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Elections. Ugh. Everyone, not just Vorthoses, will need stiff drinks this week. Nations will rise and fall, Presidents will come and go, but booze will endure, and we, the people, will be there to carry that torch. Farting around Ravnica while I gave free makeovers at Rakdos tourneys and tried to pick up dudes at the Orzhov basilica—all while suffering extreme anxiety over whether America bleeds red or blue this year—I decided it would be a good time to begin a Return to Ravnica cycle of mage-craft cocktail articles.
Video was slated to happen, but it was Mana Leaked by my son flipping switches in the car and leaving the lights on. The subsequent two calls to triple A took all our filming time. Yep, a AAA guy came out and jumped the car, then twenty minutes later, it wouldn’t start again. By this time, I was in a black rage. A new AAA guy came out and replaced the battery, and Hackworth and I narrowly avoided a divorce.
All I wanted was to go pick up some pho for our Date Night. This is America. We don’t suffer dead batteries here, and we should be able to get a bowl of rice noodles whenever we want it (at instant speed).
Well, we can, because that is the quality of life we enjoy in America the beautiful. Let’s drink to that.
Guildless Crowd-Pleasers
Let’s start with two staples of the drink canon that straddle the divide from “crap” to “craft” bar cultures. You can find a really bad Cosmo anywhere—or a really sublime one at certain joints. Same with a Manhattan. The Cosmopolitan, a.k.a. Cosmo, was made famous in the late 90s by Sex and the City. The appeal of the drink persists—it’s pink, full of nice fruit flavors, and if done right, not too cloying.
Cosmopolitan
- 1.5 oz. vodka
- 1 oz. cranberry juice
- .5 oz. triple sec
- .25 oz. lime juice
- Shake. Garnish with flamed orange zest.
The recipe shown here is on the “dry” side—spirit-driven—light on the fresh citrus, and without additional sugar added. Triple sec is a liqueur based on the flavor profile of orange peel, and if you can afford it, I do recommend Cointreau, arguably the oldest triple sec and very deep and nuanced. Use Ocean Spray cranberry juice cocktail for the cran component. I’ve tried it with organic, unsweetened cran, and it is not a better drink. Ocean Spray cran is a work of art. While some recipes specify citrus vodka, I have found this to be a superfluous requirement.
Omg omg omg, I didn’t know Jarad was packing like that—gimme some twenties quick, girl, I’m ’bout to make it rain on his fine Golgari self . . .
The Manhattan is stiff or “spiritous” as we like to say—meaning, it’s fraggin’ boozy! I like Martini & Rossi’s sweet vermouth over other more expensive brands because it’s brighter, bringing out the oak and cherry notes of the cocktail. However, there are as many takes on sweet vermouth as there are on counterspells. They can all be contextually appropriate, depending on the recipe ratio you’re using and your (or your guest’s) palate.
Bitters, in general, are concentrated alcoholic flavoring agents based on herbs and extracts. They are used in many cocktails, including the Manhattan, which calls for Angostura bitters. Each brand/type of bitters has a different flavor profile.
Manhattan
- 2.25 oz. rye whiskey
- .75 oz. sweet vermouth
- 2 dashes Angostura bitters
- Stir. Garnish with cherry.
Time to savor some Azorius flavor while waiting for election week results to come in! Here’s a bureaucratically-named cocktail that incorporates the use of port in its mixology. While it’s classically served up (chilled, then strained into a martini shell or coup), I think it really shines down (in a rocks glass) over a big cube (you can make these at home using this). Let port conjure images of really smart guys in waistcoats smoking Enlightenment cigars as they discuss Voltaire and Newton—old school nerds. Also, just put on your Vedalken Etherium-arm and trust ole MJ: Port is yummy stuff!
Azorius Featured Cocktail
Chancellor
- 2 oz. scotch
- .5 oz. sweet vermouth
- 1 oz. port
- 1 dash Angostura bitters
’Till next time, may Magic be your sword as well as your shaker tin, and may we come to recognize that as human beings, truly we all bleed purple. And some of us wear plaid boxers with flip-flops.
-MJ
@moxymtg on Twitter
