Locations
And no Internet.
No, I wasn’t going through withdrawals. Why would you think that? Just because I couldn’t access the Internet for a few days doesn’t mean I went stir-crazy. No Twitter. No Rumor Mill. No Google+. No GatheringMagic (though to be fair, Trick doesn’t really update on the weekends [Editor's note: I have to sleep sometime, the weekend is perfect. -- Trick]). I was perfectly fine as I stared at my cell signal strength that read “Searching.”
You’d think with all the technology we have today we could get wireless Internet in the middle of nowhere. (Louis C.K. slaps me and tells me to shut up.)
But sometimes sitting out in the middle of nowhere feeling isolated isn’t just from technology and society in general. Isolation might very well be at your gaming table as well. Confused? Let me explain.
One of the main reasons that more players don’t get into Commander is because of all of the politics. They’re used to having one opponent to battle against; you know anything your opponent does (or tries to do) is meant to kill you. Having multiple opponents means more things to keep track of. What might kill you might not kill everyone at the table. Your other opponents might not matter when you’re facing down the barrel of a gun at 3 life.
Politicking can sometimes be the most enjoyable aspect in Commander. Everyone has different thresholds of what they consider to be a dangerous threat. If someone plays Asceticism, you know he has creatures he doesn’t want to be targeted. You might care about it, since you know his deck and have ways to get rid of those creatures when they get out of control. However, your opponents don’t mind, for whatever reason.
You’re isolated from everyone else, and you feel like you’re going crazy.
Being “alone” at a table can be frustrating. This isn’t some Spike-ish thing to do, it’s just survival instinct. The best idea you can do is to reach out and get help from the other players.
How to get your opponents to believe you when you say that someone else is a threat is an art in and of itself. I would like to introduce you to some ways to get an opponent to do what you want him or her to do. Not all of these will work against all opponents, and you might not be able to use all of them, but here are some options you have at your disposal.
The first decision you need to make is whether you want to make this troubling issue public knowledge. Say I’m playing a free-for-all four-player game with Tom, Dick, and Jane (with me playing the part of me). If you’ve never played with these players before, you don’t know how they’re going to react if you make something known to everyone else involved. Once the offending party knows you’ve made it public, you’ve been made a target yourself. That could turn a bad situation worse. Let’s get to the strategies with possible scenarios that could play out.
Pointing Out the Obvious
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
“Why do you think she put it in the deck? She must have some discard in there.”
Jane looks at me and sneers. “Just for that, Wit’s End at Robby.”
“Hey! See what she can do? You better keep an eye on that.”
It could backfire—like in this case I lose my hand and take 10 damage—but then it gets the information out in the open. Now everyone knows that Jane is a force to be reckoned with, and they go after her and destroy her Megrim. Of course, it could backfire and everyone could see that you’re trying to make her the target and then go after you.
People are fickle. You’ve been warned.
Bribery
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
“I know that you have your Allay in your hand since you destroyed my Asceticism. If you kill that Megrim, I might point my Beacon of Immortality at you since you’re at 15 life and a Wheel of Fortune would kill you.”
“That sounds like a great deal. I’ll kill the Megrim with Allay with buyback.”
“Hey!”
Sometimes bribery works. You have to have a good enough incentive to make sure your opponent wants to do it. Being mean here and not Beaconing Tom might make him not trust you when you want him to do something else. Don’t abuse this.
Passive-Aggressive
“Boy, I wish someone would kill Jane’s Megrim so we all don’t die from it.”
“Hey, Robby,” Dick says, “you know who you sound like?”
“Who’s that?”
“My wife when she wants me to take out the garbage.” The guys all high-five each other while Jane, Dick’s wife, glares at him. She plays and activates Memory Jar with Rings of Brighthearth in play.
“You all take 28 damage, jerks.”
The high-fiving is not encouraged when said wife (or girlfriend) is around, especially when she is playing in the same game. Though that tactic will make that guy her main target. The downside is that you might not get her to play any more games with you if you act all misogynistic. Only use this in times of deep need.
Intimidation
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
“If you don’t kill it, I’ll go ahead and attack you with all of my creatures, killing you.”
“But what’s in it for me if I kill it?”
“You’ll still be playing because I won’t have killed you.”
Intimidation is not always the best tactic. It’s the other side of the bribery coin, only you’re not rewarding him with something in the traditional sense. It’s like when organized crime says they’ll offer you protection as long as you keep paying that monthly fee. They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Physical Intimidation
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
“If you don’t kill it, I’ll go ahead and get up from the seat, and beat you with this chair.”
Everyone backs up from the table. “Whoa, easy there, Robby,” says Dick. I stand up and pick up the chair.
“Just kill the enchantment and no one gets hurt.”
“It’s just a game!” screams Jane.
“Not to me! Kill the damn enchantment!” Jane puts the Megrim into the graveyard.
“There, happy?”
“No, I’m not happy. You can’t just put the card in the graveyard; the game rules don’t allow it.” I throw the chair across the room. “ROBBY SMASH!” The rest of the players run out of the game store as I flip over the table, scattering cards everywhere.
Sometimes this works. Sometimes it doesn’t. To help with the intimidation factor, you should probably be either bigger in size or stronger than the person you want to intimidate. I’ve found that having weapons is a great physical intimidator as well.
Physical Intimidation, Part 2
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
“You should kill it.”
“Why? It’s not affecting me.”
I pull an egg from under the table. “This is your brain.” I pull a frying pan from under the table. “This is a frying pan.” I set the egg on the table. “This your brain if you don’t kill that enchantment.” Everyone starts to protest, but I smash the egg with the frying pan, getting yoke everywhere. “Any questions?” Everybody starts wiping it off their faces.
Dear Rachel Leigh Cook: Where are you? We miss you.
Jedi Mind Trick
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
I wave my hand, using my Jedi mind powers. “You should kill it.”
“I should kill it,” Tim repeats, face blank, voice monotone. He uses a Disenchant to kill it. Dick and Jane look at me in amazement.
“What? I didn’t tell you I was a Jedi?”
“No! What else can you do?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
For this tactic to work, you must be born with midi-chlorians, train under Yoda, choose either the dark or light side of the Force (the dark side would call this a Sith Mind Trick), and get a lightsaber corresponding with the side of the Force you’ve chosen. Caveat: You must have been born a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Optional: Get your hand cut off and replaced with a robotic prosthesis. Let me know how this works for you.
Time Travel
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?”
A flash of lightning blinds everyone, and an orb appears next to the table. The orb disappears, leaving what looks to be a clone of myself, but nude, in a squatting position. He gets up and walks over to the table. “Your cards, give them to me,” my clone says, in a strange Austrian accent. Everyone starts freaking out.
“What in the hell is going on?!”
“I come from the future where if you don’t destroy that Megrim, you all will lose the game and Jane will win.”
“But I heard the future is what we make of it,” quips Dick. R-800 looks at Dick and punches him.
This tactic really only works if you live in an area with a computer/robot uprising and humanity is building a resistance. Or, you could own a DeLorean (just remember to send someone else back in time and not yourself, or it could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe—it’s a 50/50 chance), or a phone booth works just as well (Excellent!).
Inception
This is the only option where you can communicate completely nonverbally. It’s a little harder to pull off, but let me explain:
“Hey, Tom.”
“Yeah, Robby?”
“See Jane’s Megrim over there?”
“What about it?” A group of people in nice business suits appear in the room and inject a needle into Tom’s arm. “Hey! What are
I turn to Dick and Jane. “It’s okay, this will just take a minute.” And I black out.
When I open my eyes, I see Tom in a hotel room, standing there, confused. “Where are we?”
“I could explain it to you, but it’s a little complicated.” The door bursts open and the people in business suits come bursting in, shooting their guns.
“I don’t know how she did it, but Jane’s subconscious found us!”
“We need to go deeper!”
Tom looks really confused as a guy pulls out another suitcase, like the one from before. “Quick, we don’t have much time!” one of them shouts. We all hook up to the machine and I black out.
I find myself at a counter in my local game store with Tom next to me. He’s got some packs of Stronghold he’s just bought in his hand. “You know what card I really hate from that set? Megrim. Boy, I hope you don’t open any of those.” Tom opens the first pack. The first card is Megrim.
And so is the next card.
And the next.
All fifteen cards in the pack are Megrim. “What the hell?” he asks. Tom rips into the next pack and it’s the same thing. The team in business suits come running in through the front doors of the store.
“It’s not working, we have to go deeper!” one of them shouts.
“But the dreams will be too unstable,” another one says.
“We have to do it!”
I find myself in a room with a giant glowing blue ball. The team is all around me. “Great, guys, whose dream are we in now?”
“I don’t know. I thought you knew,” says one.
“Damned if I know.” A hum starts getting louder and louder as we all cover our ears.
“See, I told you this is what would happen if we all went too deep.”
“What about the kick?”
“Screw the kick!” And we all jump over the abyss right next to us.
A few minutes later, I pick myself up off the ground and find Dick and Jane are in the corner, crying, holding each other. The team is gone. Tom wakes up, shakes his head. “We ready to continue playing?” He looks at his hand, then at the battlefield. I’m going to kill that Megrim. Sorry, Jane.”
The most effective way, but it can be a little unnerving and hard to get used to.
These are the ways that I find to be most effective. If you have any ways to convince other players to help you get out of your isolation, throw them in the comments down below. I know what it’s like to be isolated, and I don’t want you to feel the same way.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a train to catch.
