accepts news bulletins from freelance journalists. Send submissions to llanowar@gatheringmagic.com. Pieces will be edited for content and length.